Waste of time Friendships
by Revontuli
Summary: Much to Edward's dismay, Bella wouldn't be Bella unless her every friend was strange and possibly dangerous. Mythical creature expertise doesn't always help with humans... --Post-Eclipse
1. Black Hole

_A/N: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, who is not me. That's why you're on a fanfiction website._

_There are a few things you should know before you read the story:_

_1) Amelia often thinks about drugs, drinking, suicide, etc. Although the actual act is never shown in my story, I suggest you don't read on if those topics make you uneasy. It's nothing major, though._

_2) I would like to thank bloodredskies from Twilightarchives for beta-ing the first half of the story (up to chapter 10)._

_3) I'd like to remind everyone to review. It's honestly the best gift you can give to any author, and how else could I improve if I don't know what you're thinking? Just spare me a minute once you're done._

_4) This first chapter introduces the new character, Amelia Betch. The whole story is told from her POV. All the characters we know and love will be in the story. I promise. They all have big roles in later chapters. But you need to meet Amelia first =)_

_Thank you for reading, and enjoy!_

_--Revontuli_

_xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo_

The rain was tapping against the thin metal of the small, rental car I had gotten at the airport. My eyes stayed fixed straight ahead, and I concentrated very hard not to sway from the gray concrete of the narrowing road leading to Forks. Gray roads were normal, something you'd find in any other part of America. They were safe to look at.

But still, they were not the dry, hot roads of home. Here, the constant rain darkened the surface of the concrete, and the hidden sun probably never stayed out long enough to dry the landscape.

_Ew. Wet._

I was almost at my destination when I finally dared to look beyond the wet streets. The road was surrounded by enormous trees, bushes, grass…

Everything was green. _Fabulous_.

I already knew I would hate the place.

_What difference does it make? You hated the south, too. You hate everything. You can wallow in your misery in every town of the world- Why should you care where you're staying?_

I had to agree with myself. _Where_ I drowned in self-pity didn't matter. Besides, the gloomy weather only fit my mood perfectly. If I got lucky, it would even add to my melancholy.

_As if you could sink any deeper!_

I snorted at myself. The conversations the two halves of my mind often had were the most amusing part of my pointless, dull life. It actually _entertained_ me to hear their constant arguing. So much better than hallucinations and adrenaline bursts.

But just as meaningless as everything else.

The brief ride through town was already enough to show me what a ridiculously tiny place Forks was. In just ten minutes, I had crossed the so-called 'city center', which merely consisted of a supermarket, tiny library, a clothing shop that clearly couldn't offer me anything I would actually wear, and a little sporting goods store.

Great. No place to spend the evenings at. I would have to find myself a sanctuary somewhere in the woods. I would probably get soaked in the wet grass, but hey- Who cared? Not Dad, anyway. Nor Mom. Or anyone else. _I_ didn't even care.

Dad's house was as shabby as I remembered it. I wondered darkly if the roof would actually manage to keep the rain out, or if a strong wind would blow it away sometime. That would be interesting. For a few minutes. But I'd surely get my daily dose of adrenaline if a tree came crashing through the living room ceiling, and then moving away from home would have definitely been worth it.

I parked the car carelessly on the sidewalk in front of the house. It's not like a parking ticket would do me any harm. I wouldn't pay it, anyway. Dragging my bulky luggage to the front door, I reached for the house key under the 'Welcome' mat.

The insides of the house were slightly cozier than the outsides, I noticed with irritation.

_Not a prison cell, after all. Oh well, it won't take you long to hate everything about it, anyway._

I dumped my bags next to the little staircase, and walked into the kitchen. Even police officers stored food at their homes, right? But while rummaging through the cupboards, I found nothing more than a can of beans. _Crap. So now you're going to starve here, too. Hey, who knows? It might actually end your miserable life. No harm done._

I noticed a little note on one of the kitchen counters. Judging by the messy handwriting, I knew it was from Dad. _What does he want to say? "Welcome to Hell, sweetie?" or… "Please try to die before I get home"?_

But the contents were not any more interesting than the rest of the measly town I was now proud to call my home.

_Hey Amelia!_

_I'm sorry for not being able to pick you up from the airport. You know- work. But I hope you made it here safely, anyway. Just go ahead and settle down. Your room is upstairs, first door to the right. You can unpack everything and move the furniture around, if you want to. It's your room, now._

_I'll be back by seven! I'll be bringing some pizza. Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone._

_-Jack_

Just a tedious, stupid note. No drama. No words of hate. The only interesting part was the last line.

_"Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone" – Dad, you know I can't do that. Actually, now I'm even more up for some mindless, adrenaline-spending fun. Thanks for reminding me to be reckless!_

I brought my stuff upstairs to my room. It was an insignificant, dull room like all the others, the only furniture a small bed, desk, and a closet. It was too tidy and light for my taste, though the dust definitely had some potential. With some restless nights, it would turn into a chamber of Hell in no time.

I wasn't bothered to unpack my stuff, so I threw them in a corner instead. I searched the closet for anything interesting, but came out empty- the dead beetle at the back was not enough to hold my interest for any longer than ten seconds.

Since it was pouring outside, and I didn't have the faintest desire to get wet, I decided to check my make-up. I had to be at my worst when Dad came home. I dug through my clothes until I finally found my toiletries bag and a hand mirror, and sat on the chair in front of my new desk. My reflection stared at me while I inspected my face.

It was easier to believe it wasn't me I was looking at. The girl in the mirror had pale skin, the pallor only intensified by the white powder she had spread across her cheeks, her lips were swollen and smeared with burgundy, and her eyes were bloodshot and surrounded by a thick line of kohl. Even her black hair had dark red strands.

_What did Mom tell me that once? Oh yeah- "That gothic look doesn't really suit you, my dear. Please dress properly. You're ruining your naturally pretty face!" Gothic, indeed. I was a GOTH. Labels make the world go round._

Who was I kidding? The girl in the mirror was _me_. I cast my eyes down on my clothes- A black, holey top, a red, checked mini-skirt followed by black tights, and dozens of heavy chains embellishing my arms. My thick boots were kicking the leg of the desk in boredom. _Goth, Goth, Goth, Goth…_

After applying another, even thicker kohl layer around my eyes, I started pacing the room, thinking of something to do. The neatness of my room was sickening, and made me extremely restless. _The cleanness will have to go…_

So I took my spray can out my backpack. _The color black. Perfect._ Desperate for some gloom and darkness, I decided to start at my door.

_What did you say, Dad? Do nothing stupid while you're gone?_ I furiously shook the can and started spraying.

The process took longer than I'd expected, but eventually, most of my room was covered in black. Some white patches still remained on the walls, but I was sure I would fix that soon. Maybe that useless supermarket sold spray cans, so I could add some red to my masterpiece? For now, this would have to do.

But I was not satisfied. I still had an hour before my father got home, and the room didn't look sufficiently shocking yet. While grazing over the furniture, I realized the reason- The desk, bed, and closet still looked clean, apart from the few drops of black that had fallen on them. I'd have to do something about it.

So I ditched the spray can under the bed, and looked through my bags again. I found what I was looking for with little effort; the sharp edge cut my hand before I had time to react. I pulled the knife out.

A few drops of blood rolled down my palm, and I smiled at the sight. The small cut was aching. _Physical pain. Always a good thing._ My knife had always been one of my most valuable items, and even now I was fascinated by its glimmering, metal surface and stone hard handle. The hours of brief ecstasy it had brought me were the greatest gift I could expect from my meaningless life. But while thinking about all the past few months, my mind suddenly slipped back ten years. The seven-years-old Amelia Betch greeted me in my thoughts.

_The little girl was watching her mother prepare dinner. Her black hair and fair face brought tears in my eyes as I remembered the person I used to be. The mother was cutting vegetables, swinging the long knife at a steady rhythm. The girl's eyes were wide in awe._

_But then the mother let out a tiny yelp. The girl hurried over to her, worried that something bad had happened. "Mommy? Are you okay?"_

_The woman brought her forefinger to her mouth, sucking away the blood that was oozing out of her small wound. "I'm fine, Amelia. It's just a little cut."_

_The girl cast her eyes over the knife lying on the kitchen counter. The shiny blade was dirty with a few crimson droplets. The instrument that had beat at such a soothing pattern before suddenly looked menacing, and the girl cringed away from the deadly weapon._

Shaking my head away from the thoughts (_Remembering will only cause you useless pain! Get working, already!_), I walked over to my desk with the knife in my hand.

The smooth, even wood under my fingertips had reached its final hour. Smilling at the rapture of destruction, I sank the sharp blade into the desk.

The carving was even more satisfying than the spraying had been. Not an inch of the surface remained untouched, and soon my desk was covered by scratches and theatrical words such as "Satan" and "Hell". _A true piece of art._

"Amelia? Are you home?" my father's booming voice reached me from downstairs. Lost in my trance, I hadn't even heard him arrive.

"Up here, Dad." I kept my voice monotonous, uncaring, like I usually did.

I heard Jack stomp up the stairs and then pause in front of my bedroom door, clearly afraid of what he might find behind it. I smiled at his hesitation- he really _did_ know me well. "Come on in, Dad."

He very nearly gasped when he entered the room. Jack eyed the newly painted walls apprehensively, and almost fainted at the sight of my desk. I pretended not to notice his displeasure. "I did some refurnishing."

Dad's eyes were still wide as he turned to face me, but, to my great disappointment, didn't say anything. This was going to be harder than I thought. "The pizzas are downstairs. Come eat with me. We can… erm… talk."

I hated the way everyone _talked_ to me. That's all anyone ever did with me anymore. Jack, like everyone else, always smiled timidly while 'talking' and questioned his own words the instant they exited his mouth. These conversations were always far from untroubled, and every word was forced. The way I refused to answer any questions was also no help.

I didn't even smile as I passed him and ascended the stairs to the living room. The aroma of freshly baked pizza filled my nostrils, and I suddenly realized how hungry I really was. Nevertheless, I would have to control my hunger. Jack shouldn't think I actually _enjoyed_ the pizzas he had brought over.

Dad followed soon behind, and we both sat at the small kitchen table.

The first few minutes were spent in silence, a satisfying one on my part, an awkward one on his. He didn't know how to speak to his disturbed, slightly insane daughter, and I made no attempt to help him. His discomfort amused me.

"So… I guess we're roomies now, huh?" I didn't even glance up from my pizza as he spoke.

When I didn't answer after a while, Dad continued, slightly embarrassed at his failed joke. "I'm happy you came to live with me. It's been lonely. And I guess you could use a change of scenery, too. I'm sure we'll… uh… get along just fine."

I wasn't very sure of that at all. In fact, I was determined not to let him like me. I was determined not to let _anyone_ like me. And the famous change of scenery? I would have much preferred the brown, hot south over the green rubbish of the north. Not that I cared where I was. It made no difference.

Once again, I didn't get into the conversation. Jack was feeling more awkward by the minute. Had I been alone, I would have let a devious grin spread across my "ruined" face.

Jack gave up trying to involve me in his talking, and started his monologue. "Well, Amelia. Tomorrow is your first day of school. It starts at eight. You shouldn't have a problem finding it. I'm sorry, but I'll have to leave for work early tomorrow morning- Charlie said he might need some help with office stuff. I know I'm not around that much, but you can use the time for school work and other things, ok?" – He didn't bother mentioning the orders Mom had given him about me not leaving the house alone. – "In the evening we can hang out together. Play cards or something. I've missed you so much, and would love to hear about everything that's happened in the past few years!" – Like suicide attempts, drug overuse, violence towards other students… All sorts of cheerful things – "And oh, yes, I almost forgot to tell you. I got you a job."

Wow, a _real_ shocker. He actually managed to catch my attention. My head snapped up at his words. _He can't be serious… Who would employ a drug addict?_

Jack was obviously pleased to have finally earned some notice from me. "There's a sporting goods store here in Forks, owned by the Newton family. Their son used to work there, but now he's leaving for college and they need some new employees. So when I heard you were coming over, I made a few phone calls and got you the job! Isn't this great? Now you'll get to earn some money of your own. Just… uh… use it for responsible things, ok? You could save for college. It's never too early to start. You've only got two years of school left! My goodness, you're almost a real lady…"

Under usual circumstances, I would have found his last comment extremely amusing. But after his latest announcement, I was too shocked to react correctly. It was rare that anything should have this sort of response in me, and I did not enjoy the feeling the slightest.

_I'll have to work? Oh, please, no! And then in a sporting goods store… is there no justice in this world? Huh, obviously not. But you knew that already._

I couldn't refuse. After my last outburst back at home, I was in no position to decide over myself anymore. If my dad said I had to work, then I had to work. I groaned.

"Oh, come one, Amelia. Working is great. You'll learn to be independent, to stand on your own two feet. Besides, you're lucky to even have a job in such a small town as Forks. You'll meet new friends. You know, Charlie's daughter is working there, too. Bella. She moved here two years ago, so she's been in the exact position as you are now! You and Bella could be good friends. Too bad she's leaving for college soon, too. She's a wonderful girl. I hear she's getting married this summer, though… so young… to Edward Cullen…"

I let Jack drift away, and continued devouring my pizza. The familiar façade of nonchalance fell over me. So I had to work. Who cares. A few more hours to scare people away might actually turn out fun.

_And it's not like they're going to keep you there. You'll get fired before you even have time to step into that damn place! 'Goths' are bad for publicity, you know…_

I left my pizza half-eaten, and marched up the stairs back to my room. Jack could clean up by himself, if he wanted to.

After all but slamming my bedroom door closed, I walked over to my bag to fetch my mp3 player. The loud, heavy-metal music filled my ears, increasing my anger. The effect wasn't satisfying enough, though- I would have to buy a stereo, and soon. I needed the music to filter my emotions.

Through the thick haze of hatred and rage, other feelings emerged- sorrow, homesickness. I pushed those emotions aside as soon as they arrived, though. _You really do need that CD player._

So tomorrow, I'd get to torture the kids at Forks high school. Fabulous. And then the Newtons' store would be my next victim. I already pitied all the people who'd have to meet me. This Bella, Chief Swan's indubitably "perfect, angelic daughter with great manners", would be the first on my list. Whatever we became, it would definitely _not_ be anything close to 'friends'.

I was almost looking forward to tomorrow. Almost.


	2. Underage & Hating it

It was still raining in the morning.

I remembered Mom saying something about how the rain never stopped in Forks. I now realized that she was, unlike usual, right. Why anyone would want to go out in that wetness, I couldn't understand.

As Jack had predicted, it really was easy to find the school. Not only was it on the main road, but it was also one of the only buildings in that area. _Whoa. That's two correct statements made by your parents. Must be a new record._

The red brick houses greeted me as I parked my rental car on the school parking lot. The students passing my car stopped to stare at me in curiosity, but soon scurried away when I gave them my killer glare. _Strike one…_

I pulled my black hood over my head, and braced myself for another pointless day.

School itself wasn't that bad. The teachers were the same kind of idiots as those at home and were easily frightened. Making them hate me was no trouble at all; walking into the classroom with a frown on my face mostly did the trick. I sat myself at the very back of class in each lesson, signaling the teachers not to bother me with their ridiculous questions. Only one fool, my biology teacher Mr. Banner, didn't take the hint and dared to call on me during his lecture. The problem of his stupidity was soon fixed, however, as I answered the question with a lift of my middle finger. He was too bewildered to even send me to the principle's office.

Only a few half-witted kids had the nerve to talk to me during the day. When an unnaturally blond, revoltingly cheerful girl offered to walk me to my next class, I smiled my smile that was often mistaken for a grimace and answered in my most repellent tone: "Sure, Blondie. Is your babysitter sick today? Of course I'll escort you to your next class. We wouldn't want Daddy to miss his daughter, hm?"

The girl only blinked and quickly scuttled away with her girlfriends. By the look on her face – and the disgusting color of her hair – I knew the gossip would spread in no time. _Strike two. Hah, this is easier than I imagined!_

Lunch break was almost amusing. The children were clearly trying to avoid me, and I cheerfully let them cast fearful glances at me every now and then. Sometimes I would lift my eyes to meet theirs; causing a look of near panic every time I narrowed my eyes. Not one idiot had tried to talk to me after the blond girl's attempt, and I took it as a sign that the news truly had spread. Even the seniors would not come anywhere near me. _Well, well. Labels aren't that bad, after all. 'Goth' equals 'dangerous' in most peoples' books. Spares you the trouble._

But my minor amusement soon faded as the long day dragged on. Being in a school full of useless teenagers, every one of them a pretender and an oh-the-world-is-so-perfect person, was tiring. I resented the endless, adolescent giggles, the supposedly 'unnoticed' whispers behind my back, the sound of high heels on the wet stone… If I wasn't insane already, this place would surely do the job. _At this rate you'll turn catatonic…_

The kids disliked and feared me, but true panic was still to be achieved. I wanted _everyone_ to know how much, or rather less, I cared for them. I had to come up with something. _Now you're talking!_

What could be mindless enough to catch everyone's attention?

_If there's one thing adults fear, then underage drinking…_

I smiled at my devious thoughts. Alcohol was the perfect medicine for the obligatory waste of time some liked to call 'school'. Thankfully, I always had an emergency reserve, ready for my times of need. I walked over to my car during one of the breaks in the afternoon, and fetched my bottle of Vodka. _Look, the kids are staring already… hey; it's the same blond one over there!_

The girl, who had already earned the title of 'idiot blond of the month' in the record time of half a day, was staring at me wide eyed. Her jaw dropped open when she saw the item I was holding, and I very nearly had to snicker at her dumbfounded expression. "Hey, want some? There's plenty to share." I called out to her. The idiot cringed away from me, and all but ran back to the school house.

I pretended not to notice all the incredulous stares as I walked to Spanish class. The distance between me and the other students was entertaining. Eventually, I stopped in front of the Spanish room, and took a long sip from the bottle, leaning casually against the wall as I did. The students passed by, wide eyed and unbelieving, not daring to interrupt my drinking. I could hear the scandal already: _'Have you heard? Amelia was _drinking_ before Spanish class! Real Vodka!'_

The bitter taste of alcohol on my tongue was a welcomed change from the dull school day. I didn't drink much (_You'll still have work to get through. You'll want to be sober when you see their faces._), but still came late for class when I finally lowered the bottle from my lips.

I walked into the classroom, unashamed and proud, the bottle clenched tightly between my fingers.

The room fell silent at my entrance.

The effect was perfect. All students in the room, including the I'm-so-pretty-and-you-are-not, blond girl from my earlier 'experiments', were paralyzed. Even the teacher, a young, timid dimwit who wouldn't hurt a fly if her life depended on it, didn't dare to lecture me. I smugly sat at the empty table at the back of the room. I met the intruding eyes with venomous glares.

Eventually, the teacher seemed to have chosen _not_ to mention me, and continued her lesson. Not a single kid looked at me after that.

_Mission complete._

When the bell finally rang, I knew I would only have a couple of minutes to get away before Mr. Greene got a tip from some naïve teenager and came looking for me. So I gathered my things and hurried out of the room, shoving some kids to the side when they got in my way.

The fact that I didn't get any angry glares only supported my thesis that I was, indeed, hated and feared by the entire school. Not bad for my first day.

But the torture wasn't over yet. _That torture is never over, sweetie. Life _is_ torture- You can't seriously have forgotten?_ I still had to face another three hours of working at the store. And then another day of this. Had I cared, I'd have definitely groaned.

I could only drop my school bag at home before I had to hurry to the Newtons'. In fact, I was late already. _First impressions are important, Amelia. Let's not disappoint your father- After all, he's expecting you to be kicked out before you even start!_

When I arrived at the store, yet another bothersome teenager (_Have I not suffered enough?_) was waiting for me in front of the shop. The boy, or should I say _young_ _man_, was wearing a tight t-shirt and a pair of fashionable jeans. I hated him already. He almost glared at me as I got out of my car.

"You're late." I merely shrugged, not really bothered to explain anything to the fool standing before me. He let out an exasperated sigh.

"Ok, look, I know you're new here and everything, but please try to be punctual next time, ok?" I shrugged again, not entirely convinced that there _would_ be a next time.

"I'm Mike, by the way. My parents own this place." He offered to shake my hand, but was only met with a raised eye brow on my part. Mike seemed to be resisting the urge to roll his eyes as he led me to the store, eyeing my outfit skeptically.

Once we were inside, he directed me to the counter and handed me a hideous, bright orange vest. I would have to do something about that. The Newtons surely wouldn't mind me prepping the uniform up a little? "I'll have to leave early today, but I'm sure you'll get the hang of this soon. For now, you'll just be the cashier, ok? Let Bella do all the talking." – He said this as if he didn't really believe I could talk – "She'll take care of the customers. And if you have any questions, you can always ask her. Got everything?"

I only shrugged again, not even having to fake my lack of concern. Mike left reluctantly, probably thinking I would demolish the place if he left me alone. _Not a bad idea at all, my friend…_

But before I had time to do any planning, a young woman walked in from the backroom of the store. This girl had brown, long hair, chocolate eyes and pale skin, almost able to compete with _my_ pallor. She, too, was wearing the revolting vest that couldn't really be called a decent piece of clothing, and smiled at the sight of me.

That was the first thing that shocked me. She _smiled_ at me.

Great. So Chief Swan's daughter really was one of those I-don't-hate-anyone-because-I'm-such-an-angel types. Well, I would break through her shell fast enough.

"Hi! You must be Amelia. I'm Bella. Nice to meet you." She didn't offer her hand, which only irritated me further. _Patience. You'll have plenty of time to be rude later on._

I didn't answer, but she continued nevertheless, unbothered by my unfriendliness. "So Mike already said you'd be the cashier. We don't get many customers this time of year, especially not on week days, so I think we'll have a pretty quiet evening. Just the two of us. My shift ends before yours, though, but I think Mike should be back by then. The Newtons are running short on staff, now that both he and I are leaving for college."

A quiet evening with her. _Perfect_. I'd get to concentrate fully on earning the wrath of Isabella Swan.

I didn't say anything, again, this time finally receiving some reaction. Bella's eyes widened a little and her brows furrowed, making me wonder what she was thinking. Obviously, her first feeling towards me was pity. I returned her stare with an icy one of my own.

To my great surprise, the girl did not cringe away from my glare, but turned her head away in embarrassment. A blush stained her otherwise pale cheeks.

Why was she embarrassed? That was not the desired reaction.

But who cared. Maybe this girl was a freak. Like me. I would get to her, sooner or later. No doubt in that.

I stood behind the counter, shifting from foot to foot in my usual, uninterested manner. I crossed my arms over my chest, a gesture that clearly stated 'Do not bother me'.

But Isabella Swan was obviously blind. Without turning her head from the shelf she was arranging, she spoke to me in a quiet, tentative voice. Tentative, but not in the way I was used to. Not like _I_ might do something to _her_, but like her words would harm _me_. I nearly snorted at that thought.

"Amelia, I… I just wanted to tell you that I know how you feel. When I moved here two years ago, I hated the town at first, too. I hated everything. The people, the landscape, _the rain_… I was determined to just get through school and then leave to some place exotic and warm. I was sure I'd never like it in Forks. But I was horribly wrong."

I raised my eyebrows at her attempt on chivalry. Shouldn't it be pretty apparent that I was _not_ interested in school? I'd never get out of Forks, not unless I got arrested. _Tempting idea…_

Bella remained oblivious to my uncaring manner.

"I'm leaving… for college… in a few weeks, and I feel like I'm going to miss Forks terribly. This place isn't just a prison for me now. It's my _home_. I actually learned to like the green scenery. And the people are not that bad. Heck, even the rain is bearable once you get used to it! I don't want to leave, not ever."

I surprised myself – and Bella, for sure – by answering. "Then why are you leaving?" Yep, this girl was just another holier-than-thou person who cared about nothing but school. College, college, college. Blah, blah, blah. When would these kids grasp that college was _voluntary_? There was no reason to complain about something you _chose_ to do.

But her answer confounded me. It wasn't so much the words that made the statement puzzling, but her tone of voice. "I have to."

She spoke so quietly, that I wasn't completely sure if I was really meant to hear that last bit.

Rare curiosity flared up inside me. This girl was hiding something, and that something was big. I actually felt like asking her for more information. Almost like I cared.

_Pfft! What is she hiding? A kidnapped kitten that she has to smuggle out of town before the cops get her? Or… the horror! The rain might soak her hair!_

So I didn't pry for more answers.

Why was I suddenly so… stupid? Isabella Swan was just another piece of a mass production, another prototype of 'the perfect teenager'. There was nothing special whatsoever about her. Not her clothes – unusually _dull_, even for a teenager –, not her appearance, not her name. Nothing was interesting about her. She probably had no real talents at all.

Yet I couldn't help but feel intrigued. I brought my thoughts to a secret place in my mind, a place I went if I wanted to keep the thoughts from my other self when I didn't want to argue. A place I hardly used.

It wasn't just the fact that I was sure Bella was hiding something. There was something else that mystified me about her- Her eyes. Their color wasn't special at all- There was nothing remarkable about chocolate brown eyes. Half of the population had brown eyes. No, it wasn't their color that captivated me. It was their depth. When I gazed into those puddles of… well, mud, really, I felt like I was staring right into the girl's soul. Her every emotion was on display in them. I wondered if she was capable of lying, when such clear windows leading to the truth were plastered on her face. And then there was their _wisdom_. I couldn't find another word to describe it, the knowledge no eighteen-year-old should ever have.

_So this Bella Swan is smart. So what._

Crap. My other ego had found my thoughts too quickly.

I quickly turned my train of thought away from such ridiculous speculation. It was official- The dreary school day really had affected my sharp mind. It was already turning to jelly.

Bella's assumption from earlier had been right – Not one customer walked in through the door during our shift. We didn't talk much – Again, I couldn't help but feel Bella actually _sensed_ I didn't want to do so – and I continued my nonchalant fashion throughout the evening.

In my boredom, I decided to watch Bella do her job. To my great enjoyment, I noticed she was quite clumsy, spending me some good laughs during the afternoon. The first three falls made me snort, causing her face to glow crimson, but after the fourth one, she started laughing with me. I was perplexed by her reaction, and stopped laughing myself – I didn't want her to think I was on her side.

Another thing I noticed while watching her was that she kept glancing at the clock repeatedly towards the end of her shift. She grew restless, and didn't seem to be able to keep her eyes away from the clock for any more than a few seconds at a time. Like she was waiting for her shift to end, so she could go home. _Really! Have the idiots here already softened your mind? Of course she's eager to go home. Aren't you?_

But there was more to her agitation than that. She wasn't only glancing at the clock, but also kept stealing peeks at the door, like she was waiting for someone to come through them. _Stop it already! Why are you wasting your thoughts on someone this insignificant? You should be working on the plan. She still doesn't hate you, and that means you'll be spending another dull afternoon at the store. Great job, kiddo!_

It wasn't until the end of Bella's shift that I realized why she had been so fidgety.

At 6 o'clock sharp, the most striking man I had ever seen in my life entered the shop.

Not many men caught my attention, but this one was simply outstanding. Not only was his body stunning – the perfect proportions and muscles at the right places – but his face also made it extremely difficult to notice anything else. His skin was pale – I might even go as far as to call it _white_ – and made me wonder if _my_ pallor was that unhealthy after all. His irises were a brilliant gold, a color I had never seen before, and the dark shadows under his eyes only added to his handsome complexion. I searched as hard as I could, but came out empty – there were no faults in his face. He was perfect. _Flawless_.

And Bella ran right into his arms.

"Edward!" She all but squealed the name, standing on her tiptoes to give the man a passionate kiss.

Oh. So this was Edward Cullen, the man she was supposed to be marrying in a few weeks. Hadn't Jack said something like that?

Edward chuckled when he pulled back from their feverish kiss. Bella looked frustrated, and pouted her lips when he released her, and I wondered how he managed to hold the girl back. She was practically having jitters. _Ew, another teenage love story. How does this soap opera end? "Oh, Edward, how could you cheat on me? It's over!"_

And indeed, I came to the conclusion that this astounding man _must_ be cheating on her. No normal human being, at least not one that looked like Bella, could be able to hold his interest for long. Alone the fact that they were engaged sounded unbelievable in my ears.

Even _I_ wouldn't mind kissing someone like that. If only he _was_ a cheater.

I couldn't be entirely sure, but the brief look he gave me resembled a glower.

"Good evening, Bella. How was work?" His voice did not fail his appearance. It was velvet. I almost, but only almost, envied the way he said the girl's name.

"Boring. The usual." She turned to me, truly looking at me for the first time in hours. "Amelia, I want you to meet my fiancé, Edward."

I could have been imagining it, but Bella seemed to wince at the word 'fiancé'.

Loyal to my persona, I just rolled my eyes at her introduction. Any idiot with eyes could tell who the handsome man was.

Bella turned back to her husband-to-be, beaming while she looked into his eyes. "Let's go home, ok? Is Alice very enthusiastic today?"

"I should probably warn you. She seems to think a chocolate fountain would be perfect for the wedding reception."

Bella groaned, and Edward laughed quietly at her obvious dislike. It was a musical laugh.

Bella quickly hopped over to the counter, and stuffed her vest into one of the drawers. She gave me a timid, little wave, earning a general frown from me, and walked off with her gorgeous fiancé.

So that was it. I was alone. _You want to get fired? Then DO something! Steal money! Devastate the shop! Anything! You've been acting lame enough all afternoon!_

The situation was tempting. I could have easily crammed my pockets with money, or burned down the entire house had I wanted to. But some odd sensation was piling up in my stomach.

I didn't want to get fired. I wanted to see Bella Swan and her beautiful fiancé again.

_Softie! You're turning weak, dearest. You really are. In a week's time you'll be watching the Teletubbies and wearing diapers. Get destroying, already!_

For the first time in a very, very long time, I ignored the screaming in my head. I could be stubborn if I wanted to be, and right now, all I wanted was to see the strange couple again. To stare into Bella's deep eyes again. To drool over her absurdly handsome fiancé. To find out what she was possibly hiding.

Ridiculous. I really _was_ turning into a softie.


	3. Raindrops

The next school day began much more promising than the last.

"Ms. Betch? Please follow me to my office." Mr. Greene announced in a stern voice, holding his head up just a little bit. He eyed me suspiciously, and I could tell what he was thinking – _"Why is she here? Shouldn't she be in an asylum or something? And who gave her permission to enter my school?"_

Fabulous. It was apparently my lucky day- My first hour would be spent in the principle's office, listening to his endless lectures about responsibility. And then, if luck was truly on my side, I could go home. And preferably stay there for the rest of the year.

_"Hey, Dad, I got kicked out of school! Aren't you just proud?"_ I had to admit, twenty-four hours was my personal record.

The office was just as I'd imagined it – in fact, my guess would have been a huge improvement. The walls were a dull gray, as was the carpet that covered the entire floor. There was only one desk and a couple of chairs in the middle of the room, not even the shadow of imagination visible in the objects. There wasn't even any decoration, if you didn't count the dreary flowers that stood on the far end of the table.

He could have asked me for help in furnishing. Some skulls would already be enough to prep the room up.

Mr. Greene motioned me to sit on the chair opposite to his. I put on my usual charade – the one that usually aggravated the teachers in no time – and folded my arms over my chest, not even bothering to look him in the eye.

"Well, Ms. Betch. Welcome to Forks high school."

Sure. That 'welcome' was comparable with 'unwanted'. I grunted, and sank deeper into the chair. My feet were almost in the air.

"As happy as I am to meet new students, I am afraid this little meeting is anything but out of pleasure. Is there something you would like to confess?"

Yep. Like drinking alcohol on the school grounds. As a seventeen-year-old. _And_ coming late to class once I was done. _How dim-witted can a person be? At least this guy doesn't have any limits. What the Hell does he want me to say?_

I just shrugged, still not raising my eyes from the floor.

That did the trick.

"Ms. Betch. I do expect a little more respect from my students. Please, sit up correctly and look me in the eye when I speak. You are in a very tight spot at the moment, and your current behavior is not earning my sympathy the slightest."

When I didn't indulge his order, Mr. Greene exploded.

"Sit up at once! I will not tolerate this sort of behavior, Ms. Betch. A teacher and several students witnessed you drinking Vodka last afternoon in front of your Spanish class. Not only are you underage, but you seemed to show no shame whatsoever while doing it, and thereby broke one of the school's most important rules! I have already contacted your father. He should be arriving any minute. I have also considered reporting this to the local police department, but decided to refrain for the sake of your reputation. Continue like this, and I _will_ inform Chief Swan."

_Jail cell's calling! My, this day might actually turn out bearable. Even Jack will be here to witness the downfall of Amelia Betch!_ I let myself smile, knowing the reaction would exasperate the principle more than any other. I was right. Mr. Greene exhaled sharply and mumbled something under his breath.

I was about to step up a notch in my performance, when a furious knock interrupted our 'private' moment. Dad had arrived. _Step in, step in, Dad… Come enjoy the show._

"Come in, Mr. Betch. Your daughter is already here." Jack rushed in at the words, and then stared at me incredulously. I finally lifted my eyes off the floor, and looked my father right in the eye. My previous smile was still plastered on my face.

"Good morning, Mr. Greene. Amelia." Dad's tone was polite, but I could hear the rage and despair building up underneath his kind manner. I was still looking at him, wearing that arrogant smile, and didn't even blink as his lips pulled down in a fuming grimace.

When Mr. Greene started talking I didn't turn my head. I wanted to see my father's reaction – It managed to amuse me every time. The way his upper lip twitched when he was angry was all the amusement I could expect from Forks. His face muscles were already straining to remain still.

"Mr. Betch, I have already explained the situation to you through the phone. We are here to discuss the consequences. Is there anything you would like to say? A punishment you'd like to suggest? I'm sure you know your daughter better than I do." Oh, how I loved principles. Always so formal. It was not difficult to break through their shell to reach their rage, and I accomplished the task every time I had the motivation to follow it through. It usually only took a couple of snorts in the right places.

So easy to predict. So unlike Bella Swan.

_Wait! What are you doing? You can't still be seriously thinking about that imbecile. What's gotten into you?_

Though I hated to admit it – especially not with my 'voice' ringing in my head – I had spent a big part of the night thinking about my temporary colleague. I puzzled over what secrets she might have been hiding from me during work, and how that stunning man seemed to be connected to her odd behavior. Not only had she been covering something, but her manner had disturbed me, too – I didn't think I saw her staring at my outfit or make-up at all during that evening. She had been completely at ease around me, if you forgot the obvious embarrassment and awkwardness she seemed to carry with her wherever she went. She had not judged me, and had spoken to me like with any other person.

_So she's insane. Who cares? Enjoy the show that's going on NOW. You're not going to get another chance like this so soon._

I pushed Bella out of my mind, and refocused. Mr. Greene and my father were having a very serious conversation, and neither appeared to be very pleased at the way it was going.

"Please, Mr. Greene, give her another chance. I know she's a little… haughty… but I assure you- This will not happen again! Amelia is actually a very nice, young lady. She's just been going through a tough time."

_Yeah. Nice, young lady. That's exactly what I am. If you're as dimwitted as I thought you were, that's just what you would say. But hey- I already knew I was right._

"But you have to understand- This is no little offence. Alcohol is to be taken very seriously. I cannot – _will _not – endure escapades like this."

"It will not happen again. Amelia is under immediate, strict house arrest, and I will search through all her belongings. She will not have the chance, or even the will, I am sure, to buy any alcohol again."

"Drinking on the school grounds is unforgivable."

"Please. I'm asking you as a policeman – Give this poor girl another chance. She hasn't always been like this. The whole emo-act only started about two years ago. You see, she lost her very best friend, and I think she never really got over it. Amelia is traumatized… OUCH!"

I had kicked Jack as hard as I could with my iron boots. He was _not_ going to mention Alex. Not that I cared, though. I didn't even know Alex. But he still shouldn't have started talking about him.

Not that I cared. Not that it mattered. Not that it hurt.

_Traumatized, huh? How sweet. Another name for your state of mind. And congratulations - you are now an Emo, too! Another label to add to your collection! Hmm, let's see… you are now a Goth, an Emo, a punk, a 'mildly disturbed, young individual'… Did I get everything?_

I needed adrenaline. _Now._

I stood up fiercely, earning a startle from both men in the room, and stormed out. I grabbed my bag that was waiting for me outside the office, and stomped over to my rental car – The one I now dared to call mine.

My outburst had nothing to do with Alex. Not at all. I didn't even know him.

I revved the engine and slammed my foot down hard on the accelerator. The car sped up from 0 to 80 in less than twenty seconds. _Cause an accident! Who knows – you might even kill somebody while you're at it!_

The streets flashed by in a blur, and I could tell I was slowly losing control. The arrow on my dashboard was pointing dangerously to the right. 90…100…110… The speed was doing its job – Adrenaline was pumping through my veins, my whole body was under the familiar, releasing sensation of ecstasy…

I _would _cause an accident. Maybe I would even get to tear some unsuspecting pedestrian with me. _Any minute now…_

No, forget that last thought. No one should die because of me. I wouldn't make someone lose _their_ Alex. A shadow of a tear started forming in my eyes, and I cursed myself for thinking the name. _Crybaby, crybaby, crybaby…_

The siren of a police car snapped me back to the present. _Pah! Fine, then. Live through another day of tedium. Time to face the cop, sweetie… Maybe he knows Jack. My, Dad will be double proud today!_

I pulled over and braced myself for the second lecture of the day. Frustrated adults were starting to lose their shine.

"Hey, young lady, what did you think you were doing? That was well over the legal speed limit! You might have killed yourself!" The policeman who appeared at my rolled down window did nothing but strengthen the Hollywood stereotype. I couldn't have picked a better cop to argue with. I let out a theatrical sigh.

"Do you have your papers with you? What's your name?" The cop had pulled out a little notebook, and was staring at me with ridiculous sincerity. I started feeling like a murder suspect under his intent gaze. _Well, that would be something new. Maybe you really should commit murder or something. Jail beats school anytime._

"Amelia Betch. No, I don't have my papers with me. Or my driving license. Not even drugs. Sorry, you picked the wrong day."

Unfortunately, my last comment did not provoke the officer the way I had intended it to. The genius' eyes bulged at the sound of my name. _He knows Dad. Even better. You're ruining your reputation quicker than I'd have thought._

"Amelia Betch? Jack's daughter?" I rolled my eyes at his expression – Disbelief, pity, and confusion, all at the same time. _Well, well. Jack's been doing some image repair, telling everyone in town about his 'sweet, lovable, courteous daughter'. Or then he's just plain stupid. You know what? – I'm betting on option number two._

"That's me. So… do you want to inspect me for drugs or something? Alcohol? Mr. Greene can give you a report about my past behavior, you know. Might help you with the case." A night in a jail cell would be the most interesting event in over two months. It might actually entertain me for a few minutes.

"Amelia… Shouldn't you be at school?"

"Nah. I can't know for sure, but I think they banished me. Drinking on the school grounds, you see."

"Drinking… Coke?"

Jack _really_ hadn't been very truthful with his friends. I raised my eyebrows at the cop's desperately hopeful expression. He looked dumbfounded.

"Well, you've gotten yourself in quite a situation, Amelia. With the speed you were going at, I should take your license away."

I shrugged. I would drive, whether I had a license or not. A scrap of plastic really wasn't enough to determine who could drive and who not. "But since you're the daughter of one of my best friend's, I think I'll go a little easier on you. Just let me call Jack, and then if you promise to drive more responsibly in the future, I'll let you go. All right?"

Whatever. I could always go to jail some other day.

The officer pulled a cell phone out of his pocket and raised it to his ear. I kept my apathetic face up, staring straight at the wet road ahead of me. I was a little irritated- The slippery, uneven streets of Forks would have caused the perfect accident. _Amelia Betch, 17 years old, was killed today in a brutal car crash in the little, northern town called Forks. Her body was never recovered from the burning vehicle…_

"So, Amelia, you can expect to be in quite a lot of trouble when you get back home." Commissar Dunderhead had ended his phone call, and was now staring at me with a hilariously sincere expression, his eyes trying to persuade me to change my ways without words. He was failing miserably- All I was mentally getting was _"Stupid teenager" _and _"You should be ashamed of yourself!"_

When I remained unaffected by his measly attempt at chivalry, he sighed and finally turned his gaze away from me. His missing telepathy skills forced him to speak out loud. "Look, Amelia. I've known your father for many, many years now, and I know how much he loves you. He used to talk about you 24/7, and the whole town knows how proud he is of his little girl. But stunts like this… well, let's just say he's more than a little disappointed. I understand you're having a rough time- Wasn't it something about your friend dying? I'm sorry about that, and I can comprehend why you are acting the way you are. But life goes on, never forget that. Even at the darkest of times, happy ones follow. Do you hear me?"

I erased all my earlier thoughts about how this day was supposed to be better than the last. It was _worse_.

I didn't even look at the cop when I shrugged.

From the corner of my eye, I saw him shake his head disapprovingly. This old guy was slowly starting to get on my nerves. "Well, I guess I'll let you go now. But remember – Be responsible. You don't want to cause any accidents. Forks is a small town – If you start driving uncontrollably again, I'll find out sooner than you think. And then you can say goodbye to your license for good."

I pouted my lips and rolled my eyes. If he wasn't letting me go _now_, someone was going to get hurt. And that someone wouldn't be me. I signaled him to leave by placing my hands on my steering wheel again and rolling my window back up.

But before I had time to escape, the cop laid his hand against the glass. "Amelia? Your father is a great man. My best friend. I owe him a lot. So if you ever need anything, just come to me, ok? I can help you with anything you might need." He paused for a second, eyeing my conspicuous outfit, before adding: "Anything legal, that is."

Had I been in a better mood, I would have snorted at his last remark. Was I that obvious? _Oh come on. You know how they are. "Goth" equals "criminal" in their minds. Not that they're too far off, in this case._

The policeman withdrew his hand from my window. "Just ask for Charlie if you need something. Charlie Swan."

Yeah, yeah. _"Hey, Charlie, could I have a word? You see, my dad won't let me out of the house to buy drugs, so I thought maybe you could do it for me."_

Charlie Swan. What a fitting name. This man was the closest thing to a swan that I could imagine. His grace, his beauty, his purity… the perfect equivalent.

Wait… what was his name?

"Charlie _Swan?_" I spoke for the first time in a long while, rolling my window down again. Charlie looked taken aback, but nodded. "Maybe your dad has talked about me."

"No. I haven't heard of _you_ at all. Dad's stories are too much to bear. But your family name sounds vaguely familiar. And trust me – That's an achievement. Have you been on TV or something?"

What was I doing?

"Ah, I see. Maybe you know my daughter, Bella? I heard you work at the Newtons' now, too…"

I nearly screamed.

_Why_ was this Bella haunting me? _Why_ did my every action, every thought, lead back to her? _Now it's official – You're losing your mind._

"Yeah. I know her." I wasn't quite sure what my face was giving away. If even half of my hatred towards that girl was visible, Charlie would be hiring bodyguards for her. Indeed, the cop was staring at me in confusion, probably not fully comprehending the look in my eyes. I rolled my window up without a word, and left.

The ride back home was… strange. There was no other word to describe the bizarre state my mind was currently in, or the questions that kept pouring into it at an alarming tempo. My feelings were going haywire, not entirely agreeing on which emotion to sense. Bella Swan was killing me, and there was nothing I could do to defend myself.

Yesterday afternoon had been bearable. Bella was obviously not _completely_ like everyone else, that much was sure. She was a little insane, I assumed, and a little suicidal, perhaps. She wasn't scared of me. _Not yet…You'll get her round…_

Either way, she was not _normal_. But not unusual, either.

She was average, the typical sort of teenager. So she had inherited a set of beautiful, deep eyes from some unknown source – Charlie couldn't have given them to her – and had somehow formed complete ignorance about self-preservation. Her mental alarm system was not working right. I could comprehend that.

But why was she taunting me?

Bella's name seemed to appear in my head automatically every few minutes. Everything I did somehow led back to her. She was not _that_ special. In fact, she wasn't special at all. Just an idiotic teenager.

And though I couldn't admit it to my conscious mind, my subconscious came up with a plausible answer; Bella Sawn was not exceptional, but she was special _enough; s_pecial enough to keep my mind off someone _else_.

I grumbled as I parked my car and stepped out into the rain. The cold moisture fell over my eyes, and I could feel my make-up starting to spread. Soon black trails of water would be decking my cheeks. But I didn't care.

The cold rain washed away the Punk for a minute. When I was cold, so cold that I started to go numb, my ego slipped away for a split second – a fleeting moment that was soon replaced by the new me again. But that split second was enough to scare me.

I raced inside as soon as I found my breath again. So now the rain was more than just an inconvenience – It was dangerous.

To my surprise, I was panting once I reached the kitchen. My schoolbag lay on the couch, dripping from the rain drops that reminded me of my little moment. I turned my back to it, hoping it would dry quickly. I didn't want to go anywhere near the wet thing.

I grabbed myself a sandwich from the kitchen and stomped upstairs. I only had a few hours before work, and Jack would be arriving soon, too. He had apparently left for work after our talk with the principle, and that could only mean one thing – He was upset.

I entered my room and closed the door with a loud bang, though there was nobody there to hear the demonstration. I practically ran to my bed, carrying the sandwich in my hand. _Running away from your thoughts… Dear, dear. When did this happen the last time? It's been a while…_

The dry bread brought me back to the present. I was finally able to function properly again, to see things from a safe perspective. _Now, are you done? Seriously, Forks is starting to get the better of you. Get a grip!_

My head was still ringing from my recent dose of adrenaline, helping me clear my mind from the unhealthy thoughts. I stared out the window, trying to ignore the fact that the rain was still tapping against my windowsill, and thought about my next move. Jack was already more than disappointed with me – I could be pleased with my progress in that specific area. I had achieved parental dissatisfaction in the measly time period of two days. School had also been a success. The teachers wouldn't want to see me around there for a while. I briefly nagged about the fact that I would be under house arrest – An even more definite house arrest than the previous one. Now Jack wouldn't let me set one foot outside the walls if it wasn't for work.

But despite my efforts and the ensuing victories, I wasn't satisfied. Of course it wasn't any wonder, as I was never really satisfied with my dull life, but still the missing sensation of triumph was missing. Usually, I actually felt s_omething_ after triumphing. Now, I was empty.

And once again, my thoughts returned to Isabella Swan. She _had_ to be the reason of the missing emotions. After all, she was the only one to interact normally with me, even after my indifferent behavior and stinging remarks. Bella had not started to detest me yet, and I could not comprehend why.

Bella Swan. What an unusual character in the play of stereotypes…


	4. Tempus Fugit

I didn't know exactly how long I sat on my bed, unusually stationary, but time flew by quicker than I would have expected. Generally, time had little meaning to me – It just slowed down when I wanted it to end, and sped up as soon as I wanted the moment to last forever. The little bits of bliss, mostly caused by adrenaline on my part, were just a fracture of all the time lost in pointless waiting. It was a paradox, in a way – I waited for those tiny moments of ecstasy so I could escape the waiting. I was digging my own grave.

So why time suddenly passed this fast, I did not know.

_Sed fugit interea, fugit irreparabile tempus._

_But meanwhile it escapes, the irreplaceable time escapes_.

I'd never really understood that hexameter. Now for the first time, I grasped its real meaning – I was wasting the little time I had on this planet. Nobody knows what follows after death, but it would be foolish to waste the precious time when there was no confirmation that life would continue. What if I died tomorrow? What if I'd managed to cause that accident? If it was nothingness that followed, I would have thrown away my last two years. Heck, I was pretty much dead already.

The sound of a car pulled me out of the uncomfortable thoughts. _Idiot! What are you doing? You've been acting a little strange in the past few days. Shouldn't you be… I don't know… punching holes in the walls or something?_ Now_ you're wasting your time by sitting around! You wasted the whole afternoon!_

The stillness of the house was interrupted by squeaking hinges of the front door. My father's footsteps were distinguishable from downstairs, his heavy boots informing me of every stride he took. I could hear him walk to the kitchen, back into the hall, and then back into the kitchen again. He was distressed.

Finally, he pulled himself together and called for me. "Amelia! Come down now, please. We have to talk."

_More like "I have to lecture you". You see how you wasted your afternoon? Now you'll have nothing to do but listen to his endless prattling for the next few hours. And then you have work. The joy!_

I dragged myself down the stairs, uninterested by what I found there. Jack was sitting on the couch, having removed my still damp schoolbag, and motioned me to join him. I reluctantly slouched onto the hard couch, and rested my eyes on the ceiling. _When this is over, you'll know every pattern in the wood by heart._

Jack didn't even try to meet my eyes. "Amelia, I'm sure I don't even have to tell you how disappointed I am in your behavior. I think we both know what you've done, and how it wasn't acceptable. I'm not going to repeat that for you."

He paused, giving me the chance to say something. I didn't.

"Drinking at school… That's a bad offense. You can thank your luck that Mr. Greene didn't decide to kick you out for good. Now you only have a two-week suspension to worry about. You will spend the extra time for catching up with the school material here at home."

Again, he gave me the chance to speak.

So I was suspended. That was not the result I had been hoping for. Now I'd have to wait two weeks before I got the chance to start again. _There's no pardon after the second offense. It'll be too easy. So don't worry about it._

I sustained my silence.

"But what really disappointed me was what happened afterwards. Can you imagine how I felt when Charlie called me, saying you were driving at an unreasonable speed down a wet street? Do you see what might have happened? You might have gotten yourself killed! And if your life means nothing to you, do you really want to pull someone else with you? What if you survived the accident, but someone else didn't? I know you're not a monster, Amelia. But please, please! Stop acting like one."

I snorted, utterly unaffected by his words. I hadn't really planned to kill anyone, anyway. Me, sure. Anytime. But the street had been empty.

What if it hadn't? Charlie had been there, hadn't he? What if I'd crashed into _him_?

"You got extremely lucky, once again. Not only did you survive the idiotic stunt, but Charlie was also kind enough not to take your license away. Might as well have, though – You're not going to be driving any time soon. _I'm_ taking your license away. And you're under house arrest. The only time you'll be leaving is for work, and I will drive you there and back. You got it?"

_Now_ I groaned. He couldn't be serious! My dad couldn't drive me to work as if I was ten years old!

"Yes, you heard me right. No car for you, young lady."

I lowered my eyes to Jack, glaring at him with the most venom I could muster. He glared back at first, but then his expression softened into a concerned one. "I'm sorry, Amelia, but there's no other way. You're not giving me a choice. You need to get a grip on yourself. Just because Al-", my glare turned into a snarl, "-fine. I won't say it. But you really need to pick up the pieces, Amelia. I love you, and I don't know what I'd do if I lost you. And with your current activities, death isn't a… impossibility."

I rolled my eyes, staring back up at the ceiling again. _Great. So now he's getting emotional. Where are the cameras? This would make a perfect soap opera._

Jack abruptly stood up, causing my head to turn to him again. He walked over to the front door, grabbing his rain jacket on the way. "Time for work, Amelia."

Wow. He must really be desperate to get me out of his sight.

Protesting with my every step, I walked after him to the car.

The ride was dreadful. Neither of us spoke, and I started feeling more and more like a little child, when we crept closer to town. I had never cared much about my persona before, but now I wondered how to repair this damage – the harebrained Mike Newton would bulge his eyes out when he saw me like this. Vulnerable. Being dropped off at work like a little child.

Thankfully, he was nowhere to be seen when we reached the store. I thanked my luck, and stepped out of the car before my father had the time to say anything. I briefly considered making a run for it, but quickly discarded that idea – Jack eyed me carefully as I walked to the shop, not letting a single movement escape his gaze. I sighed, and stepped inside.

And there, behind the counter, he stood – The moron named Mike. He glanced at the clock when he saw me enter, and I could almost hear what he was thinking – _What? Amelia Betch is on time?_

And I _would_ be on time for the next two weeks. Possibly longer. I nearly groaned.

I walked over to the counter nonchalantly, and fetched the hideous vest from its place in the drawer without needing a reminder. If I played nice at first, disobedience would only shock them more later on.

"Hey, Amelia. You're on time today. Great." He didn't sound too happy about it. I wondered if he wanted me fired as desperately as I wanted it myself.

"Hi, Amelia." The voice startled me, and I whirled around to see who it was.

Bella Swan had appeared in the room, carrying a thick folder. She wasn't smiling, but eyed me carefully, almost apologetically. _The news has spread… Of course she'd be the first to know. She's the moronic police officer's daughter._

I was about to roll my eyes at her when she tripped.

I could not make out what the cause for her fall had been – There were no steps or objects on the floor she had just been pacing over. Nothing at all that might have resulted in her tripping. But still she flew, hands over her head and her legs rising several feet from the ground, and landed on the floor again on her stomach. The sight of her bewildered face would have been hilarious, had it not been for the fact that the folder had taken its own path of flight, too.

The heavy file flew from Bella's hands, swirling in a straight line towards its victim – me. Before I had the time to react, the folder landed on my head with a loud thump.

"_Ouch!!_" was the only word that I managed to utter as I, too, fell to the floor next to Bella.

She stared at me in horror.


	5. Irrevocable

There was a brief moment of silence before her squeaking started.

"Oh my goodness, Amelia! I'm sorry! So, so, so, so sorry… Are you hurt? I'm sorry! It was my fault. I'm just this damn clumsy. Are you ok? Sorry…"

I composed myself and stood up, suddenly angry at the klutz who had pulled me down. The day was simply getting worse and worse. "_I'm_ fine. _You_, on the other hand, might need some balance classes. Ever thought about getting therapy for your feet? You're a major hazard for the society. It's a wonder they haven't locked you up already."

The words hadn't been half as venomous as I'd intended them to be.

Bella scrambled to her feet, as well, and hung her head. "I really am sorry. That folder is really heavy."

I finally got to roll my eyes at her, as I'd wanted to do before falling. _Pfft! Not that she's concerned about YOU. If you died, she'd lose her job. Of course she doesn't want that…_

The klutz seemed bewildered as she raised her eyes to inspect my head. Her mouth plopped open before I had the time to make a cynical remark. "But… you're bleeding, Amelia! Haven't you noticed? I-I… I'm sorry! Come on, let's get you patched up, ok?"

I put my hand up to my forehead in confusion. And sure enough – my fingers were immediately stained with crimson, warm liquid. The blood drops trickled down my fingers, and I soon noticed the searing pain coming from just above my forehead along the wetness that seemed to spread across my entire upper face.

_Magnificent._

I glanced at the folder that was still lying on the ground where it had landed after the impact. One of the edges was red – scarlet with the blood from my forehead.

I looked at Bella again, shifting my expression into a livid glare. I was fuming.

"Oh… I'm sorry, Amelia. I-I think that cut's too deep to patch up here. I have to get you to the ER."

I groaned. I _loathed_ the ER. I hated everything about it – the doctors running around, displaying their ah-so-important role in the society, the constant chaos as people rushed by, and most of all the _emotions_, the parents crying over their injured child, or worried wives asking about their husbands' conditions. It was too much to bear.

And now, _I_ would be the patient.

"Pah! I've had worse. I don't _need_ some moron doctor to show off his medical expertise on me."

"No, really. I think you'll need stitches. Mike? Could you cover up for the two of us for tonight?"

Mike was still standing on the same place as before, staring at our exchange wide-eyed. Even Bella's question didn't snap him out of his state, and I had a feeling it would take quite long for him to recover. I nearly laughed at his idiotic expression. "S-sure…"

And before I could protest, Bella was pulling me by the arm, throwing her vest on the counter. I tried to tear away, but, to my great surprise, I noted the incredible force Bella was pulling me with. Her fragile appearance did no justice to her real strength. "Hey, let _go_ of me!"

Bella loosened her grip, but still kept pulling me along. "Sorry. I'm used to handling stronger…. yeah. But come. You really will need stitches for your head. Here."

She handed me a towel she'd grabbed from behind a shelf. I reluctantly pressed it against my forehead.

It was soaked in an instant.

I turned my head to glare at Bella, wanting her to see the full extent of the damage she'd caused me, and startled at what I saw. Bella was still pulling me by the arm, leading me to her truck, and looking straight ahead. Her breathing was heavy, controlled, and she looked as though she was about to pass out any minute. A sheen of sweat glittered on her forehead.

She all but dumped me on the passenger seat of her car – an old, rusty truck that didn't look very functional at all – and climbed in on the driver's side. Her breathing was still difficult.

"You get sick at the sight of blood?" I didn't know where my sudden curiosity came from.

Bella's eyes stayed fixed on the road as she answered. "No. But the smell makes me nauseous. But I'll be fine, don't worry. I won't crash."

Pah. Like I cared whether she crashed or not. If _she_ caused the accident with me on board, not even Jack could blame me for any lives lost. Including my own.

The rest of the ride was spent in silence, apart from the occasional, pointless apologies that Bella uttered, and by the time we arrived at the hospital, the towel I was holding was dripping with my blood. _If only Dad could see me now… "Bella Swan attacked me! You'd better lock her up!"_

Bella parked the car cautiously, and I could tell she was having difficulties staying focused. Her every breath seemed to cause her trouble.

_Well. She deserves to feel uncomfortable._

I was briefly annoyed about the course of events. Though I was definitely on Bella's bad side now, I still hadn't achieved the perfect resentment I'd been hoping for. Now _I_ wasn't in charge of our relationship – _she_ was.

Bella's mood seemed to lighten up as soon as we got out of the car, and I assumed the fresh air had plenty to do with it. The heavy stench of rust and salt lingered in the air of the truck, making even me feel a little dizzy.

Bella didn't pull me by the arm again, but led the way silently, assuming I would follow. I thought about running off, but figured there was nowhere to go. And unless I wanted to bleed to death… Tempting, but no. My death should be far more spectacular than that.

We entered the ER, making me immediately regret not running away. The familiar feel of rush and hurry greeted me behind the doors, and though the stress was not as tangible here as it was in the south, it was still enough to remind me of the last time I'd been to a hospital.

With Alex.

_No, no, no!!_ I shook my injured head away from the thoughts. Two times a day was not acceptable.

Bella came to a stop in front of a large counter, and started speaking to the woman behind it. I came to her side. "Miss Pett? My… friend here has a really nasty cut on her forehead, and I think it might need stitches."

_Friend?_ Had that dimwitted idiot for a teenager really dared to call me her _friend_? I shot a deadly glare at her.

Miss Pett started typing something into the computer on her desk, but was interrupted by a heavenly voice coming from behind us. "Bella?"

We both twirled around. While a look of awe crossed over my face, Bella's expression lightened up with excessive delight. "Carlisle!"

The man standing before us was _beautiful_.

Had he not been wearing a white jacket that indicated his profession, I would have sworn I was looking at a movie star. No, not a movie star – I knew of none that could match up to the flawless splendor this seemingly young man portrayed. For a moment, my mind refused to work.

When I was finally able to think again, I noticed who this man greatly reminded me of – Edward Cullen, Bella's striking fiancé.

A warm smile spread over the doctor's face. "Good evening, Bella. Is there something I can do for you?"

Bella started blushing before she even opened her mouth. "I… uh… had a little accident at work today. I was carrying a folder over to the counter when I tripped over my feet and sent the file flying at my colleague, Amelia."

A tiny chuckle escaped Carlisle's lips as he turned to look at me, his eyes examining the cut on my forehead. "Bella, Bella… Well then, let's get your friend patched up. Good evening, Amelia. I'm Dr. Cullen, but you may call me Carlisle, if you wish."

I scowled at his use of the term 'friend'.

With the motion of a hand, Carlisle told us to follow him into one of the clean, white rooms of the hospital. I inertly sighed in relief, glad to finally escape the stress of the corridors.

I sat on the white bed in the middle of the room and let Carlisle examine the wound more closely. Bella went to the side, a guilty and regretful look on her face. _Good. At least she's suffering, too._

"I'm afraid this will need some stitches, Amelia. That folder must have been quite heavy." Carlisle said with a little smile. His calm manner irritated me – Was he really that tranquil, or was he just proud?

"It _was_ heavy." Bella said with a tiny voice, looking to the ground. Her guilt-ridden expression intensified.

The doctor turned away from me to fetch something from the table at the far end of the room. He paused in front of Bella, though, putting his hand on her shoulder. "It wasn't your fault, Bella. It could have happened to anyone."

"It couldn't have happened to _you_." Bella contradicted, narrowing her eyes. Dr. Cullen shook his head and chuckled, and finally walked back to me, carrying a heavy-looking bag.

I was too confused about Bella's last comment to worry about the contents. What had she meant? Why couldn't this have happened to him? _Idiot! She was referring to her obvious inability to walk over an even surface without tripping. Why do you have to twist everything into a mystery?_

The feeling of something cold and wet pressed against my forehead brought me out of my thoughts. Carlisle was dabbing at my cut with a cotton pad, looking absorbed in his work. Bella stepped closer when I flinched away from the doctor.

"Sorry." she mumbled for the trillionth time that evening. I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah. You'd better be."

She turned her gaze to the ground, suddenly interested in the dreary pattern in the linoleum. She didn't apologize again.

"So. You know each other." I desperately wanted to hear the doctor's voice again, to make sure that I hadn't dreamed it up. Carlisle, just like Edward, was too perfect, too _mythical_, to be real.

He met my eyes, his gentle hands still working on my wound. The color of his irises was the same golden Edward's had been. "Yes. We are practically family. Bella is marrying my son in a few weeks."

Huh? _Son?_ Dr. Cullen couldn't be any older than thirty. How could he have an eighteen-year-old son? "Your son… Edward?"

"Yes, that's him. Perhaps you've met him at the shop? He usually picks Bella up."

"I've met him." I turned to stare at Bella. She was smiling absentmindedly. "Why did you have your truck with you, then? If he picks you up?"

That snapped Bella out of her dreamy state. "He's on a hiking trip with his brothers. They do that a lot."

_Brothers?_ Carlisle Cullen couldn't seriously have _many_ children? "You're not old enough to have grown-up children."

"Edward and his siblings are adopted." he replied calmly.

"Who would adopt adults when you're barely older than them yourself?"

Carlisle looked at his working hands again as he spoke. "My wife, Esme, cannot have children. We were at different orphanages, and fell in love with the children right away. They were much younger then."

I went over his answer, looking for any sign of dishonesty. I found none.

My conclusion? The Cullens were exceedingly gorgeous madmen.

"So… why are _you_ marrying him, then?" I turned back to Bella, and caught her playing with her fingers nervously. She stopped moving when she met my gaze and smiled.

"Well, what is the general reason for marriage? I love Edward."

Aw, so it _was_ one of those kissy-kissy-goo-goo romances. "Well, I can think of some other reasons. Like money, influence, force…"

Bella had nothing to say to that.

"Bella and Edward are very much in love, Amelia. If you've seen them together, you know." Carlisle cut in, noting Bella's distress.

I snorted. "Yeah. It's one of those 'Barbie loves Ken' stories, isn't it? With a fairytale happy-ending. Until the divorce lawyers butt in."

Bella narrowed her eyes at me this time, and her voice had a new hint of bitterness in it. "I love Edward. And he loves me. Maybe you should stop judging people you don't even know."

The manner in which she said that to me was startling. Her tone was definite, firm, and left me nothing to say. For a while everything was completely still.

"He's sort of good-looking, though."

My sudden statement startled Bella, but she composed herself fairly quickly. The bitterness was gone from her face as she smiled and spoke. "I know."

"What? Barbie's not getting jealous?"

Bella ignored my cutting remark, the sweet smile still plastered on her lips. "No. He _is_ good-looking, after all. I'd have to be green with jealousy all the time if I'd be bothered by thoughts like yours."

Carlisle was chuckling lightly at our exchange, and I turned to glare at him while still speaking to Bella. "So why'd he choose you?"

The smile vanished, and was replaced by a tiny frown. "I don't know."

So. Bella Swan had issues with self-confidence. Perfect.

"Yeah, I can't understand it, either. You look a little weird next to him. The contrast is a little disturbing, I mean."

Bella didn't answer. Carlisle's chuckle faded.

Another silent minute followed, making me finally feel triumphant. The playing field was even again.

A knock on the door brought us all back to reality.

"Come in." Carlisle said, hardly raising his voice from his usual, quiet tone. The door opened, and Edward stepped in.

Bella's mood shifted instantaneously. "Edward!" she all but squealed, and scurried over to the doorway where he was standing. Edward chuckled quietly – The same musical chuckle as his father's – and folded his arms around her. "Good evening Bella."

"You're back early." Bella accused him, not seeming very irritated by that fact at all.

"Yes. Carlisle was on the phone with me when he… found out you were at the ER. I got a little anxious, thinking something had happened to you. But _you_ look fine."

Oh, great. The scene could just as well have been taken from some dreary, Hollywood kitsch film. _"I love you, Barbie!" – "I love you, Ken!"_ Ew. I resisted the urge to gag.

"Oh, please, Edward. You know Carlisle would have told you if something bad had happened. You're worried too easily."

"I knew that. But it didn't stop me from fretting. You're too fragile, Bella. And too accident prone."

I couldn't help it. I had to gag. Both lovers turned to stare at me.

"So… a folder hit you on the head?" Edward's lips were twitching, and I wondered if he was fighting a smile. Bella elbowed him in the ribs.

"Yeah." I grunted. So I was a joke to them, huh. _I'll show you funny…_

"What happened to your forehead?" Edward stepped inside fully, closing the door behind him. Bella flushed bright red while he just smiled, taking her hand and pulling her closer to the bed I was sitting on.

Carlisle finished stitching up the cut, and began bandaging it. I then realized what a bloody mess my hands and face were in. _You look like you just survived an appointment with the butcher's or something._

"Your gawky idiot for a fiancée seemed to think it fun to commit murder. As you can see, her experiment failed."

Edward's smile grew more pronounced, as did the scarlet of Bella's face. She hid her head behind her hands. "Bella, love, you've got to be careful. At this rate, you _are_ going to kill someone, and I won't be there to hinder it. You're a threat to national security."

A _'humph'_ was distinguishable from behind Bella's hands. Edward laughed quietly, and pulled her into his arms. Bella relaxed into his hold, and threw her own arms around him, too, now hiding her face against his chest.

I was mesmerized by the sight. I hadn't paid much attention to it before, but now I realized how true my own words had been – The contrast between them really _was_ vast. He was beautiful; she was average. He was godlike; she was human. There was no connection whatsoever in their looks.

But still, she looked like she _belonged_ there, in his arms.

_Oh, PLEASE! What are you doing, writing a love novel? "And they lived happily ever after"... Where are the pink ponies and butterflies?_

"All right, Amelia. You're done here. If the cut starts aching again later today, some Tylenol should help. You two need anything else?"

I hopped off the bed with a frown. I wanted to get _home_. "No."

Bella walked up to me, no longer as red as before, but still wearing that same irritating, apologizing expression. "Are you okay?"

"I'm _fine_. I'm sorry to burst the bubble, but you're not nearly that life-threatening. In fact, I'm pretty sure I could bring you down single-handedly. Want to put that theory to the test?" I tried imagining a fight with Bella. She looked so fragile, so delicate, that I doubted I'd have any problem finishing her off. And if I killed a police officer's daughter, jail was guarantied.

Like the day before, I could have sworn Edward was glaring at me. Humph. I must really be going insane.

"I'll drive you home now. I'm sorry." She simply _had_ to add another apology to the end.

I didn't really have much of a choice but to let her drive. I was _not_ calling Jack – He'd have gotten a stroke if he found out what happened. It was tempting, but I decided to save the alarming for later. He'd see the bandage on my forehead soon enough. And the patches of blood on my clothes.

"I'll be at your place later tonight, then." Edward announced, and swept Bella up in a kiss before leaving the room.

His equally gorgeous father led us to the door.

"Thank you, Carlisle." Bella thanked for me, seeing that I had no intention to do so. Carlisle's smile was for the both of us, though.

"No problem at all. I'm glad I could be of help. I suppose I'll be seeing you again in the next few days, Bella. Alice has a list of questions waiting for you."

Bella groaned. I felt a little out of place, even more so than I usually did. Judging by the way she interacted with her future father-in-law, I could tell Bella was a big part of the Cullen family. Standing next to the two smiling figures, I felt more alien than I ever had.

These people were _happy_. And their happiness was _true_.

_There you go again. Be serious, please! You know how people are – the one moment they're on cloud nine, the next they're crying over their betrayer. There's nothing different about the Cullens. Just see for yourself – In two years TOPS, Bella will be hated by the entire clan. And then you'll see what 'real' happiness is like._

When Bella _finally_ started leading me to the car, I noticed how dark it already was outside. The sun had sunken during some part of my visit, and now darkness lay over the town oppressively. It was still raining heavily.

The clock on the truck's dashboard notified me of the time – nine-thirty pm. I had been at the hospital for over three hours. For the second time that day, time had flown by too fast. But this time, I didn't want to hit fast forward. I wanted to press replay.

_Sed fugit interea, fugit irreparabile tempus._

I understand now, Virgil.

* * *

The ride home was quiet. To my great satisfaction, Bella didn't continue her pointless apologies. I relished the peace for a while, wishing it were always like this between us.

But then the most unexpected thing happened.

The silence grew _awkward_ to me.

I suddenly had the unfathomable urge to say something, to fill the silence with chatter. It was so unlike me, I even briefly wondered if I had been brainwashed by some invisible force. I _never_ felt awkward. Never. _I_ made _others_ awkward, but I never felt so myself.

I now realized what a strong feeling it was.

"So… You almost killed me today."

Huh. What a smart thing to say.

My voice sounded foreign to my ears. There was a new tinge of something in it – Politeness? Liking? Was I _joking_?

"Yeah. Not so bad for our second encounter, huh." Bella seemed to have noticed the shift in my tone, too, for she was glancing at me from the corner of her eye, simultaneously trying not to take her eyes off the road. I tried to keep my face indifferent, but something about Bella's expression informed me that I was failing at it. She smiled warmly at me.

"There's more to you than you let anyone know, Amelia."

Her sudden sincerity startled me, and I turned my head to stare out of the window at the dark trees we were passing.

Great. So Bella Swan had been playing psychologist for the last few hours. And now she was giving me her thesis.

I merely shrugged, not really wanting to go any further into the topic. And, though I hated to admit it, not wanting to blow her off, either. Not directly.

We were both silent for a minute, the uneasiness tangible in the air. She was the one to break the silence.

"Look – I don't know what happened to you, or why you're acting the way you are. But please know that life always goes on. No matter what happens, life continues. You can't get stuck in the past, Amelia. Don't make that mistake."

Her words stung – The pain in my chest flared up more with each opening of her mouth, and was now burning with unspeakable force. I felt the suppressed emotions rise up in me again, claiming their territory.

Tears formed in my eyes.

"Turn left here." My voice almost broke. It didn't stay unnoticed, I was sure, but Bella didn't mention it as she turned to the road leading home.

The minute we were in sight of the house, I pushed the car door open and jumped out, grateful for the snail speed Bella was driving at. Without looking back once, I ran to the front door of my house, feeling Bella's eyes on my back the entire way. I ignored my father's shouts from the kitchen, and dashed up the stairs straight to my bed room.

_Sed fugit interea, fugit irreparabile tempus_

My time had all been wasted. All of it. And it was all irretrievable.

Bella Swan _had_ to be some demon from Hell that was sent out to destroy me. Maybe this was God's punishment for everything I had done in the last years.

_Irreparabile tempus_

Irreplaceable time.

Time was irrevocable. Her words were irrevocable.

Alex was irrevocable.

That night, I did something I never did.

I cried.


	6. Psychoanalysis

I had to admit – staying at home all day was _mind-numbing_.

The constant hammering of the rain against the windows was only intensified by the oppressing silence of the empty house. My every footstep seemed to echo through the vacant rooms, sounding almost threatening in the stillness. I was a prisoner now, more than I had ever been before. And Forks was my jail.

_There's no need to complain about something you wanted. You can handle a two-week suspension, right? And then you can get kicked out for good. Maybe Jack will send you to military school. Now THAT would be a challenge._

My inner me was right – It _was_ worth it. I had managed to acquire a suspension in less than two days, and a permanent dismissal would be a child's play with my current record. I probably wouldn't even have to walk into school, not if the story of my reckless driving spread around more than it already had.

Two weeks. I could survive two weeks. Life was pointless, anyway. It didn't matter if I was at school or home. Heck, I could be on Pluto for all I cared.

Still, I had to mentally whine about the boredom.

But the endless morning was nothing compared to the afternoon.

I was fidgety by the time Dad came home. Even he seemed to notice the unexpected change in my behavior, and the way I glanced at the clock every few minutes worried him. He didn't appear to understand the reason for my obvious anxiety.

Neither did I.

But as the hands of the clock approached six o'clock, I was suddenly aware of the reason.

I was _afraid_.

It was ridiculous, I knew. Ludicrous that I should react this way, when all Bella Swan had done was talk to me. There was nothing daunting about her whatsoever – I knew I would eventually scare her off like I had all the others. I was simply being absurd.

But even my inner chanting couldn't dispel the unexplainable fear.

Bella's words had affected me more than I was willing to admit. She had hit a sore spot, and I had no idea if she intended to use that against me in the future. I had no idea whose side she was on, but I _could_ guess.

When Jack told me it was time to leave, I nearly broke down in panic. But I swallowed down the emotions – after all, I couldn't waste all my previous efforts in seeming nonchalant – and reluctantly followed my father out the door. I was silent throughout the entire ride as I always was, but there was a new tone to the quiet. The peace wasn't protesting anymore; it was apprehensive.

I nearly turned on my heel and ran away at the sight of the store.

Nobody was waiting for me outside the doors. Nobody would be able to stop me if I ran.

_Coward! There's nothing to run away from. Nothing. Have you completely lost your mind? I'd think you have. Just step inside that damn shop and get yourself fired. You still haven't completed that mission, if I may remind you._

I took a deep breath, rearranged my facial expression, and stepped inside.

And there she was, the reason for my irrationality. Bella Swan stood behind the counter, wearing the hideous, bright orange vest, seemingly absorbed in her work. She glanced up when she heard me enter, and smiled before looking down again.

The smile was polite, obligatory. But why did I almost jump when I saw it? Was I really waiting for her to_ attack_ me?

The invasion of the killer smiles. How nice.

I took exaggerated, slow steps towards her.

"Hello, Amelia." Her voice was casual, not even a hint of menace distinguishable.

I pulled my own vest from the drawer, trying very hard not to surrender to my ridiculous emotions. There was really no need to hyperventilate.

I feared Isabella Swan. I feared her like I had never feared anyone before. She had found my weak spot, the only crack in my defense, and it was only a matter of time until she started ruining me by attacking it. There was nothing I could do about it, not after my breakdown yesterday evening. I had _showed_ her the damage she'd caused – though indirectly – by running away from her after that fateful conversation. I had revealed the way her words had affected me, and now I was going to suffer. _Moron! Moron! Moron!_

All people were the same. Show them your weakness, and they would bring you down. This girl was no different.

Bella looked up from the sheets of paper she was reading to glance at me, particularly pausing at my mangled forehead. Yesterday's bandage was still there, letting everybody know of my recent accident. Which, for once, hadn't been caused by me.

"What – No attempted murders today?" I tried to keep my voice indifferent, but some of my panic managed to leak through.

Bella smiled ruefully. "No. Not today. I'm still sorry about last evening, though. I really am. Is the cut any better?"

"Yeah. Your doctor patched me up real good. Too bad he couldn't dope me." The wound was still a little sore, no matter how many Tylenols I got myself. And it was _her_ fault.

"Carlisle's a good doctor." Great. So she'd missed my point. I wasn't exactly _complimenting_ her father-in-law.

I shrugged, and took my place behind the counter, keeping a safe distance between me and the clumsy girl. I didn't need _another_ trip to the hospital.

Bella started arranging the shelves of the shop, not continuing our conversation any more than I had. I kept my eyes on her, wondering when she was going to begin the torture. I was sure she would soon bring the matter up.

But she didn't.

We worked in complete silence for a big part of the evening. The few customers that walked in didn't buy anything, so I ended up having to stand around pointlessly most of the time. I could just as well have stayed home.

My confusion strengthened with each minute. Why was Bella so silent? Why was she not pouncing, and 'analyzing' me like she had last night? Surely she wasn't going to show me any mercy.

During some part of the evening, my suspicions were confirmed. Bella was _not_ intending to let me go easily.

"Amelia, why don't you help me out with the shelves? You've been standing around all evening. I'm pretty sure watching me work isn't really that exciting."

So she wanted me close by when she struck. Fine, then. _If she gets too molesting, you can always just hit her. Physically, she's no match to you. You still have the option of the jail cell. It would be better than home, anyway._

"I'm not sure. My head shies away from you, you know. I think it would be _unhealthy_ for me to come any closer."

Bella turned bright red. Gosh, she really did blush fast. Or was her pale skin just so much more translucent than mine? "I'll be careful not to harm you. I promise."

I rolled my eyes and reluctantly joined her at the shelves. There was no escaping, now.

But wasn't attack the best form of self-defense?

"Ever thought your boyfriend might be cheating on you?"

Bella froze only for an instant. "What makes you think that?"

"You two don't really look nice together. Come on – Why would anyone that good-looking be satisfied with just one, average girl? He probably has 'friends' on the outside, too. You know, just for recreational purposes."

Bella's face went scarlet, but this time, I didn't think it was a blush. Her eyes were full of chagrin. "Edward would _never_ do that. You shouldn't judge people you don't even know."

"Do _you_ know him?" Edward Cullen was too perfect, too attractive on the exterior. But I highly doubted Bella Swan really knew his character. After all – no normal people really knew the real personalities of their spouses, until _bam!_ One day, both show their claws and notice how _unbearable_ they truly find each other. And the rest is history.

"Well, I'm marrying him, aren't I?"

Ha. Yeah. Great answer.

"But do you _know_ him?"

"Of course I do."

"Everything about him?"

"Yes!"

"Even his darkest side?"

Bella paused before answering. _She's hesitating. Perfect._

"Yes." To my surprise, her voice was resolved.

"You hesitated." I accused her, knowing fully well what she had been thinking about. Nobody knew the people around them. Nobody bothered to look deeper. People were _that_ shallow.

Bella didn't answer, and I marked it as a victory. Now I had hurt her almost as hard as she had hurt me. It was almost a tie.

"Do you enjoy fighting?" I gulped at the change of topic. She was slowly beginning to draw nearer to the subject I had been avoiding with our last dispute.

"Nah. I just do it anyways. _Someone_ has to show people the truth, right?"

"You say you're so much different from the others. But are you really?"

"I'm not stuck on any cliché, if that's what you mean. I see the real thing. Can't say the same about you. Most people, like you, are impostors. You only see what you want to see. It's naïve, in a way." Wow, I was getting deep. Did Bella Swan really understand everything I'd just told her?

Bella stopped moving, and turned to look at me intently in the eye. Her expression was sincere, and I nearly had to laugh at the ridiculous way her eyes bored into mine. It looked so out of place on an eighteen-year-old.

But strangely, the wisdom I had noticed the other day was even more prominent as she spoke.

"No, Amelia. You're stuck on a cliché, too. The way you regard things is not very open-minded, either. I agree with you on the last part – most people really do only see what they want to perceive, and keep holding on to the perfect stereotype they believe they live in. But what you are doing is no different. You just believe in the _gloomy_ clichés. Instead of seeing the world through rose-tinted glasses, you see it through _black_ ones."

I stopped working at some part of her short speech, and settled to stare at her instead. So I had underestimated Bella; she actually did have some brain in that head of hers.

But was she right?

_Idiot! Of course she's not right. Don't let long explanations confuse you._

But she _was_ right, wasn't she?

_No!_

Yes, she was. I was a fraud like all the others. I just acted in a different play.

_Listen to yourself! Absurd!_

My so-called 'subjective' view of the world was just as clichéd as everybody else's. My inner me was no unique personality. 'Goth' was a label, something people limited me as. But my ego limited me the same way – My ego _was_ a Goth, a clichéd character.

I drowned my ego's voice out, and scrambled my thoughts back together. Bella was still staring at me earnestly, not finding my long silence very odd at all. I stared back into her deep, chocolate eyes, trying to decipher her thoughts. Was this just another attack? Had she moved on to a different topic to torment me with?

I tried to move the subject back to her. "And what? _You_ don't believe in any clichés?"

"I wish I could say I don't, but I don't really think that's possible. All people believe in clichés without necessarily noticing it themselves. I'm no different. I _try_ to be open-minded, though." I was glad to see she was willing to talk about herself, too. But her words bothered me. She wasn't really _that_ smart.

We both resumed work simultaneously, like some invisible force was driving us. I kept my eyes firmly on the shelves while my mind still processed this new thesis. Was I an impostor?

Bella Swan was going to ruin me. Of that I was sure.

"I heard you got suspended," Bella started the conversation again, but thankfully chose a subject I was more willing to talk about.

I snorted at the casual way in which Bella spoke, hearing the hidden disapproval clearly in her undertone. "Yeah. So what? School is pointless, anyway."

Bella shook her head. "School is very useful. I know it can be a pain in the neck at times, but if you make an effort, you can actually learn some really important things. School is only pointless if you don't take it seriously."

Great. So now she was lecturing me? "Why should _you_ care?"

She didn't respond at first, almost like she was unsure of the answer herself. When she finally spoke, her voice was thoughtful. "I just do. I can see that you're a lot smarter than you let anyone believe, Amelia. I think it's a shame that you're wasting it."

I snorted. "And what makes you think I'm _smart_? Smart people don't drink."

"That's one definition, I suppose. But smart people think about the world, and that's what you do. You just keep it to yourself."

Now this was becoming hilarious. Bella Swan was _analyzing_ me again, and sharing the results with her patient. I answered with a roll of my eyes.

It was silent for a while again, and we both moved to different sides of the shop. It was relieving to keep a little distance between me and her; you never really knew when she might throw something your way by accident again.

Her shift had almost come to an end when she spoke again. "So how do you like Forks, now that you've had some time to explore it?"

I shrugged. Forks was still a bit of a mystery to me, and since I was locked up at home for a big part of the day, I was pretty sure it would stay that way, too. Not that I had any desire whatsoever to see the whole of Forks. I already knew what I'd find – _nothing_.

Bella smiled when she saw my answer, and I wondered what my expression had given away. "I hated Forks at first, too. But I got used to it. I like the town now, even."

"What changed?" I struggled to keep my voice indifferent, but failed miserably. Why was I talking to her like this? Why was I suddenly interested in the doings of another human being? "No, wait. Don't bother answering. It's _Edward_, correct?"

Bella's only response was a dreamy smile. Ew.

"Well, I _don't_ have an Edward; so naturally, I'm not dancing around Forks and loving every part of it."

That did the trick. The sugar-dripping smile vanished instantly. "Forks has more to it than that."

I snorted. "Yeah. A sporting goods store. And _water_."

And to my great surprise, Bella laughed.

Her chuckle was nothing like the musical one of her fiancé, but it was equally lighthearted, free, and most of all _sincere_. Why couldn't I laugh like that?

"Fine, I'll give you that. It rains _a lot_. Sometimes I feel like the-"

She didn't get a chance to finish her sentence, for at that moment, Edward entered the shop, attracting her full attention immediately. A wide smile spread across her face, and she strode over into his open arms, snuggling into his chest.

Double Ew.

Her lighthearted chuckle was replaced by his melodic one, and I felt my knees almost buckle at the sight of his bright gold eyes. I couldn't be sure, of course, but the gold looked even more pronounced on his irises today, and I could have sworn his white skin was slightly flushed. "Good evening, Bella. How was work?"

Bella sighed, and pulled away from him to look at his face. "It was okay. Long, though. As always."

Both smiled such a honey-dripping smile that I just _had_ to look away.

While scuttling away from the tacky sight, I dropped the little box I was carrying. The loud thump turned all attention back to me.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt," I said with my most sarcastic tone, a stark contrast to the previous pink-ponies-and-butterflies ambiance.

"Not at all. Will you be fine here, alone? There most likely won't be any customers, and Mike should be back within an hour to close the shop." Once again, Bella ignored my mocking tone.

"Yeah, sure. I'll be fine." Ugh. Why couldn't they just _leave_ already?

And then a horrendous thought crept in my mind.

"You don't work here _every day_, do you?"

Bella laughed. "No. I only work three shifts a week. Today I was making up for yesterday's fiasco."

I wasn't sure what I disliked more – her _being_ there, or her _not_.

"I'll see you sometime, then, Amelia," she said, almost as a warning. I could hear the real meaning behind her casual words – _'Don't do anything stupid until we meet again. I want to torture you some more.'_

The two lovebirds left the shop, holding hands like any other tacky, Hollywood couple. How sweet.

The rest of the evening passed in the same manner the whole day had – slowly, bleakly, meaninglessly. I almost sighed in relief when Mike turned up at seven to close down.

He looked comforted to see the house still standing.

"Everything go all right, Amelia? I know it has been a slow day."

I shrugged as an answer, tucking my vest back into the drawer.

"Was Bella able to tell you how everything works? We'll need someone to fill her position soon, too. She's only got a few weeks of work left." Mike sounded disappointed as he said this, his lips pulling down into a half grimace. I would recognize that expression anytime.

A clear case of a soap-opera love triangle. One-sided, though, as it seemed. After tonight, I had to admit Bella was smarter than most kids. She would never want to be with someone like Mike, someone so moronic and _teenage_ that it nearly hurt to watch.

"You don't want her to leave?" But he would earn no sympathy from me. _Rub salt in his wounds… that's perfect._

Mike looked even more remorseful as he answered. "No. Bella's a good friend. It's a shame we're both leaving to a different college."

_Doctor, I think we have a bad case of heartbreak._ "Aw, that's too bad. Bella really _is_ a nice girl. But she's taken, right? Isn't she marrying that Ed… Ed… Edmund? Edgar?"

"_Edward_. Yeah, she's marrying Cullen in a few weeks. That's why she's quitting work this early." Gosh, this boy was envious. It was most amusing.

"Shame. She would have made a real catch, huh? But Edward _is_ good-looking."

"Don't forget wealthy. His family is filthy rich. You know what I heard? He's going to _Dartmouth_ for college, and dragging Bella with him."

Ah, I see. So _that_ was why Bella was engaged to him. She wasn't that angelic after all, was she?

Poor Mike looked pretty green. Alone the fact that he was talking to _me_ about this proved how desperate he must be. "Yeah. It's too bad boys like yourself don't have a chance. You know, boys that own a miserable, little sporting goods store in the middle of nowhere. It's a shame those boys don't even have the brains to make up for the missing money."

I walked out the shop without a further word, leaving a dumbfounded Mike behind. I'd have felt sorry for him, had his expression not been so hilarious. I would have paid any price for a picture of it.

Jack was waiting for me on the parking lot, making me feel like a ten-year-old again. I hopped into the car before anyone had the time to see us. "Start driving. _Now_."

Dad looked startled at my order, but hit down the gas pedal and started heading home.

"How was work?"

Great. I was really _not_ in the mood for small talk.

"Like always." My tone was venomous enough to stop him from entering the topic any further.

The quiet minute gave me a chance to evaluate my own emotions. I noticed the strange state of excitement I was in – surely the conversation with Mike hadn't been _that_ amusing? I was squirmy with… what? With anticipation? What was I anticipating?

I felt _optimistic_. How odd.

Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I wouldn't have to face Bella tomorrow. I wouldn't have to listen to her pointless analyzing for at least one day. I took great satisfaction in that fact – Maybe it was the reason for my sudden optimism? One more day to plan her destruction was well needed.

But when would I finally learn not to be hopeful? Once again, my plans were crushed in a matter of seconds.

Jack broke the news just before we arrived home.

"The Swans invited us for dinner."

"_What?!_"

Bella just couldn't leave me alone.


	7. Book Club

Bella Swan was slowly turning into a real burden.

Not for a second could I keep my mind off her, nor could I forget the way she saw right through me, or the manner in which she spoke of her fiancé. And then there was my exceedingly irritating notion that she was hiding something, keeping some sort of dark secret behind those deep eyes. I _knew_ she was a riddle just waiting to be solved. I just didn't know _what_ that riddle was.

There was something about her that simply kept me on edge.

But who was I kidding? It wasn't just her apparent secret that drove me insane. It was _her_.

I hated to admit it, I truly did, but she had read me like an open book, and I still seemed no closer to scaring her off. I was still afraid of her – afraid that she would blow my cover and benefit from my few weaknesses – and felt like I needed something against _her_, too. Something I could fight back with.

Her secret was the key. If I could discover what she was trying so hard to hide, I could even the score and protect myself from her silly – though undeniably accurate – psychoanalysis. I needed a weapon of my own.

Tonight, I would squeeze it out of her, one way or the other.

My night had been restless, due to my constant worry of the dinner planned for the following evening. The morning had been no better, and the afternoon no less dull. It was during those tedious hours of work that I had formed my plan to penetrate Bella's obviously not-so-safe mind at dinner. If there was a way to win the battle, it was by playing nice. And that was what I must do.

At six o'clock sharp, Jack burst into my room. It was time to leave.

_Bring it on, Isabella Swan. Bring it on._

The car ride was spent by listening to my father's endless lectures, telling me to behave well as long as we were guests. He practically begged me on his knees to behave somewhat correctly during dinner, and to actually join in on the conversations. Usually, I would have ignored his request. But tonight, it was all for a greater good.

_My_ good.

The Swan residence was no different from all the other houses in Forks. I could have driven past it without as much as a glance in its direction. Nothing suggested that a potentially dangerous girl was living behind those walls, a girl who could destroy many lives if she wanted to, a girl who could destroy _mine_.

It was ridiculous to fear an insignificant girl this way. But then again – what was ever remotely rational about me? I should stop regarding the whole affair as a matter of life and death, but as just another unlucky exploit of my meaningless life. I was determined to return to my previous reality, when I didn't need to worry about something as outrageous as a girl who had _happened_ to combine the right words, causing me to think she _understood_ me. I couldn't let her ruin my carefully built wall of nonchalance.

But I could gather myself later. _Now_ was for battle.

Though my heart was beating furiously by the time we were standing at the door, my mind was set. Bella Swan was losing her advantage tonight. Soon, she would be under my power as much as I was under hers.

It was her who answered the door, wearing a warm smile on her face.

The smile would fade as soon as she grasped my intentions, I was sure, but not until it was too late.

Bella's voice was politely calm, though genuinely delighted. "Jack! Amelia! Come on in! It's great that you came."

I forced a smile upon my face, and stepped inside, leaving a wide distance between me and my victim. "Good evening, Bella."

She startled at my warm words. I was usually not the type to answer pointless greetings, and even that simple sentence sounded unnatural on my lips. I just returned her bewildered stare with an equally feigned smile.

"Jack! Amelia! Great that you came!" A familiar-looking police officer entered the room, grinning as widely as his round face would allow. Chief Swan walked right over to my father, and gave him a hug that surely broke all his ribs.

Jack laughed at the same loud volume, and gave Charlie an exaggerated handshake. "I'm happy we did. You know I'm always up for a free dinner!"

Both men laughed boomingly at this, and led the way to the kitchen where a small, laid table awaited us. Still wearing the strained smile on my face, I sat beside Bella on one of the uncomfortable chairs. My victim was still smiling, too, though I could tell she was feeling a little discomforted by our fathers' conduct. Both men were already chatting away happily, and seemed completely oblivious to the presence of their daughters.

_Police officers. Humph._

Eventually, when the most urgent talk was out of the way, our fathers settled down and included us in their conversation.

"So, Charlie, tell me – _you_ didn't cook, did you? I'd rather not end up at the hospital with food poisoning."

Charlie laughed – for the hundredth time since our arrival – and answered proudly, "No worries, Jack. Bella did all the cooking."

All attention turned to her, then, and her cheeks lit up in a fiery crimson. To my great dismay, Bella hadn't spoken since her greeting, and therefore denied me any chance to begin my attack. Even now, with all eyes in the room focused on her, she only blushed and smiled timidly.

She would need a little help to begin a conversation. Very well.

"So, Bella. You like to cook?" That question was innocent enough, wasn't it? Not suspicious in any way.

She didn't appear to share my thoughts. Bella blinked twice before answering, indubitably wondering why _I_, Amelia Betch, would be interested in such an insignificant fact. "Well, it's not one of my favorite hobbies, but I can't exactly eat pizza every day. And neither can Charlie."

Her comment lightened up the atmosphere again, and the two men started talking to each other about the latest news. I drowned the conversation out, not really interested in the gossip. Instead I chose to watch Bella, waited for an opportunity to strike.

As I could see her standing up from her chair and walking over to a counter, I called after her, "Hey, you need some help?"

What I wouldn't do for self-defense. The sugar sweet tone in my voice was _embarrassing_.

Bella, startled again by my overly friendly manner, answered a few seconds too late. "Uh, yeah. I just need some help with the sauce. You don't have to, though."

I just smiled and joined her at the counter.

It was an unusual sensation, smiling. The way my muscles had to pull my lips up instead of down was alien to me; I didn't know how to classify the feeling. It wasn't enjoyable – the feeling was merely a reflection of frowning – but it wasn't unpleasant, either. In fact, I found the sensation rather agreeable, and wondered if maybe I was too prejudiced about it. Smiling a little more couldn't hurt.

What was I thinking? The smile on my face was nothing but a grimace turned on its head. It was simply a weapon against my momentarily greatest foe.

"So, where do you need help?"

Bella's eyes were almost timid as she answered. "If you could just mix that sauce over there for me? Once I fold these fajitas, I'm done."

I nodded and turned to my little task, hoping my façade was friendly enough to gain her trust.

Apparently, it was. Bella's voice was slightly more confident when she broke the short silence. "I'm glad you came. We don't get that many dinner guests."

"Uhuh." My knowledge of small talk was very slim. What could I say? Every phrase that I thought of sounded tacky, false.

My small vocabulary didn't seem to bother Bella, however. She smiled to herself while fingering the different plates of food on the table, looking almost angelic as she did. That was the best adjective to describe Bella's serene and untroubled manner – _angelic_. I couldn't imagine any image more peaceful than her bent over her cooking.

Except maybe her fiancé doing the same thing. But it was almost unfair to compare anyone to that divine creature. He was… _inhuman_.

Nevertheless, Bella was beautiful. That was another thing I noticed about her when taking a better look at her face – Her average, imperfect features suddenly glowed in the dim light of the kitchen. I saw things that I'd ignored before – Her voluptuous lips, the slightly reddish color of her hair, the fair, smooth texture of her skin… Little details that I had missed when inspecting her from afar. All her flaws were still there. Only now, they were outshone by the new qualities that lay hidden no more.

_Listen to yourself! It's almost like you are in love with her or something. It's hilarious._

Bella caught my eye as she turned around to fetch something from a drawer, and, loyal to her manner, flushed bright red in a second. _Gosh, that girl's incredibly self-conscious._

I tried to repair my mistake of making her uncomfortable, and passed to another topic of Smalltalk.

"So, if cooking isn't your hobby, what is?"

Now that was an innocent question. I knew I would soon be bombarded by a polite list of small hobbies that I would forget as soon as I heard. Then she would ask me about _my_ hobbies, and I'd have to invent an own little list of my own. And then we would move on to another subject.

But what happened next was unexpected.

"Well, I like to read a lot. It's one of my favorite pastimes. But other than that, I don't really have any hobbies at all. I spend most of my time with Edward, and he sometimes drags me to some random activities that are only enjoyable because he's there with me."

Her answer was not surprising. The list was shorter than I'd thought, perhaps, and the mention of Edward unusual. But other than that, there was nothing curious, nothing bizarre about her response at all.

No, it wasn't _her_ answer that shocked me. It was my own.

"You like to read? What kind of books?"

Bella started carrying the dishes to the table as she spoke. "A lot of different kinds. I especially like the classics, I guess. They have some sort of… elegance, I suppose. And I like to lose myself in the worlds of the characters – Their life is so different from mine, yet still the same. New books don't have that charm in them anymore."

I carried the sauce to the table, and sat down next to her. The men made some comments about the delicious-smelling food, but their words passed right through my ears. I was too occupied trying to figure my own thoughts out to care what they said.

Once Bella was done blushing at the men's compliments about her cooking, I continued the odd conversation. "I like the classics too. Or… I used to, anyway. I don't read that much anymore. Do you have a favorite?"

I was worried I might have said too much, but Bella seemed oblivious to my hinting words. "I like Wuthering Heights a lot. The characters are so… queer, so malevolent, but they still manage to love each other. Catherine and Heathcliff are both such despicable people, and still they truly love each other."

Grateful that Bella hadn't asked about the reason I'd stopped reading, I felt myself bring down my defenses, and talk more openly than I had for a long time. "I liked that book, too. It's nice to read something where the main characters aren't so perfect all the time. Authors tend to think their heroes and heroines should be faultless and brave, when in reality, nobody is. Wuthering Heights is not my favorite, though. It was a little too slow-paced for my taste."

"Then what is your favorite?" I faintly heard the men lost in a conversation of their own while chewing on the fajitas, but couldn't keep my eyes and ears away from Bella for any more than a few seconds at a time. She was looking at me in interest, and seemed to be enjoying the discussion just as much as I was. And I had to admit – It felt good to be able to talk freely, to show real curiosity and eagerness.

Deep down, I still wondered why I was acting this way. But that side of me was long suppressed.

"I like horror stories. Dracula is one of the best. But I don't like the heroes in it – Dr Van Helsing is a charlatan in my eyes. He may not say it out loud at any part of the story, but I believe he thinks of himself as a martyr, someone irreplaceable. I don't like him, or the others, for that matter. I think the true hero of the story is Count Dracula. He's a vampire, invincible, and manages to escape again and again, taking many people down as he goes along. Sometimes I wish vampires were _real_. Think about it – What would humans do if there was suddenly a race much stronger and more dangerous than them? Wouldn't that teach them a lesson? It's actually quite a shame mythical creatures don't exist."

I stopped when I saw Bella suddenly having a coughing fit, no doubt to cover the laughter over my silly speech. My defenses immediately went up again once I noticed she was mocking me. _I warned you, didn't I? Bella Swan is just like all the rest. You spill your heart out to her, and then she laughs at your thoughts. YOU were supposed to be attacking today. But now you messed it up. Great job!_

It was true – She _had_ fooled me. She had feigned her interest, and led me to believe that she really cared about my silly thoughts on the books I'd read. But surprisingly, I didn't feel angry. The sensation of fury didn't flare up in my chest, but was substituted by other emotions – Dejection, disappointment. I thought I'd found an equal, someone who was similarly fascinated by books and their characters. Once again, I had been let down.

When Bella somewhat regained herself and was able to swallow down the bit of fajita she was chewing, I gave her my fiercest glare. She had used me enough for one evening.

Bella's expression immediately shifted from amused to apologizing. "I-I'm sorry, Amelia."

I kept my tone cold as I accused her. "Were you making fun of me?"

Bella put down her fajita and reached for my hand, but I pulled back, not wanting to let her persuade me to trust her again. Her burrows furrowed when she noticed my anger – Or did she notice my disappointment? "Amelia, please listen. I'm sorry I laughed. It wasn't because of what you said, and I wasn't mocking you whatsoever. But still I shouldn't have reacted that way."

Against my better judgment, I started warming up to her again. Was it the genuine tone of her voice? The intense stare of her deep eyes? Her honestly regretting expression?

_How can she have this invisible power over you? Get over it._

I tried to keep my tone hard, but failed miserably. My disappointment leaked through clearly. "Then why did you laugh?"

Bella hesitated before she answered. When she finally did, I could tell she was struggling with words. "Well… I-I'm not sure. I guess it was because I've heard that explanation before."

I didn't buy it.

The skeptical look in my eyes must have alerted Bella, for she immediately started talking again, this time with more confidence in her voice. "But I really am sorry. Do you forgive me? I think you have good ideas. It's nice to talk to you."

I couldn't help but forgive the pleading girl. She truthfully _did_ seem sorry.

I shrugged as an acknowledgment to her words. Bella smiled encouragingly, and we continued our discussion as if nothing had happened.

The remainder of the evening passed by pleasantly, I found myself quite enjoying the company, and even the loud laughs of my father stopped bothering me after a while. The food was good – Bella really _did_ know how to cook – and soon my strained smile turned into a natural one, and I realized how unable I was to wipe the content expression off my face. My chattering came spontaneously, and all thoughts of discovering Bella's secret faded, leaving nothing but my pondering about why I was suddenly _enjoying_ myself. It was extremely unusual of me to even feel at ease – Why was I suddenly this relaxed? All walls were down between me and Bella. We were talking like old friends.

No, not _all_ the walls were down. Though I saw how open Bella was in many aspects, I could help but notice a constant holding back. She shied away from certain topics – When I asked her about the college she was leaving to, she only gave me a brief response before leading me away from the issue altogether. I might have been blind at the time of our exchange, but even then I could tell there was something she was hiding, something she guarded with all her might.

And then there was another matter that grew more and more irksome as the evening stretched out – Edward Cullen never left the room, though Bella's fiancé wasn't there physically at the time, his ghost still lingered in the air, mostly due to Bella's constant falling back on the subject. Not ten minutes passed without her somehow mentioning Edward, and thereby pulling him into every conversation we had. I grew exasperated – I wanted to talk to Bella _without_ hearing about the oh-so-perfect man she was about to marry.

By nine o'clock that evening, I found that I quite abhorred Edward Cullen.

But even with these minor challenges, dinner was enjoyable, and I wished the moment would last forever. I didn't want to have to think about the following day, when I'd surely question my own behavior and draw conclusions that I hardly wanted to hear.

When it was almost time for us to leave – for it was getting pretty late – I couldn't hold back my ever burning curiosity, and asked her the question that had been bugging me from the very day we'd met. "Bella? I'm sorry if this sounds strange, but… is there something you're hiding from me? I can't help but get the impression that you're not completely honest sometimes, like you're leaving me out on something."

For a fracture of a second, Bella's expression grew worried – _scared_, even. And though she composed her face before I could take a closer look, the anxiety never left her eyes; her smile was all but authentic. Her words, however, were heartfelt. "We've only known each other for a few days, Amelia. I like you a lot, but still we both have a long way to go before we truly know each other. And then again – we all have secrets, don't we? You're not always straightforward with me, either. Some things are better left unsaid."

I had to admit – Bella Swan was smart. Already in our discussions she had proven that she was not an average teenager, and that she, too, was interested in a great variety of things. But now, in yet another of her short analyses, she had once again shown that she was more perceptive than I gave her credit for.

I dropped the matter – I really had no desire to go any deeper into the secrets _I_ was keeping – and was slightly more silent until the end of dinner.

When the clock hands reached ten o'clock, Jack sighed and stood up reluctantly. "I'm sorry, but we really should be getting home now. It's a school night."

All heads in the room turned to me for a fleeting second. I pretended not to notice the stares. _'Didn't Amelia get suspended? Wasn't she drinking at school?'_ Their unspoken thoughts rang in my ears.

"I understand. Thank you for coming! It was a great evening." Charlie rose to his feet, too, and began the customary round of thanks.

Bella and I stood up as well, and started making our way to the front door. Bella talked to Jack while I put on my rain jacket, and didn't approach me until we were almost out the door.

When she did, her words shocked and bewildered me. "I had a nice time tonight. So I was thinking… since you haven't had the time to make any friends at school, would you like to do something with me on Saturday? We could watch a movie, or… uh, go shopping… or just talk. Whatever you want. I need an alibi for the weekend, or my soon-to-be sister-in-law will drown me in wedding preparations. What do you say?"

I didn't know what to say.

Nobody had invited me anywhere in the last couple of years. I had spent my time isolated from the world, from all the bothersome adolescents, and learned the pointlessness of my wretched life in the hours of solitude. And now Isabella Swan, the girl whom I had been determined to destroy, was showing unmistakable kindness and chivalry towards me. My mind was not equipped to handle this sort of request.

So I reacted the only way I knew, the only way I could keep my composure. My tone was spiteful when I talked. "Why would I? You only want to murder me in some quiet spot, since your attack the other day didn't do the job. What – You think I fell for your whole friend act? I'm not that obtuse. Though life is meaningless, I'd still rather stick around for a bit more."

Before I turned away, I caught a glimpse of Bella's hurt expression.

What I saw pained me.

For her deep eyes revealed the disappointment clearly.


	8. Achilles Heel

What should I have done different? What should I have said instead of those hideous words? How could I have sealed my happiness?

No answers came to me; try as hard as I might to think. I could have done a million things – Turned around and apologized, made a joke out of my odd behavior, or not have spoken at all in the first place, in which case all this trouble could have been spared. At this very minute I would be joyful, thinking about the upcoming visit with anticipation, and not wallowing in my misery the way I was now. I cursed myself for being such a fool – Why was I so distrustful? Bella had had nothing, but good intentions with her proposition.

But deep down, my inner voice still screamed at me for believing her silly words. I was distrustful for a reason – humans, especially teenagers, were deceitful, lying creatures that aimed only for their own fortune. Bella Swan simply happened to be a better impostor than the rest of them, and had found my Achilles heel that she was now using against me. She saw my desire – my _need_ – for a friend, for someone who could understand me and not judge my personality by my looks. I hated to admit it, but I was not complete the way I was.

_Nonsense! You're perfect the way you are. You're not content, I'll give you that, but who is, after all? Nobody is happy – They just don't see the facts. YOU know how pointless life is, and that makes you richer, complete. The OTHERS are not complete, my dear. And now they're pulling you down with them._

Even after a day of contemplation, I came to no agreement with myself. I didn't know what to make of Bella – Was she my enemy or my friend? Had she _wanted_ to be my friend, but our last exchange had made her my foe? Surely any positive feelings she might have still felt towards me were destroyed by my bizarre and cruel reaction.

And that was what I feared the most, that I had made a new enemy – The kind that could bring you down easily. If Bella was playing against me now, I'd have no hope to win the battle. She read me too well.

As evening approached, I felt my apprehension skyrocket. The thought of seeing Bella again at work split my feelings in two – On one side I feared our impending meeting, and what she might have to say about our last encounter. On the other side, I felt relief. By the end of the evening my doubts would be resolved – And knowing was always better than being left in the dark, right? When I went to bed that evening, I would know exactly where I stood, and could plan my future attacks ahead. The missing knowledge of Bella's own plan was unnerving, but work would clear all that.

So I repeated those thoughts in my head as Jack drove me to the store, and the mantra continued as I opened the door to the shop. _It'll be over by evening, it'll be over by evening…_

But Isabella Swan wasn't there.

My luck had left me at the time of my greatest need. Mike informed me that Bella didn't work everyday, and that he had lessened her shifts because of the forthcoming wedding. I was stuck with him and him alone for the evening.

And as if that wasn't punishment enough, I'd have to face another day of deliberation and worry. Another day of pure and absolute torture.

But tomorrow she would work again, wouldn't she? The Newtons needed employees on weekends too. Maybe the shop was busier then. Surely Bella would show up, too.

My hopes were crushed the following day. I entered the store bright and early on Saturday morning, hoping for the knowledge I longed for, but found the shop empty, once again, except for the delicate figure of Mrs. Newton – A despicable lady with whom I didn't get along any better than with her son.

My luck had not quite left me, however – The store was busy for the whole three hours I spent there, and Mrs. Newton didn't have the chance to bore me with her endless, futile chattering. Though this fact gave me some consolation, I couldn't help but note the increasing tension that was building up in my stomach.

Bella was not here. I'd have to live through another day without the information I needed so desperately.

The hands of the clock seemed to slow down, and I soon felt like the world was running through a time loop – The ticks were unbearably far from each other.

Eleven-thirty. Only one hour left to go.

What if Bella didn't work on Sundays, either? What if I'd have to wait _another_ day until I could finally confront her? But one day was not much – after all, I had plenty of days behind me, already. One more couldn't do any harm. Besides, battle tactics took long to prepare; I doubted Bella had hers finished yet, either.

And with these thoughts, time must have progressed. It took at least fifteen minutes, right? I glanced at the clock again.

It was eleven-thirty-one.

This _couldn't_ continue! I couldn't live through every minute this way, wondering whether Bella hated me or not. I had two options – I could either face her and see what side she had taken, or I could run, and avoid her until the rest of my days. Option two was tempting, but I decided against it – What sort of coward was I? I could deal with one adolescent.

But either way, I couldn't continue the way I had. I couldn't _not_ know whether I was seeing her again or not. I needed a concrete fact to work with.

And tomorrow she would be at work, for sure. She would. Tomorrow would come quickly, right?

I glanced at the clock.

Eleven-thirty-two.

_That's IT!!_

No more of this rubbish! If Bella Swan wasn't coming to me, _I_ would go to _her_. Fate couldn't hide her from me.

So the minute I was free to leave work, I threw the vest on the counter and hurried outside.

But I had forgotten about my one problem – I had no car. Jack was waiting on the parking lot with his cruiser, wearing his uniform as he had just come from work.

_Crap, crap, crap!_ Nothing had to work well today, did it?

But my determination couldn't be stopped. I slammed the door behind me as I scrambled onto the passenger seat and nearly shouted at my astonished father. "Bring me to the Swans. _Now._"

I didn't care that I was under house arrest. I didn't care that I was most likely bringing myself closer to my doom. I didn't care that my father looked too bewildered to say anything.

I had made up my mind. Bella Swan wouldn't avoid me any longer.

Jack stammered something about house arrest, but nonetheless drove me to the familiar house of the Swans. He seemed too satisfied in the fact that I had found a friend to forbid me from seeing her, and after some minutes, the baffled look on his face disappeared, and was replaced by a contented grin.

He shouted something after me when I bounced out of the car when we arrived, but I was too concentrated on the task at hand to care. I had to be careful when I spoke to Bella; she should not see my regret for the words I had spit at her.

I rang the doorbell many times before anyone had the time to rush to the door. To my great displeasure, it was Charlie who opened it, and his daughter was nowhere to be seen. He looked surprised to see me. "A-Amelia! What are you… Aren't you under house arrest?"

Charlie shot a questioning look at my father who was still sitting in the car, and from the corner of my eye I saw him shrug back. But I ignored Charlie's question, and shot one of my own. "Where's Bella?"

"She's not home. She usually spends the weekends over at Edward's – wedding preparations, you know. But I'm sure if you come back later she'll –"

I didn't let him finish, but bounded back to the cruiser as soon as he told me where to find Bella. Jack shook his head as I climbed onto the seat beside him once again, but didn't comment my rudeness in any other way – There was no point, and he knew it.

"Do you know where the Cullens live?" I asked him without hesitation, irritated about my prolonged search. Destiny really _was_ trying to hide her from me.

"Well yes, I do, but do you really think it's a good idea? You can't just disturb Bella when she's in the middle of planning her wedding, and I doubt her fiancé would be that happy, either," Jack argued, but I could hear from his tone that he wasn't that disapproving at all – Was that amusement I sensed in his voice?

That exasperated me even more, and I could feel myself approaching my limits. "To the Cullens', then. _Now_."

Jack did as I'd asked – no, _commanded_ – him to without a further protest. I was glad to see my influence had not quite dissolved in the past few days of weakness.

But I soon found out what his real intentions were, and how little they had to do with my intimidating character. Jack was timid as he spoke, careful with his choice of words. "You and Bella seem to be getting along really well. I glad to see you open up to someone."

I snorted and kept my eyes firmly fixed on the road.

"She's a nice girl. Very friendly, kind, caring…"

And most probably resentful at the very moment. A part of me was sure – very sure, indeed – that she would give me nothing but bitter words once I arrived at the Cullens. I had done plenty wrong – the vindictive words I had uttered last night, the way I'd panicked… And what was I doing now? I was interrupting their perfectly peaceful Saturday morning.

A second part of me was hopeful. Could Bella still like me? She had analyzed me so well before; perhaps she understood my persona well enough not to be offended by my reaction. This tiny part of me I suppressed – Hope was never good. Hope was always crushed.

And then there was the "ego". She told me not to be an idiot, and to believe the notion I'd had from the very beginning – Bella Swan was a fraud, and only wanted to destroy me with her kind words. She was good at reading people, and was now using it against me.

This part of me was the smallest, yet its lungs were the strongest. My voice screamed at me frenziedly throughout the entire car ride.

"I think the driveway is here… no wait, still a few yards. The house is hard to find," my father muttered, mainly to himself.

We drove part the curve once before we finally found it. The driveway was shadowed by trees and fauna of all sorts, giving the impression of a forest.

That was precisely what it was – A forest.

Though I was impressed by the driveway, it was nothing compared to what I felt once we reached the house.

Needless to say, it was beautiful. Like every other aspect about the Cullens, the house – no, _mansion_ – rose above all vegetation, and shone through the green of the plants like a diamond. It was situated in the middle of a vast meadow, and I could hear a stream tinkling in the distance while everything else was still. Even the grayness of the sky couldn't affect the polished majesty, yet welcoming flair of the home.

I was thoroughly awed and intimidated.

The talk that I had earlier classified as standard gossip suddenly rung true in my ears. The Cullens really _were_ filthy rich.

While I stared at the house, trying my best to cover the astonishment on my face, Jack had stopped the car a few yards away from the manor and was now looking at the house, too, a twinge of amazement still visible in his features. "It's a beautiful house."

I didn't answer – when did I ever? – but this time it was out of more than just protest. There was no need for agreeing words.

"I know I'm doing what every parental guide warns us unsuspecting parents from doing, but I can't deny you a friend, can I? Bella's good for you. So I'll be here to pick you up in the afternoon, all right? If you need to come home earlier-" he said this with a concerned grimace, knowing fully well how things usually ended when I got involved "– just call. Don't do anything stupid, though, or I won't be this generous again. You got it?"

"Yeah, whatever." I was glad to see my old ability to remain untouched was still intact. I would need this ability while talking to Bella.

And so I got out of the car, and stepped towards my doom.


	9. Superhero

The doorbell echoed through the house.

It was strange to stand there at the door while the mansion looked vacant. Had I seen it when walking past by chance, I would not have believed that it was occupied. Not that it wasn't in good shape – there was not so much as a scratch in the flawless, white paint of the outer wall. But the general air around the place was… dead. The forest was silent; I detected no movement in the bushes around the field, nor the singing of birds in the trees. This I found extremely peculiar, as it was July and therefore midsummer. Why was everything so silent?

The house was silent, too – no scurrying of feet were distinguishable even after I'd pressed the doorbell, and no footsteps were to be heard from within. The only sound seemed to be that of my breathing and heartbeat – a slightly ragged rhythm that was accompanied by a fair dose of adrenaline. Yet I felt no ecstasy as the substance coursed through my veins – for once, I wished it were gone, so I were more in the position to think clearly about the situation.

All these thoughts were over in a fracture of a second, for I didn't have to wait long for the door to be opened. This I found strange, too – I hadn't heard anyone approach it while waiting.

A most lovable looking woman stood behind it, smiling warmly.

And, of course, she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen.

Her caramel-colored hair reached over her shoulders and fell down her back as smoothly as water; her golden eyes pierced right through mine; her figure was slight, yet voluptuous… And every detail melted into the next; the result was a masterwork of art.

I had never believed in God, but she surely was an angel.

Her voice didn't deceive her looks. "Good morning, or should I say afternoon? What can I do for you?"

I hadn't fully recovered from my shock as I answered, "I'm sorry… I'm Amelia."

There was an awkward pause in which I rearranged my thoughts. The woman waited patiently, the amiable smile never faltering.

"Is… is Bella here? I was at her house, but Charlie said she was out with Edward and I thought maybe…" Never before had I felt this insecure, this _nervous_ as I was now in the presence of the divine creature. It was unlike me to ever feel awed by anyone, and now it was happening for the third time in the short time span of a week.

Her smile grew more pronounced once she heard my answer, and the woman moved aside while gesturing me to enter with her hand. "Yes, Bella is upstairs in Edward's room right now. Come on in!"

I stepped into the grand hall of the building, shocked once more by the pompous beauty of the mansion. The insides were as white and spotless as the exterior, and I found myself searching for a flaw in the light furniture of the room. I found none.

I was about to utter an excuse to leave the intimidating cleanness of the house when I saw Bella and her repelling husband-to-be emerge on the top stairs. They were walking hand-in-hand in the gooey fashion that was so typical for teenagers. I briefly wondered if she was that different after all, if she was nevertheless just another idiot adolescent.

But among my repulsion, a new feeling appeared. I didn't recognize it at first, but then remembered feeling something like it a long time ago. An image of a girl dressed in a fabulous, flowing, silk dress flashed through my mind, and I recalled feeling the same way as I looked at her clothes, wishing I were wearing that dress instead of her…

_Envy?_

"Amelia!" Bella came skipping down the stairs, a rather hesitant Edward following. He looked at me in sympathy, almost like he knew what I was thinking, or what I was feeling.

This intimidated me even more, and I realized how little I actually wanted to stand there. My instincts screamed at me to run, to hide from both Bella Swan as well as the stunning, alien people around her. I made my attempt to flee, knowing fully well how I would regret that decision later on.

"Bella. I… well, I was actually wondering if your offer from yesterday was still in force, but I see you're busy… with Edward… so I'll just leave. Bye." I turned on my heels, an odd sensation of unhappiness washing through me. I suddenly had the rare desire to cry…

_Weakling! I told you not to believe her, did I not? Like anyone could be friends with you._

"No! Wait! It's not problem, Amelia, really. You're not disturbing us or anything."

I turned around again, and saw the familiar, friendly smile lighting up Bella's face. Edward looked disapproving, but didn't say anything. I tried my best to smile back, my muscles unaccustomed to move in that direction, and was pretty sure my expression looked more like a grimace than anything else. Bella seemed content with it, though, and motioned me to come closer with her hand.

I hesitated. There were no angry words, no raising of the eyebrows, not even any disapproving glances – if the one I received from Edward didn't count. All this kindness alarmed me even more.

If Bella had begun to scream at me, I would have known exactly how to react. But the way things were, I had nothing to work with. Not a single gesture to warn me of the events to follow.

It was as if Bella had forgotten our last meeting completely, as if it were wiped from her memory for good.

Or was this another trick?

Bella noticed my apprehension, and stopped a few feet away. Edward stayed beside her all along, keeping his arm wrapped around her waist in a protective manner. His body always stayed a few inches ahead of hers.

Was Edward Cullen afraid I might hurt his fiancée? What an amusing idea. I _had_ come up with it a few times before…. But only in my thoughts…

Ha hah. So now he was a telepathist, too? Gosh, what did this man not do?

I silently giggled at my thoughts while noting the increasing tension of Edward's figure.

Bella's eyebrows furrowed, clearly not very pleased with Edward. She struggled a little in his grasp, yet he wouldn't let go – his arms seemed to have created an unbreakable restraint around the poor girl.

Eventually, Bella surrendered and let out an exasperated sigh. "Edward, seriously. Let me go."

Edward released his grip slightly, but still didn't stir from his position next to Bella. I pretended to be oblivious to their silent disagreement, and said the only thing that came into mind.

"The house is… big."

Bella smiled. "Yes, it is. Very light, too."

And a silent moment followed, accompanied by a feeling that was so unlike me, but so typical for Bella – awkwardness. I looked away from the couple – embarrassed by my own loquaciousness – and observed that the beautiful lady from earlier had gone. When had she left the room? I hadn't heard a thing.

"So… what would you like to do? I don't want to bother the Cullens too much. Maybe we should go to my place?" Bella's tone was casual again, and a light smile adorned her lips.

That was my cracking point.

"What? No words of hate? No screaming and yelling? You're just going to act like nothing happened?" My voice, unlike hers, was strained. Why was Bella Swan still dancing on the tip of my nose, so near but yet so untouchable? I had come here seeking for answers, not new riddles. Not a human being on earth would simply forget the scene I'd made a few days ago.

Bella's brows furrowed once again as she went over what I'd said. Her pondering took a few seconds, after which she finally left Edward's side – the latter half reaching out for her when she did so – and came to stand before me. Her chocolate eyes penetrated mine. "I… I didn't know you were still thinking about that. I thought that by coming here, you'd forgiven me. Was I wrong?"

I couldn't believe my ears. "Excuse me, _what_? Why should I forgive you? You didn't do anything. I was the one who let you down. I-I'm sorry about that. You know, I actually had a great time that evening, and I don't know what went into me when I talked to you that way."

My voice broke in the middle of the sentence; wetness started gathering in my eyes. My emotions were going overboard.

_No need to cry, no need to cry, no need to cry…_

Great. I was pretty sure that weeping didn't belong to the image of a Goth.

But though I cried and breathed shakily, Bella didn't touch me. Her position remained the same, and while I saw how much she wanted to comment my crying, she held her tongue. Nothing but her expression gave away the fact that I was shedding futile tears.

And that was when I noticed the true character of Bella Swan. Her analyses hadn't been attacks on my weakest spot. Her friendly smile and unprejudiced manner weren't there out of cruelty. She _understood_ me.

So Bella had unlocked my personality, and saw what I needed to hear and to feel, and respected my unsaid wishes. She had knowledge of human nature, an ability that was only found seldom amongst the ignorant teenagers of the world.

Ashamed of my tears, I turned my head away from her and looked out of the large window on the other side of the room instead. The window was huge – or was the whole wall made of glass? But despite not seeing the two people in the room, I felt their presence with every cell of my body. Bella was radiating confusion and sadness, while the invisible waves I received from Edward were more disapproving.

I had found him rather repellant after hearing Bella talk of him. He, apparently, had come to the same conclusion about me.

Bella seemed to have gathered her thoughts again when she answered in a quiet tone, barely above a whisper, "I don't blame you for anything. It was my stupidity to take such a huge step so soon. I should have seen your reaction – in a way, I _knew_ it was too early. I know this is going to sound a little strange to you, but I actually understand what you're feeling right now. Though you _are_ a puzzle, I feel like I may have a chance at solving it. But then I thought I'd messed it up by inviting you over – you're not a very sociable sort of person. I realized my sudden offer must have been quite a shock for you."

I kept my eyes fixed on the trees outside, though internally, my mind was spinning. Bella's words had only strengthened my epiphany, and proved that she _did_ understand me, at least to some degree. But the fact that she was blaming herself…

I had found the most insane person in Forks. Of that I was sure.

Not even the Cullens could compete with Bella.

She didn't continue, and neither did Edward. He had moved back to Bella's side in the meantime, and was now grasping her arm in the same protective manner as before.

Goodness. That man had some problems.

I found that it was my duty to decide what happened next. I didn't like that feeling – somehow, Bella always left the choice to me. It was not a good position for me to be in; the incident last Thursday had proven that. I usually only mucked up whenever I had to react correctly.

But not this time.

"Ok then, what should we do?"

All right, I'll admit it. My voice was not very convincing, and the friendly words tasted twisted in my mouth; my body language didn't communicate that outgoingness very well, either.

But Bella seemed to have swallowed it, for her answering tone was as light and glad as ever. "I don't know. You can choose. But… let's go somewhere else, ok? It's hardly appropriate that I should invite my guests over to a house that isn't even mine."

There it was again, the strange sensation that she was keeping something from me. Bella appeared to want me out of the house quickly; I even observed a slightly nervous twisting of her fingers as she spoke.

Before I had the time to respond, though, Edward had turned Bella around to look at him. "This _is_ your house, love. You're part of the family."

I suppressed a gag. Edward was obviously a helpless romantic, and every word that escaped his mouth was honeysweet – combined with his hilariously good looks, I could only picture him in some horrible romance tale taking place in medieval England. _"No fear, my dear lady, I shall slay the dragon keeping you hostage, and then take you as my wife!"_

Bella didn't seem to mind his tacky manner, though, and she answered in an almost identically sweet voice, "I know that, Edward. But I think we should still go out. It's not fair towards your family. They already have to endure _me_."

Strange sensation number two. Why did I get the feeling that she meant something completely different from what I thought she was saying?

Edward took her face in his hands – earning another near-gag from me – and spoke with even more intense adoration than before. "My family will endure you a hundred times if it makes me happy. You can stay here. I'd rather you did."

_"So that I can keep an eye on your friend,"_ I added mentally.

Bella stared back at her fiancé with a disapproving look, but eventually had to yield. Edward's eyes scorched bright gold when he turned to look back at me, making me nearly jump back at the force in them. "Bella's friends are my friends. Stay as long as you like."

Something about his tone told me that the statement wasn't entirely heartfelt.

Bella scrambled free from his arms – for he was holding her tightly against his body, again – and motioned me to follow her upstairs after throwing a questioning glance at Edward. The latter nodded, and stepped aside to let me pass. His eyes never left my direction.

"Where are we going?" I made no effort to keep my voice the same friendly one from earlier. I figured I could risk being myself again, now that Bella seemed to have forgiven me, as strange as that seemed. I was astonished by how quickly she had moved away from the topic.

But then again, that had been me. _I_ had begun to talk about something entirely different.

"In Edward's room. I really don't want to disturb the Cullens."

I snorted at her. "What, am I such a nuisance?"

"No, no. Not at all. It's just…" She didn't finish her sentence, but drifted off in her thoughts. My newly found curiosity flared up again when I realized that I was getting closer to her secret.

_Was_ I close to the solution of the riddle? Perhaps the answer was in the Cullens. There _was_ something extremely peculiar about the whole family, at least judging by the parents and one son I'd met. Bella was an average Joe; her home had not left me baffled the slightest. But _this_ home…

Maybe I could squeeze the answer out of her. I didn't need malevolent reasons to find out, right?

I was simply curious.

We had reached a door on the third story of the colossal house. We were about to step inside, when, without a warning, a high, clear voice sounded from behind us. I jumped at the sudden noise in the otherwise silent house. "Hello, Bella. Hi, Amelia."

Bella didn't seem as surprised as I was at the sound, but twirled around casually. "Honestly, you shouldn't scare people like that. You nearly gave me a heart attack."

I didn't understand why _she_ was the one saying it. Her stance was usual, her face tranquil – I seemed to be the only one affected by the unexpected appearance.

By the time I'd finally calmed my heart down again, I felt another wave of surprise wash through me. It had taken me a while to rest my eyes on the new figure before us, but once I did, my senses went haywire once again.

I shouldn't have been surprised, I knew that – weren't all the Cullens ridiculously gorgeous? I had already made that observation. Yet it shocked me each time.

This Cullen was tinier than the rest – several inches smaller than me, in fact – and her dark hair was cropped short, giving her an even more fragile appearance. No, fragile was the wrong word – this girl was delicate, but not in any means fragile. Something about her made Bella look incredibly weak while standing there.

The so far anonymous girl walked forward – or should I say, _danced_ – and chuckled lightly, sounding like a fairy as she did so.

Where had I heard that description before?

"Sorry. It's just too fun. I'm Alice, by the way." She turned to me and offered her hand.

I just stared at it in confusion, noticing only a few seconds too late what it was there for. Before I had time to react, Alice pulled her hand back again and look at me with a baffled expression. She turned to look at Bella again. "I'm going out with Jasper, but call me if you need anything, ok? We could go shopping with Amelia."

Whilst I was shaking away my horror at hearing about the pending shopping trip, Bella concentrated on something else Alice had said. "Oh. I-I'm sorry. I can go to my place, really. It's no big deal…"

"Nonsense. You stay here. I'll see you around!"

And the tiny Cullen danced off again, leaving me dazed and confused. I stayed where I was, and blinked.

Bella chuckled at my expression, but I could hear the forced humor in her tone. Something Alice said had upset her, and I had a feeling it wasn't the shopping I was referring to.

She turned the knob of the door, and we entered Edward's room.

The room was tidy and light like everything else in the house, and the back wall was the same window as the wall downstairs. This confirmed my suspicion – the whole back wall of the house really _was_ made of glass. Apart from a large bed in the far side of the room, the only furniture were shelves filled with CDs, a huge bed, an expensive-looking audio system in the corner, and a black leather sofa on the other side of the room.

I was quite surprised – I had imagined Edward's room to be some chamber filled with roses and gooey romance novels.

Bella dropped onto the black couch and beckoned me further inside. I let my gaze go over the endless shelves of CDs, and realized what Edward's hobby was – he obviously liked music. The names of the albums were mostly completely unfamiliar to me, though I could make out some artists I'd heard of – all from a different century.

"Edward is an enthusiastic musician." Bella had noticed my curiosity.

"I can tell."

"He writes music himself, too. And plays the piano."

"Uhuh."

"You should hear him play. I promise, it's the most beautiful thing you'll ever hear. He's extremely talented."

I didn't even feign my interest. This was just another example of how Edward Cullen always hung over us when we spoke – though Bella understood me well, she seemed oblivious to my apathy when it came to her husband-to-be. It was as if she couldn't comprehend why somebody _wouldn't_ like him.

But there _was_ something I was interested in about him. "He has a strange family."

Bella's smile disappeared for a fracture of a second. "I guess so. They're incredibly nice, though."

"No doubt. But their whole story is a little odd, is it not? The doctor at the hospital said they're all adopted, meaning they're not actually related to each other. But still they all look alike. Pail skin, golden eyes, stunning features…"

Bella merely shrugged at my question. She struggled to compose her face, but she couldn't quite hide the concern from her eyes – concern for what?

I continued my interrogation. "And then they're all so silent. Even now the house is completely still, and I _know_ at least Edward and the other woman are at home. Plus, I didn't hear Alice approach us. Do all the Cullens have the uncanny ability to appear out of thin air?"

My words were followed by Bella's shaky laugh and not-so-honest joke. "You're absurd. What are you suggesting? That I'm marrying a superhero or something?"

Huh. That made sense. Maybe the Cullens _were_ superheroes. They lived a normal life during the day, but as soon as night came they went out to defend the lives of poor innocents caught in the crossfire between them and Dr. Frankenstein…

_Someone's been reading too many comics._

"Hey, Amelia, have you ever been to the theatre? I was at this wonderful play with Edward a few weeks back…"

At the time I hadn't noticed, but when I reflected back to that moment, I realized what Bella had done with those words.

She had steered me away from the topic. She had made me forget my thoughts.

Which meant that I'd gotten close to the core of the riddle.

But once we started talking, all I could think about was our discussion.


	10. Calm Disaster

The following weeks passed rapidly.

The dull, gray days were spent with Bella, our ever-growing friendship bringing light into the darkness of even my miserable existence. Life was suddenly not worthless and hollow for me, and soon I found myself looking forward to waking up in the morning and facing another day.

Why Bella had this effect on me, I did not know, though I'd thought about it long and intensely. I liked the girl a lot – her open-mindedness and tolerance for my flaws amazed me time after time; the pleasure for books which we both shared always gave us a new topic to discuss; her understanding of my thoughts and sentiments was new to me. But I had known myself for too long – surely I couldn't be emotionally attached to her? I had never _liked_ anyone; why would this specific girl have caught my attention?

But once a week had passed, I couldn't lie to myself anymore.

Bella was my _friend_.

No other word could describe the ridiculous longing I had for her presence. When she wasn't around I felt horrible, like the girl I'd used to be before meeting her. I might even go as far as to say I _loved_ her; she was the older sister my mother had failed to bring to life.

Our days were not without difficulties. Every now and then I would fall back to distrusting her – human character was so troublesome to change – and uttered a few cutting words which hurt Bella deeply, try as hard as she might to hide it. No, my own character hadn't changed, but my thoughts caught up with me fairly quickly, and I was able to apologize without further arguments most of the time. Our longest quarrel lasted only a few hours, after which I'd appeared at her doorstep again, begging for forgiveness in the quiet way that was so usual of me. I didn't talk much when I regretted something, but Bella understood what I was wishing to say without needing any words for explanation.

Was that another definition of the word 'friend'? Someone who comprehended the other's feelings and thoughts without needing a guide?

Apart from my occasional mistrust, our friendship was easy, flowing. All in all, I was kind to Bella, nearly as kind as she was to me, but I never had to change my personality while I was at it. When talking to Bella, I let myself chatter freely, and often didn't even recognize my frenzied voice when I came to a topic that particularly interested me.

But as nice as I was to Bella, my behavior around other people hadn't changed much. I'd shocked Bella many times by being unreasonably rude with Charlie, or by suddenly dropping in an inappropriate comment to one of the Cullens. Rosalie was my favorite victim – Edward's older sister was outrageously beautiful, even more so than any other member of their family. Yet her personality was the most flawed, and I never failed to use this weakness against her. It was easy to irritate her – a simple comment about her superficiality always did the job. After hearing me speak, she would leave with a loud "humph" and lock herself up in her room for the rest of the day.

The rest of the Cullens were all right, I guess, though I couldn't help but sense their strange ways while observing them. I spent many hours at the Cullens – much to Bella's and Rosalie's dismay, I should add – and therefore had plenty of opportunities to continue my theorizing. Carlisle was not around a lot, as he spent most of his time at the hospital, but he seemed kind enough. Esme, the woman who had greeted me on the very first day, was absolutely lovable; I couldn't imagine being rude to her. Rosalie's husband Emmett (the Cullens seemed to marry young – must be the money) was endurable, though he didn't approve of my attacks at his admired wife. Alice was… enthusiastic, as I soon found out. She jumped all over the place, and never spoke of anything but the upcoming wedding. I'd snapped at her countless times, mostly because her bubbly nature didn't fit to mine at all, but always ended up apologizing when I saw the ridiculous puppy-look in her eyes.

Her husband Jasper was an interesting case. I didn't see him a lot, either, but used whatever excuse I could to see him. He was quiet and reserved, the contrast between him and his wife vast, and seemed to disappear each time I came to visit. The more I observed him, the surer I was of my theory – whatever secret Bella was keeping from me, it definitely involved Jasper. Her expression became immensely apologizing every time she saw him, making me wonder what on earth it was that she was sorry for.

But while I found most of the Cullen family fairly manageable, I couldn't erase the repulsion I felt towards Edward.

This was _my_ secret from Bella – I never told her how annoyed I was by his constant presence and over-protectiveness. In a way, I envied him, for whenever he was around Bella devoted her full attention to him, and momentarily forgot my existence while smiling one of her dreamy smiles. Each time it reminded me of how I was not a priority in her life, the way she was for me. My days revolved around Bella Swan; her thoughts were constantly with _him_.

No, I never told Bella how much I despised him. But I never particularly hid it, either.

Edward and I led a constant, silent battle – we communicated through looks, through gestures… through thoughts? I nearly believed in my own telepathic abilities when sometimes my hate filled thoughts seemed to reach him. It was irrational, in a way, but the streams of profanities I shot at him through my body language were too satisfying to give up on.

We tolerated each other for Bella's sake. She was the only reason for our truce.

Only one week was left before the wedding when I started worrying again. I was anxious that Bella might forget me, as she was leaving straight for college once she returned from her honeymoon. Who knew how long our separation would be – A few months? A year?

An eternity?

Yes, that was what I was afraid of. Something about Bella's manner whenever I mentioned it gave her lie away – there was more to her entering college than publicly known. Was her departure more permanent than she'd revealed?

I didn't dare to think of it.

But with only a few days left until our possibly final goodbye, I couldn't handle the insecurity anymore. I simply _had_ to know. She just _had_ to tell me.

So one day, I ambushed her as soon as we arrived at her home. "Are you excited about college?"

Apart from the usual startle, there was another emotion in her eyes – worry? My changed tone had obviously tipped her off. She knew what I was getting at before I'd even spoken.

"I suppose I am."

She didn't even bother hanging a casual '_Why?'_ to the end.

The first raindrops of the day started falling, indicating that the weather predictions might just be right for the day – a thunderstorm was approaching Forks.

While I prepared myself for the cross-examination, Edward shifted closer to his fiancée and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. The position annoyed me – his stance was just about screaming at me to let the matter drop.

This, of course, only encouraged me.

"So… What college are you going to, again?"

Bella didn't even have time to open her mouth before Edward answered for her. "Alaska."

His voice was firm, definite.

"I'm sorry, but I believe I asked Bella, didn't I?" I used the politest, yet most venomous tone I had, a voice which I reserved particularly for the gorgeous man before me. His now dark golden eyes – Did they shift color with his moods? – stared deep into mine, daring me to venture further into the subject.

But intense looks couldn't scare me. Oh no, he'd have to do much more than that.

Bella glanced from me to him and back again, evaluating the suddenly tense atmosphere in the room. I met her gaze with mine, and smiled in a way that probably didn't convince her that everything was well. "Where in Alaska, exactly?"

"Um..," Bella began, but was rudely interrupted by Edward again.

"It's a small town. I doubt you'd like to visit."

That was the last straw.

I stood up swiftly, nearly knocking Bella off the couch as I did. "I wasn't speaking to you."

Edward, who had caught Bella before she could fall down, gently set her down again and rose to meet my glare.

His face was composed, but his fierce, dark eyes revealed his prominent emotions – annoyance, even _rage_. I must admit – in his current state, he was the most bloodcurdling creature I'd ever seen.

"Her answer would have been the same as mine." His tone was more tranquil and polite than his eyes suggested, but I could still hear the temper boiling beneath all the tiresome covers.

It seemed to have alarmed Bella too, for she quickly stood up and placed her tiny hand on Edward's forearm. "Please."

He leaned back slightly, but didn't take his eyes off mine while softly pushing Bella behind him protectively. "I'm sorry, love. It was very rude of me to speak to your friend like that. I apologize."

I could only snort at his civil words.

Please, who did he think I was? Was he stuck in the 19th century or something?

To my great surprise, a tiny smile lightened up Edward's cold features for a split second before the familiar coldness returned.

"Maybe you should leave, Amelia," Bella spoke from behind Edward's back, trying to lean over his shoulder while addressing me.

But though her words were clear as day, I couldn't comprehend them.

"Me? Why should _I_ leave? He started it!"

I didn't care that I sounded like a five-year-old. I didn't care that Edward was staring at me with his frosty eyes, naturally agreeing with everything Bella said.

Once again, Bella had picked _him_ over me. Once again, she had shown me to whom her heart really belonged.

"I-I… I didn't mean it like that, Amelia! You can come over later. But you two obviously don't get along so I thought…"

"_But why me?!_"

I was shaking from the anger. Waves of every emotion possible washed through me; fury, disappointment, mistrust, sadness, all demanding some sort of action from me. My head swelled from endless thoughts; I heard the screaming voices that emerged whenever I was enraged.

And I _was_ enraged.

Edward reacted by pushing Bella onto the couch and taking a step towards me. "Calm down."

_Wrong move, darling._

I backed away from the suddenly intimidating man, and ran out of the room.

Was I heading home? Was I taking Bella's advice and leaving?

No. My mind only revolved around one single thing. And that thing was labeled "_Eliminate Edward"_.

If my memory served me correctly, Charlie had left his gun home while visiting the Indian reservation a few miles from here. How unwise of him.

Bella gasped as I entered the room with the weapon in my hand.

Edward had clearly already made all necessary steps to keep Bella from harm's way. He was positioned in front of her in a more tense position than ever, and monitored my every move as I stepped further into the room. I kept the pipe firmly aimed at his chest.

"Amelia, put the gun down." His voice was commanding, yet careful. To my great disappointment, no panic was visible in his eyes, though the fury was overflowing. But he seemed to have only one goal – to keep Bella safe. Too bad he didn't think of himself while he protected her.

My breaths were ragged as I stepped closer to my target. "I've had enough of you and your revolting manners."

"I know you have. But we can settle this peacefully. Please, Amelia. Think about Bella."

The lastly mentioned was covering behind Edward, clearly trying to think of something to say, but not finding the right words to utter.

"I think about her a lot, you know. She's my best friend. But she'll never quite be _mine_, though, will she? Because she'll always have _you_." The new feeling that I'd recognized as envy flared up in me again.

I continued in a shriller voice. "You don't deserve to be chosen over me! Only because you're handsome, and rich, and gentlemanlike, and… and _perfect!!"_

Edward never lost his calm as I spoke, in a way that made me think thathe had heard this all before. Heck, he probably had. Every girl he met most likely either completely idolized him or thought the same way as I did.

A flash of light illuminated the room for an instant, casting a fierce glow over Edward's flawless face. His now nearly black eyes almost pierced through my skin.

The world wasn't just! Men like him – perfect, attractive men – ruled the world. I had always stepped aside for them, _Alex_ had moved out of the way for them, and this was the result? The one good thing that had happened to me in such a long time was going to be ripped away over another one of those filthy, useless _liars_…

Thunder echoed through the still house, replacing the sound of my and Bella's frantic breathing for a second.

"Put the gun down."

His orders were futile.

I closed my eyes before pulling down the trigger.

_For Bella. For Alex. For myself._

_Click._

My eyes flashed open. Why "_click"_?

I'd been expecting a "_Bum"_ or a "_Paff"_ or a "_Rat-tat-tat"_ for all I cared, but a "_click"_?

My eyes met Edward's. His gaze had never left my face.

The rain outside eased for a moment, and the intervals between the thunder grew longer. All was still for the moment.

Edward stared at me with his pitch-black eyes.

Bella quivered behind his back.

And I struggled for breath as I realized what I'd almost done.

"Put the gun down, Amelia," Edward repeated his request, and this time, I obeyed him. I placed the handgun carefully on the floor and took a step back.

Before my foot was firmly on the ground, Edward snatched the weapon. For a fleet second, I feared he was intending to hurt me now that my own attack had failed, but before my fears could plant themselves in my head, he hid the gun behind his back and released his grip on Bella.

The latter glanced at me. The expression on her face scared me to the core.

"I-I'm sorry… I didn't mean to… I just…"

"Go."

Never before had I seen her this angry. Never before had she been so cold.

"Bella… please… I-I truly am sorry. I don't know what happened…"

"_Go._"

The usually so vivid, deep eyes stared at me hard and cold. Edward's threatening features meant nothing next to the remoteness that I saw there.

I gulped, but didn't budge.

"What can I do to…"

"Nothing."

"There must be…"

"Nothing."

"But…"

"You attempted to kill the reason of my existence. That is not something I consider pardonable. I thought you were my friend, but apparently, I was wrong. Now _leave_."

I looked at Bella for one last time and fled.

My legs had never run faster than they did then. I was out of the house in a matter of seconds, and darting down the wet road soon afterwards. The storm hadn't entirely passed yet; the last flashes of lightning lit up the sky at random intervals, casting an eerie light over the trees. My boots splattered the puddles of water as they hit them with full force.

And for the first time in weeks, my other "voice" got its say. Its tone was mocking while it spoke, but the theme of its short speech had changed. There were no more spiteful comments about my environment. No more hate filled insults.

This time, it accused _me_.

_Congratulations. You drove away the only good thing that ever happened to you. You lost your friend_.


	11. Memento Mori

The storm had cleared up by the following morning. Though it was still gray and raining as it always was in Forks, no more thunder echoed through the skies, and no more lightning ripped down onto earth. No, the big storm was over.

But now it was time for the consequences.

All tabloids bore only one headline – _"Most Violent Storm in Thirty Years Causes Three Deaths"_

Somewhere in northern Washington, a hollow tree had fallen on an elderly woman. She'd died a few hours later at the local hospital.

A middle-aged businessman had lost control over his vehicle while driving over the wet roads of Seattle. He had died on the spot.

The tragedy of the week – a toddler had been electrocuted when a lightning struck on the telephone line of the small town. The mourning parents got their interview onto the first page.

But was there anything about a crazy teenager who'd killed her friend's fiancé? Any headlines about the broken, miserable almost-widow called Isabella Swan?

I crumpled the news paper and tossed it into the corner. _Sweetie, I did warn you…_

That was true – I _had_ warned myself. My earlier experiences should have taught me how useless friendships were. Every human being I allowed to enter my life disappeared after a while, no matter how hard I tried to keep them near.

_You didn't try hard enough._

But I _had_! I had changed so much about me during the last weeks, and I'd thought it was enough. I'd thought I was on a good track. But apparently, nothing was good enough for Bella.

_Don't blame this on her, now. You're the one who pointed a gun at her fiancé._

I shook my head away from the guilt. It wasn't my fault. After all, Edward had simply begged for what happened. He had probably been aiming for it from the day we'd first met!

My inner voice didn't argue. I already knew.

I could try to deny it, and pretend to be content with myself as I was. I could pretend that the new friendship hadn't shaken me. But a return to my former self would be lethal, now that I'd tasted a sweeter existence. But what choice did I have? Bella wasn't speaking to me. She hadn't called after the incident last evening, and I was sure she wouldn't change her mind anytime soon.

The wedding was in three days. And then she'd leave.

Why did I have to lose it? Why had I reacted that way?

_Because it's who you are._

Edward had provoked me.

_But he wasn't the one who lost it._

Yesterday's storm might have passed over town, but the dark cloud still hung over _me_. My life had changed from dull to bearable to desolate in just a few weeks. I should have never let it progress that far.

Once Jack left for work, I curled myself into a ball on the living room couch. Self-pity was the word of the day.

I _did_ see how foolish I'd been. I'd done just what Edward had wanted me to – now he had her for himself, while I had to survive with only the leftovers of a past acquaintance. I had been daft, idiotic, _dimwitted_ with my act last evening, and had thereby surrendered to Edward.

Curse the man who'd ruined my life!

_Please. First you blame Bella, now him. I think we all know whose fault this really is._

I'd _always_ blamed Edward for everything bad that had happened between me and Bella. This wasn't the first time.

_It was your fault. YOUR fault alone._

Since when did my inner voice blame _me_ for the troubles in this world? I had always been the one fighting them, after all.

_You almost MURDERED him. Murderer, murderer, murderer…_

And what if I was a murderer?

_Now you're a pretender. Like all the other idiots in this world. Open your eyes and see the truth, my dearest! You're miserable because Bella's mad at you. She made you happy, but now you're even more wretched than before you met her. Screw the nonchalance; you're not fooling anyone anymore._

FINE!

My inner me was right.

No, _I_ was right.

Bella had meant everything to me – she had signified the beginning of a new era, a new life. Now she was gone, and I was petrified to go back again. I didn't _want_ to be surrounded by only dimwitted hypocrites again. Bella was the only exception so far, the only person I could respect, but now I was yet again alone in my thoughts.

Yesterday afternoon, I had been determined to find out her secret, from pure curiosity. This morning, I couldn't care less about what she was hiding. I just wanted _her_.

But there was no way. My "voice" could argue all day and night if it wanted to – there was no escaping the fate I'd designed for myself so many years ago. I would end up either dead or in a jail cell before long and nothing could stop me from fulfilling that destiny.

I contemplated about calling Bella to beg for her forgiveness. And I might have done just that if it had been something else – she always forgave harsh words and raised tones. But this time, I had ventured far beyond those limits.

Edward was her greatest treasure. She wasn't going to forgive me.

_Well then, stop fretting. Get up and start living your old life again. There's nothing you can do – so why cry over unalterable facts?_

Now I was sounding like myself again.

I forced myself up from the couch – not a single tear would be shed for that girl again – and walked into the kitchen. I had to think of something good to let Jack know I was back again; devastating the kitchen sounded like a good idea.

No, forget that one. I needed something more creative.

My eyes raked over the items in the room, looking for inspiration. The car keys on the table gave me a thought – maybe now was the right time for that accident I had planned so long ago.

It seemed like a lifetime lay between me and the gloomy past.

_There you go again._

I took a deep breath, making myself focus again. I would pick the keys up from the table, walk to the car that I hadn't used ever since my last exploit, and then I would speed to my heart's desire. It was a simple plan, and yet it held an impressive shock value.

But I hesitated.

My mind screamed at my limbs to move, but my legs didn't budge from their position. Some invisible force had glued me to the spot – all I could do was stare at the keys on the table with longing. Only a few feet separated me from my glorious not-so-happy end.

_You're scared._

I didn't know how to answer that. I couldn't tell if it was true – was I scared, or was I not? Impending death had never frightened me before, why should it have that effect on me now?

_Because you have something to live for._

Correction – I'd _had_ something to live for. But that something had never been truly mine, and now it was gone for good.

I was about to make another attempt at snatching the keys, when an unexpected noise broke me from my concentration.

The phone on the kitchen counter vibrated as its ring echoed through the vacant house.

Acting more out of reflex than anything else, I strode over to the handset and picked it up.

I wasn't expecting anyone specific. My guesses were pretty vague – perhaps it was Jack, who was checking to see if I was still alive. More likely it was a prank call, or one of those frustrating telephone salespersons. Either way, it wasn't anything significant, I was sure.

But the voice on the other end of the line surprised and shocked me to my deepest.

"Amelia."

It was _her_.

My hand froze; my lips were unable to move. I couldn't even produce any sound to stutter with.

"You haven't called." The words were transparent enough, but I couldn't understand them. Their meaning was lost under the present circumstances.

After I'd heard her voice, I'd expected her to scream at me, or at least somehow express some disregard. But her tone was polite, almost apologetic, as she spoke.

"No. I haven't." I couldn't think of anything else to say in the context.

"Look… could I come over? I think we should figure out some things."

A cold wave of fear washed through me. What was Bella planning? Did she want to murder me?

Maybe that death was better than the one I'd planned for myself. At least that end would have a meaning.

_A meaningless life ends meaningfully. How fitting._

"I'll… I'll be there in a few minutes, okay?"

The line went dead.

So Bella was on her way to my place. Maybe she had Charlie's gun with her – or had he taken it to work? That was very possible. But if Bella didn't have the gun, she could always use something else. A kitchen knife would do just well.

I slouched back to the sofa in the living room. I would need to arrange everything before Bella arrived – after all, this time I would react correctly. No more fighting. No more cruel words. I would let her take my life with grace.

But what would happen to Bella once she was done? Murder was a serious offense. I could only hope she had the brains to make it look like suicide.

_Mors ultima linea rerum est._

_Death is everything's final limit._

The keys on the kitchen table reflected the light coming from the light bulb, sending a bright shine over to my face - the ultimate "_memento mori"_.

_"Remember that you'll die." And that you do._

Would I say anything to Bella before she executed me? Would I express my regret, or something along those lines? Or was it better to remain silent?

I chose option number two. My mouth had never spoken more than absolutely necessary – there was no need to change my habits when I was so close to my end.

I briefly wondered if Bella would be able to do it. She had never seemed like an overly violent person. But why else would she be coming over? Why else would she wish to face me again, if not to end my miserable days? I had expected to hear nothing of her for as long as I lived. Her call had been unanticipated.

But then again – when had Bella ever been predictable?

_Knock Knock_

She had arrived.

I pulled myself on my feet, and went to open the door for my murderer.

_Memento mori, Amelia. Memento mori._


	12. Spineless

The door's hinges protested when I slowly opened it, as in to warn me of what might be waiting for me behind.

But no warnings were necessary – I knew exactly who was awaiting me on the other side.

Isabella Swan stood at the doorway, shoulders hunched and arms folded.

I had to admit, there was nothing distinctly menacing about her. Nothing in her appearance hinted that she was here to murder me. All I could read in her body language was apprehension and insecurity, and her expressive eyes were cast on the floor, denying me the chance to decipher her thoughts.

The moment I saw her, I started doubting my forecasts. I knew Bella well enough to know she's wasn't a murderer, and no time she spent with me could change that ideal. She was a peaceful, non-violent person, and never solved her problems with force. In fact, she would probably faint before she got anywhere close to killing me – after all, blood made her nauseous.

When she looked up for the first time, I erased all my earlier thoughts about her coming here to slaughter me. Her eyes revealed that much.

She was _sad_. How odd.

"May I come in?" Her voice was composed, but I could hear the melancholy in her tone.

Too shocked to answer, I just moved aside to let her in.

Bella took off her jacket and walked slowly over to the couch. Once I had closed the door behind her, I followed her into the living room. Neither of us sat down.

So if she wasn't here to murder me, what did she want?

There was only one answer – the truth I had known from the very beginning, but had been too cowardly to admit to. Bella was here to express her disappointment, and tell me that I wasn't welcome in her life anymore.

And that was worse than a thousand slaughters.

She fidgeted nervously during the moment of awkward silence, never looking directly at me while twirling her fingers. I held my breath – the sound would have been too loud to bear – and concentrated only on the raindrops tapping against the window's glass.

The sky cried the tears I was too stubborn to let out.

After a while, Bella seemed to be preparing her speech, searching for the words she'd need to tell me goodbye.

That was when I panicked.

"Bella… I-I'm… There are no words to express how horrible I feel about what happened yesterday. I was completely out of myself… I wasn't thinking… But still, please don't go! Don't leave me alone again… I can't bear it!" I nearly screamed while sinking to my knees.

No matter how hard I argued with myself, no matter how strongly I denied my feelings, I couldn't escape the truth. I had grown so attached to Bella that letting her go would be unbearable. Now _that_ was a clear case of suicide. I'd rather die than live without her for any longer.

I now knew what it felt like to be happy. I knew how it was to have a friend, a reason to wake up in the morning. My last years had made me forget those sensations, but now that I had them back, I wasn't losing them again.

My dry sobs had made the words difficult to understand, but Bella seemed to catch every bit of the plea, and was soon pulling me to my feet again. "Amelia, please don't beg like this. Just listen to what I have to say."

_No, no, no._ I didn't want to hear the words that would cast me in shadows for the rest of my miserable life. I covered my ears with my hands, and squeezed my eyes tightly shut.

Bella reached out when she saw my ridiculous, tense posture, and tried to shake my hands away from my face. When she finally forced my ears free, I started shaking my head furiously.

"_No! _I don't _want_ to hear it, I don't!"

"Amelia, _listen_!"

Her tone made me open my eyes again.

Bella's expression was desperate, and I could tell she didn't know quite what to do. She was still holding my two wrists in her hands, trying to decide what to do with them, afraid I would cover my ears again if she let go. She, too, was shaking her head and biting her lower lip.

What was I doing? Was I this spineless? Saying goodbye was just as difficult for Bella as it was for me. I was being incredibly selfish – _I_ deserved this; Bella didn't.

I stopped shaking my head and took a deep breath.

A few words. I could take a couple of minutes, right? Let Bella do her job, and then I could do what I wanted. Then it didn't matter anymore.

But for now, I had to listen.

"Fine, then. Just get it over with." My voice was almost non-existent.

Bella heard me, however, and finally let go of my wrists, entwining her fingers once they were free. But though her stance was nervous and depressed, she never broke her gaze.

Her eyes pierced through mine, like they had so many times before. I knew what that meant – she was calculating my behavior. Eventually, she seemed to find my determination to listen to her words, and sighed.

"All right, please listen. I can see you regret what you did –"

"Yes, I do. More than you can comprehend." I was far too upset to scorn my servile attitude.

"– and you're disappointed with yourself. And I'll admit – I was pretty angry at you at first, more than I'd ever been at anyone before. I just couldn't understand why you would do something like that to me and Edward. It didn't seem fair."

I tore away from Bella's stare, settling to look out the window instead.

The sky's tears had increased.

Bella's hand reached out again, and landed on my shoulder. "No, please. I wasn't done yet."

I reluctantly turned to look back at her again.

Her eyes were wet, but as yet, no tears were escaping the ridges. Her cheeks were stained a light red; not a blush, but a warning of the crying that might soon follow. Her hands were shaking ever so slightly, but otherwise she seemed fairly well under control.

That was mostly due to the small, but nevertheless warm smile on her lips.

I startled at her lightened expression.

Bella's next words were even more surprising. "Ok, here's the thing. I don't approve of your… outburst. It wasn't fair towards Edward, or _me_, for that matter. Friends just don't try to kill their friends' fiancés." – her smile grew more sheepish when she saw me wince at her choice of words. – "And I was pretty angry at first. But then I started to miss you. I couldn't keep you out of my mind. I was already driving Edward nuts with my constant worry about you. So I started thinking – was it really that unforgivable? It was a mistake, no doubt, but unpardonable? It's not like I didn't know who I was dealing with."

This time, she earned a tiny smile from me, too. Relieved that I was finally calming down, she chuckled before continuing.

"And then I remembered all the times when I'd forgiven my other friends, and they'd forgiven me for _my_ mistakes. Why should you be any different? Just because _they_ are… well. You deserve a second chance. Humans slip up too, you know."

Her expression made me think that there was some joke I was missing.

But I was too overjoyed to wonder about her confusing words, so I just threw myself in her embrace, instead.

My unusual emotional eruption astounded Bella, but she hugged me back, laughing with me at the absurdity of the situation. I squeezed my eyes shut again, this time to seal in the tears that threatened to expose themselves. Bella, on the other hand, let her feelings overtake her, and started crying tears of joy for the reconciliation.

"What did you think I was here for?" Her words were difficult to understand, owing to the erratic breathing that always accompanied her crying.

I suddenly felt another unusual emotion – embarrassment? Gosh, something was seriously wrong with me. And I didn't care. "I… I first thought you were going to murder me."

Gathering myself again, I pulled away from Bella's embrace, feeling exceedingly awkward. I couldn't help it – Bella's forgiveness had manipulated me like a drug. Her words had brought me in a temporary state of drunkenness. I _had_ to sober up.

Bella's eyebrows furrowed for a second when I pulled away, but smoothened again when she saw the look on my face. She laughed a few seconds too late at my confession. "Murder you? Wow, Amelia, is that how you see me? As a cold-blooded murderer?"

I cast my eyes down and shrugged. It _had_ been a ridiculous and absolutely hilarious thought.

"Oh, Amelia! You know me better than that!"

That was true. I should have stopped to question my assumptions, rather than believe the illogicality of my mind.

After a few minutes, we both seemed to land on earth again, and were able to correctly evaluate the event. Following Bella's example, I sank on the living room couch, and pondered about what the future consequences would be.

Firstly, I hadn't heard anything of Edward yet. If his past behavior gave any indication to his personality, I knew he wasn't going to be as forgiving as Bella. And if I wanted to be with my best friend, I'd have to face him sooner or later. Bella and Edward came together, even if you wanted only one.

Secondly, would the Cullens accept me at their home anymore? After all, I _had_ attacked their son and brother. And they definitely knew of the story by now.

After a few minutes of pondering, I decided the latter point didn't matter. I didn't necessarily need to go to the Cullens', and Bella would surely understand if I wanted to spend our time somewhere else. Besides, she hadn't wanted me there in the first place.

But the former aspect was certainly a problem. Who knew when else I might slip? Who knew when _he_ might slip? We couldn't endure each other any better than before; even my assault hadn't changed that, and I doubted anything ever would.

My forehead crumpled as I tried to come up with a possible solution. Bella sensed my shifted mood, and asked timidly, "Is something wrong?"

I shook my head, but didn't explain my lost humor any further. This left Bella confused, and she eventually pressed for an answer. "Please tell me. Is it me?"

I sighed, exasperated at Bella's curiosity, but simultaneously grateful that I could share my burden with her.

But what if my problems irritated her? I didn't want _another_ fight.

I shoved that thought out of my mind, and explained my dilemma. "I'm a little worried about Edward. He couldn't stand me _before_ yesterday; I can only imagine what he thinks of me now. Not that I exactly care what his opinion of me is – honestly, I couldn't be less interested – but I don't want to end up hurting you again."

Unlike what I'd feared, Bella wasn't irritated. She looked rather sad. "You think Edward doesn't like you?"

I sniggered. "I _know_ he doesn't."

It was silent for a minute, and I wondered what Bella was pondering about. She looked utterly lost in thought. Finally, however, she took a deep breath and slid closer to me on the couch, placing her hand gently over mine. "He doesn't have anything against you, Amelia."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, right."

"No, really," Bella shook her head. "It's not that. He's just… a little over-protective."

Her words confused me. I couldn't entirely understand what she meant with them.

Seeing my puzzlement, Bella continued. "He doesn't approve of my choice of friends. He says I'm either suicidal, or have no sense of self-protection. He… thinks you're dangerous. As a matter of fact, he's probably sitting home right now, biting his nails of with worry. Yes, he's _that_ anxious."

This time it was her turn to roll her eyes. I raised an eyebrow at her words.

"He… thinks I would hurt you?" What a silly notion.

But then again, what had I proved yesterday?

My voice was suddenly dark as I added to my question, "Ah, I see. And after my last incident, he doesn't want me anywhere near you."

Bella nodded sadly. "So I'm sorry if he's acted rudely around you. But he wasn't the only one to blame, you know. You gave him kind of a hard time."

That recovered my good spirits. "Yep. But he deserved it. After all, he _is _an obnoxious, utterly obsequious fraud."

Bella looked taken aback by my words. Of course, I knew the reason – Bella was under the wrong impression that _everyone_ liked her stupid, gorgeous fiancé. It was unthinkable for her to believe that someone _didn't_ fall for his little mind games.

"But… Why do you have such a negative opinion about him?" she asked with a rather annoying disorientation in her tone.

"Because I don't like him. Period. Honestly, I don't see how you survive day after day with him – he's exaggeratingly polite, would-be perfect, revoltingly idealistic… It never fails to disgust me. And then it's the way _you_ change when he's around. He makes you just as blind – 'love is blind', right? You're not capable of intelligent conversation while he's in the same room."

I grew more and more frantic towards the end, letting my full dislike color my tone. The days I pretended to tolerate Edward were over; now we were playing by _my_ rules.

Bella's mouth hung open at my speech, looking entirely dumbfounded. The long silence was supplemented by my smirk. It simply felt relieving to finally have the truth out there, and to let Bella know how _im_perfect her greatest love actually was.

In time, Bella snapped out of her confusion, and spoke.

I'd been preparing for a disapproving remark, or perhaps a long argument on why I was wrong. But what Bella said to my judgment shocked me.

"Very well. But do you think you could _try_ to behave when he's with us? And not shoot him, please?"

Huh?

"Is… is that all you have to say?"

"Yes." Bella's brows furrowed yet again.

"What – No arguments? No scorn?"

Understanding flowed into Bella's eyes. "Yes, that's all I have to say. I can't expect you to love everyone in my life. But I _can_ insist that you control your aversion, can't I?"

I blinked again. Bella wasn't making much sense today.

She laughed at my thunderstruck expression. "We both have much to learn about each other. Why don't you come to Cullens tomorrow? You should apologize to Edward, too."

I ignored my sudden panic, and answered with the most even voice I could muster, "Sure. No problem."

I was pretty sure Bella saw through my pretenses, but she didn't comment.

She was right – we didn't know each other very well yet. We were still concentrating on the shell, and were not very deep in our understanding of one another's feelings. In a way, we were still strangers to each other.

But we would get there, one day. In the end, we _would_ know each other inside-out.

Now _that_ was something to anticipate.


	13. Another Storm

"Are you leaving somewhere?"

I grunted, and continued devouring my breakfast. An extra-strong coffee was needed to snap me out of my dreamy state after the sleepless night; my worries for the upcoming visit had deprived me of all rest.

"Now wait a second, young lady! I believe you're still under house arrest."

This time I groaned and rolled my eyes at his exclamation. My punishment had been extended after an oh-so-cheerful message from the principle had come in – due to my reckless driving, Mr. Greene had suspended me for the rest of the school year. Of course I hadn't minded much, not now that I had other issues to think about, but my father didn't seem to agree. "So what if I'm under house arrest? I want to see Bella. It hasn't bothered you before."

"Well, now it does." Hah. Lovely excuse.

I ignored his amusing expression of disbelief, and continued eating. "You'll have to drop me at the Cullens' by ten." I frowned at the thought of my unused rental car parked outside, rusting away with each new rainfall.

The airport wouldn't want it back, now. Not that they'd ever find me, thanks to the fake ID I'd stuck under their noses. Some people were just too easy to fool.

"No, no, Amelia. Now you'll listen to me. House arrest is a _punishment_. I've been going too easy on you, and now you seem to think that you have no limitations at all. But from this day on, you will take this seriously, you hear me?"

Unimpressed by his threats, I answered coolly, "What? Suddenly?"

"Uh… yeah." The argument had barely begun, and Jack was already surrendering. He honestly needed some parenting classes.

"Look, I'd drive there myself, but since I don't have my license…," I hinted, trying to use a gentle voice with Jack for just this once.

It didn't work. "No, forget it. That subject is not up for discussion."

Stupid police officers and their morals.

"Well, then. That's just too bad. You'll have to play the chauffeur for another month."

Jack looked like he was about to protest, when the loud buzz of the doorbell distracted him from me. He walked – or rather marched – to greet the unexpected visitor.

I could almost feel his mood shifting when he opened the door. His loud voice boomed through the living room into the kitchen. "Charlie! Bella! Come on in!"

My head snapped up at the sound of Bella's name. I quickly dropped the remainder of my bread on the plate, and scuttled over to see her.

_Honey, you're acting ridiculous. She's just another teenager._

Bella's smile was untroubled as she saw me approach. "Hey, Amelia! Are you ready?"

Her words confused me. "For what?"

Bella laughed at my bewildered expression. "To visit the Cullens, remember? We'll go together. It would be unfair to make Jack bring you, _again_."

"Oh." I cheered up slightly at the thought of going with Bella. Jack was such a bore while driving.

Suddenly, a hand appeared on my shoulder, making me jump a few inches from the ground. "Hello, Amelia. How are you doing?"

I shoved Charlie's hand off and hissed, "I'm not doing drugs, I'm not driving recklessly, and I haven't had a drop of alcohol since our last meeting. Probably has something to do with the fact that I've been locked up at my own home for the last few weeks. Couldn't I raise charges? Or at least file a complaint?"

Charlie took a panicky step back. "Wow, Amelia, I'm sorry for asking…"

"Yeah, sure you are. It's better to stay ignorant about the darker side of life. You never know what reality you might wake up into if you ask me too many questions."

My sudden outburst quieted the room for a minute. While the men both shared baffled glances, I crossed my arms over my chest, and concentrated on calming my breathing.

I had never liked Charlie. He was an idiot to think that I'd be as open with him as I was with his daughter.

Funny how all the world seemed to believe that, now.

Bella regained her senses first. Shaking her head slightly, and then plastering a timid smile across her face, she mainly looked at my shoulder as she spoke. "Uh, well then. Let's leave the men alone."

When I didn't answer after a few seconds, Bella seemed to understand that I needed more time to even my temper, and exited the suddenly stuffed entrance room of the house. She left the door open by a crack.

I closed my eyes, and took yet another deep breath. I had to calm down before I could talk to Bella. I simply couldn't let my bad mood out on her – I had already seen the consequences of _that_ mistake.

As I tried to ignore the voices screaming in my head, I couldn't help but hear Charlie regain his composure, as well. "I'm sorry if I offended you, Amelia."

I almost snapped at him. Almost.

But instead, I thought about the upcoming visit, and turned my back on him.

I was about to grab my jacket and follow Bella out through the door, when I heard Jack shout, "Hey, come back, young lady! You're _under house arrest_!"

My hesitation took no longer than a second; as soon as his words were out, I simply sniggered, took my long rain jacket off its hook at the entrance, and ran out of the house.

Bella was waiting for me behind the door, her eyebrows slightly furrowed. "You're still under house arrest? I didn't know that. I'm sorry; maybe we should postpone the visit until you're free again."

I rolled my eyes. "Seriously, do you think I'll _ever_ be getting out of house arrest? Jack will keep punishing me until I move out. We can't delay the visit by that far – after all, you're leaving for college, right?"

We both abruptly fell silent at the last words. The images of the last fight flashed through my mind, reminding me of the mistake that had almost ruined my very first friendship.

Or not my _very_ first, actually. I'd had another one once, years ago…

I inhaled sharply, pulling both me and Bella out of our thoughts. "Let's get going before Jack dashes outside and tries to chain me to the front door or something."

Bella looked concerned, but walked me to her truck, anyway.

The ride to the Cullens' was silent.

Once again, I felt the familiar, awkward feeling as I waited for her to start a conversation. That was her job in our rather strange friendship – if she wanted to do more than just sit around in the stillness, _she_ had to be the one to begin with whatever topic crossed her mind.

Usually, I didn't have to wait long for her to talk. But this time, nothing was said at all.

Bella looked at the road the entire time, never swaying from the street we were driving on, but never fully averting her attention from her own thoughts either. Her face looked untroubled – was I the only one who felt the discomfort?

But her eyes were far away, not at all at the present moment.

Still, I waited for her to talk. And I waited in vain.

When we pulled over at the almost hidden driveway leading to the Cullen mansion, Bella finally broke the unbearable tension in the air. "So, we're nearly there. Are you ready?"

I didn't answer, but looked out of the window in response.

I was scared out of my mind. And of course, Bella saw it immediately.

But to my great surprise, she smiled at my uneasiness. "They're not mad, you know. Actually, most of them find the whole issue rather amusing. So don't worry."

"Yeah, right. I was about to shoot their son and brother. They have no reason at all to hate me. But you know what? I couldn't care less. I'm here in _your_ favor. What they think doesn't matter."

I was practically lying through my teeth – in truth, I was petrified. The Cullens were the most intimidating people I knew, and I had a feeling they were excellent grudge holders. I was pretty sure that if they wanted somebody to suffer, they had their means to accomplish that.

Naturally, Bella saw through my pretenses, but like so many times before, didn't comment.

I got out of the car after her, feeling unusually feeble.

_This is what friends do, darling. They make you WEAK._

But was being weak any worse than being alone?

_She's leaving you, soon. Then you'll be alone AND weak. Do the math._

I couldn't think of an argument to throw back at myself.

But my thoughts were interrupted by the fear that was now blazing in my chest, consuming all my energy with its fiery flames. For the second time that day, I had to concentrate on my breathing, this time rather from dread than from anger.

If I had hated Edward Cullen before, I didn't know how to describe this new feeling. _Loathing_ went pretty close.

I loathed him for making me feel afraid, for being the cause of all my trouble, and most of all for stealing my friend away from me – something I _knew_ was happening, whether Bella was willing to talk about it or not. Edward was the most despicable character I had met in my entire existence, and I knew exactly what the main reason for that was.

I had let Bella too close, and with her, I had allowed Edward to enter my heart.

If only there was a way to fight them both out!

But now was not the time for scorn. If I didn't watch out, I might repeat the unforgivable misstep that had almost cost me my _life_.

So I let my thoughts fade out and pulled my fingers into fists as Bella opened the door without bothering to ring the doorbell.

"Hello. We're here." Bella hardly raised her voice, and I wondered if anyone could hear us at all. The house seemed vacant, as silent as it had during each of my other visits. I still couldn't quite understand how the Cullens managed to maintain such a level of quiet in their home – did they move around on tiptoe?

But even that would make _some_ kind of noise. The Cullen household was soundless.

Even my own footsteps seemed to echo around the mansion, try as hard as I might to control my feet.

The silence had bothered me every time. And as usual, Bella wasn't troubled at all. She let the clattering of her feet ring through the rooms, not wondering about the hush that surrounded the home of her fiancé.

"Welcome back, Bella." I jumped at the sudden noise, twirling around to look at the staircase.

Edward Cullen stood there, walking down the steps in clear urgency. He didn't even glance at me as he strode past, only halting in front of Bella and then taking her into his arms. "You took long enough."

"We can't all drive irresponsibly. I actually like to abide the traffic rules, you know." The way she said this made me wonder if there was some joke I was missing, for the hundredth time since meeting Bella. Even Edward smiled at her words.

"Well, I'm glad you did. I'd hate to hear that you'd had an accident."

After giving Bella one last kiss on the forehead, the source of my trouble – along with anger, irritation and awe – turned to look at me. His face was carefully composed; a hard mask that betrayed none of his true emotions.

That was another part of him I despised so greatly. There was _always_ a mask over his true colors.

He was a good actor, I must admit.

"Hello, Amelia. I'm glad you came." His tone was cloaked in his politeness, but I thought I sensed the trace of some actual emotion – displeasure, perhaps?

I knew he was still angry about my little stunt. And I knew he knew that I hadn't forgiven him for his flaws, either.

_Flaws_. Now that was a word I would never have thought to associate with the Cullens. But now, I saw the truth in that word – I had always described the Cullens as perfect, flawless, but in truth, they were far from that.

They only hid their faults and dark secrets. Their perfection was only another mask.

I was about to answer Edward in a tone of mocked civility, when I got a glimpse of Bella's expression.

Her features were twisted into worry, and she was gazing at me in alarm. Of course she could see the hostility still present in my posture, and was waiting for me to ruin the new opportunity.

To ruin everything, like I usually did.

So Bella still hadn't gotten rid of that prejudice? A new determination swelled up in me.

This time, I would do it right.

"Hello," I answered, not entirely courteously as I perhaps should have, but definitely unusually politely for me. Bella's relieved sigh wasn't concealed.

Edward nodded once, and then swiftly turned to look at the staircase. I let my eyes follow his.

And on the top of the flight of steps, three figures were staring down at us.

I recognized Alice, Jasper, and Emmett immediately.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Bella's smile spread wide. "Have you been spying on us?"

"Nah, not that much." Alice bounced down the stairs – faster than I would ever have thought possible – and only stopped to give Bella a hug and a light kiss on the cheek. "You haven't done anything interesting yet. Honestly, could you _try_ to add action into this visit? A short hello isn't doing the job."

Alice spoke the last part to Edward, who glared back at her with vigor. Ever so slightly, I noticed him shake his head.

"So, welcome back to the Cullens, Amelia." Emmett and Jasper had appeared at the foot of the stairs, the latter hanging back while Emmett approached me viciously.

_Viciously_ was a bit of an understatement. Emmett flexed his impressive muscles as he stepped forward, an unreadable expression on his face. His brawny figure made my breath hitch in my throat.

So this was it. The final hour had arrived. Bella had been lying when she'd said they weren't angry – perhaps even intentionally. Maybe she was part of the plot to lure me into the house, so they could all murder me in peace.

_That's the second time you think of murder while around Bella! Please, do you really think the Cullens are THAT dangerous? Why is your heart thudding at an alarmingly fast pace?_

The natural reflex would have been to turn around and run. But of course, my mind was incapable of sensible reaction.

I only began to stutter. "H-hello."

Emmett, along with everyone else in the room, noticed my fear.

I didn't know quite what I'd been expecting Emmett to do. I recalled something about murdering me, but I wasn't quite sure if that was what he truly intended. But certainly, some screaming on my part _had_ to be part of his retribution.

But what I didn't guess was that he would suddenly burst into a roar of laughter.

"So _you_ tried to shoot my little brother? And even pulled down the trigger?" It was difficult to understand what he was saying between the hoots. I took a step back, bewildered that anyone should react this way to the fact that someone had tried to kill their brother. I glanced at Bella, unsure of how to respond.

Unlike everyone else in the room, she wasn't trying to hold back her laughter. Her mouth was pulled down in an unmistakable grimace.

She caught my eye when I look over at her, and tried to rearrange her features, to no avail. Beside her, Edward smiled slightly at his family's hilarity, but didn't look even faintly amused. "Hilarious, Emmett. Is this how much I mean to you?"

"But… she… tried… to… _kill_… you!" Emmett clutched his stomach.

"We don't get to experience that every day," Alice added, barely holding back her own amusement. "Well done, Amelia. Not everyone has the guts to do that. My dear brother here sure needed the lesson."

Not only was I thoroughly confused, but _shocked_ by the calm manner by which they embraced the fact that I had nearly caused the death of their little brother. Any normal family would have called the cops long ago.

But what had I thought before? The Cullens were madmen. And the current circumstances sure strengthened that suspicion.

"Actually, I didn't think it was very funny at all, Alice," Bella said, walking over to the white couch in the living room. Sinking onto the sofa, she gestured me to join her. "Edward could have been hurt."

Her words should have spread a wave of sincerity through the room, but instead they caused an even loader burst of hilarity. Alice giggled as she slouched onto the couch beside Bella, and Edward rolled his eyes to himself, also joining her side.

I slowly stepped over to the group, noticing the wide distance Jasper kept between us as he, too, joined the family on the couch.

The atmosphere gradually calmed down as I felt a strange wave of peace flood through me. I may have jumped to some bizarre conclusions, but the whole family seemed to be experiencing the same calming feeling simultaneously as we sat on the couch in silence.

"You're a strange person, Amelia," Alice suddenly remarked, looking at me as she spoke. "But please, please, please – you can do whatever you want to Edward, but just be a little more careful while Bella's around."

"I agree. I forgive you for your behavior, but I'd very much appreciate it if you could keep away from guns or any other dangerous weapons around Bella. That's mostly what I'm worried about," Edward spoke to me, abruptly completely sincere as he gazed into my eyes with his dark golden ones. Beside him, Bella rolled her eyes.

I let out an exasperated sigh. "It's not Bella I have a problem with. You know that."

I was proud of myself. I hadn't thought I'd have the nerve to pick a fight with him in front of his whole menacing family.

"I know that better than you think."

"I highly doubt that."

"You do just that." While my tone had slipped into cold resentment, his remained frustratingly tranquil.

This, of course, only aggravated me more. "What's your problem anyway? Do you honestly think you're so much smarter than the rest of us? You don't know everything."

"Not everything, but certainly much more than you could ever even dream of. Now please, Amelia, let's not fight."

"You don't know what I'm thinking." Though all the alarm bells in my head were ringing, I had no desire to leave this battle unfinished.

Edward's expression shifted barely noticeably. "Don't I?"

His sudden amusement made me jump to my feet. "You don't know _anything_! All you ever do is act! You play the same role every day, from hour to hour, and never let anyone see who you really are. Bella deserves so much better!"

I waited for Edward to answer, but instead he closed his eyes, an expression of utter sadness melting his hard features. He didn't battle any longer.

No, Edward didn't argue further, but that didn't stop Bella from cutting in. She, too, jumped to her feet while speaking. "Amelia! How could you say that?"

"It's true." My tone was still hard, and my expression fierce. "How do you do it? I don't understand how you can waste day after day with these _frauds_."

I was faintly aware of the rest of the Cullens staring at me in disbelief.

Bella eyes went to slits. "There it is again! Your attitude. You always start being rude when you're in front of many people. Like with Charlie, earlier today. You're suddenly a completely different person! It's your insecurity shining through. It's easier to be unfriendly and cold than nice when you're nervous."

"How dare you judge me like that? You don't know me!"

"No, I don't! Because you won't let me!"

I stormed away from her.

But before I could reach the door, her suddenly gentle voice made me stop. "You don't have to leave. We can talk this through, too, you know. It would spare us a lot of trouble."

I didn't move, my breath catching in my throat.

"You can either run away from your problems now and regret it in five minutes, or you can stay here and talk about it. It's your choice."

She was right – it _was_ my choice.

And I came to my decision immediately.


	14. Guard Of Her Secret

I turned around slowly, painfully, worrying about what I might find on the other side of the room.

Both Bella and Edward were on their feet, the latter resting his hand on her shoulder, rubbing tiny circles on the bone there. His eyes were on Bella, concerned, while she gazed at me.

Her face still hid traces of our prior battle, but there was more to it now.

Sadness and regret radiated off her heart-shattering expression.

I bit my lip and cast my eyes down, waiting for her to begin, as usual.

But she didn't.

I don't know just how long I waited. It may have been ten seconds or minutes; my mind was too preoccupied to count the ticks audible from my large watch. Either way, I waited for an agonizingly long while, always sure that Bella would begin the inevitable round of apologies as she usually did. We had both known each other long enough to know that I wouldn't be the one to commence.

When the silence grew awkward, I couldn't help but glance up.

Bella had closed her eyes; her eyebrows pulled together, and she was biting her lip down with much more intensity than I had. She was concentrating very hard on something, while the rest of the Cullens only glanced from her to me, wondering what exactly to do in a situation like this.

Edward had grown slightly hectic, rubbing the circles on her shoulder faster and faster as we waited. All traces of anger were gone from his beautiful features.

That's when I panicked.

Bella wasn't going to apologize, not this time. She had something more in store for me, and all I could do was helplessly wait for her to choose my fate.

That's one of the few things I hated about her. I absolutely despised the level of power she had on me.

But my thoughts were proved wrong, once again, when she still hadn't opened her eyes after a couple of minutes. My mind raked for the right answer, growing ever wilder as it did.

And that's when it hit me.

Bella wasn't beginning this time, because she knew it was no use. She could force me to apologize a hundred times, but I would never truly learn from my mistakes.

Not unless it was _I_ who had to make the painful first step.

I drew a deep breath, not accustomed to handling situations such as these. I was at utter loss of words.

"Well, I… I suppose I wanted to tell you… that I'm sorry. Again."

This time _I_ closed me eyes, and waited for her to continue what I had started. I waited for her to say the words that would recover the day.

But Bella sighed, and then continued with completely different words than I'd imagined. "Amelia. Let's go outside to talk, all right?" She finally opened her eyes, and threw each Cullen a meaningful look. "_No listening_."

Alice was the first to stand up. She gave both Bella and me a small smile before ascending the stairs to her room. Jasper followed soon after, a tortured expression on his face.

I wondered what that was all about.

Eventually, Emmett stood up and left the room, nodding slightly in Bella's direction as he did so. The room was now vacant, apart from us and the gorgeous man that liked to call himself Bella's fiancé.

She stepped around him and walked towards me, Edward's alert eyes catching every movement as she did. This time, however, he didn't reach out for her as she circled the motionless man next to her.

"Come." Judging by her timid tone, Bella's mind seemed to be back in the present. She made an attempt to smile at my quivering shape, but the result resembled nothing like the warm beam she usually threw at me. Bella looked rather afraid as she led the way to the door, never touching me as I followed.

When we reached the door, however, she turned around to look at her fiancé before moving outside, keeping her right hand on the frame.

"Please don't listen."

I turned around, too, and found Edward grimacing at Bella's words. He stared back into her eyes deeply, clearly trying to communicate something he didn't want me to know.

Bella shook her head. "I mean it. I'll be fine."

Edward closed his eyes and bit his lip down, but nodded in defeat. His tense posture never slackened.

Bella continued staring at him for a few seconds - whether to make sure he wouldn't spy on us or to ensure that he was fine with her choice, I couldn't tell – and then let out a tiny sigh and stepped outside into the gray, rainy afternoon at Forks.

I followed half-reluctantly.

Bella didn't stop as soon as I thought she would. I'd expected her to sit down near the path that led to the back door of the house where the ground was dry and even, but instead she continued to lead me through the field, always further into the woods. We had long passed the first trees of the thick forest when Bella finally slowed down, and turned around to face me.

Even if she was worried about the eager ears of her family, wasn't she being a _little_ paranoid?

But my own thoughts were only a faint echo in my head when I saw Bella lean against a mossy tree in the northern jungle. Her face still held the same expression of desolation.

After she'd looked me deep in the eye for a few seconds, I couldn't take it anymore and turned my head away from her prying stare.

She sighed at the gesture, and from the corner of my eye, I saw her face turn away from me, too. Bella bit her lip down before beginning to speak.

"We can't be friends when there's all these unsolved issues between us."

I closed my eyes, fidgeting nervously with my fingers as I waited for the final goodbye.

"It's impossible. Every time we make up after a fight, another one follows soon after. It's eating both our energy."

I should have known that I'd be too much for her to handle. Nobody could endure my mood swings and twisted personality, not even Bella Swan.

My fingers began to tremble, and I clenched them tightly into fists to prevent Bella from seeing my despair.

"It's time to come clean. Both of us."

_"Goodbye, Amelia Betch. It was horrible to know you."_ I gritted my teeth.

"I can start, if you wish. But I don't know just what you'd like to hear, so you'll have to ask questions." Bella's voice was tiny, barely above a whisper. Her eyebrows furrowed, leaving an intensified worried look on her face.

But all the signs of her discomfort just slipped right passed my eyes; my mind was too busy processing what my ears had just heard.

I opened my eyelids and stared at Bella, letting the disbelief flood my expression. "You… don't want to tell me to leave? This isn't goodbye?"

Bella smiled with thin lips, tense with the obscure worry. "I can't say I'm surprised you thought that. 'Goodbye' seems to be the only thing that enters your mind when you're worried that I'm angry."

"But… I kind of deserve it," I admitted, letting my gaze drop to the ground again. It was pointless – I would never understand the depths of Bella's mind.

"I'll give you that." The humor in Bella's voice was strained. "But I'm not giving up on you. Not yet, anyway."

She grimaced with those last words, and I could swear I saw her eyes water.

I shoved that fact aside for the moment, and concentrated on the words that had thrown me out of balance. "So… you want us to… talk?"

Bella blinked twice – perhaps to hide the tears that had nearly flowed over – and nodded. "And since you don't like to tell the truth, I'll go first."

I assessed the sudden turn of the situation.

So Bella wanted us to talk, to be completely honest with each other for the first time in our rather short friendship. For the first time, she was willing to confess the secret that had bugged me from the very beginning.

Of course, the curiosity flared up in me the instant I thought of what she might say. All the possibilities that had clogged my mind up until that moment could now find proof, and perhaps confirmation. The thought of hearing her secret caused my heart to speed up, and a dose of adrenaline to spread through my veins, an excitement that both pleased and confused me.

But what was the price? If Bella was going to let me into her mind, she would expect the same in return.

I would have to talk about _my_ secret, too.

Was hearing her truth really worth digging up those painful memories?

I drew a deep breath. The answer was obvious.

"Fine. But you have to tell the _whole_ truth."

Bella only bit her lip down harder, and seemed to ignore my request. Her head turned to look at the sky. "Your questions?"

"Why do you tolerate me?"

My choice for the first question seemed to startle her, but soon a light smile played on her lips, lightening her expression up immediately. "Because I'm insane. You won't find anyone who'd contradict that."

I chuckled along with her, thanking some invisible force for loosening up the stern mood. I wasn't completely satisfied with her answer, but figured it was the best I would get.

After all, I already knew how bizarre Bella's logic was.

Once we'd quieted, I took advantage of the now slightly less tense atmosphere, and shot the next question. "What's the secret you try so hard to keep?"

My sudden change to the most sinister topic made Bella's smile fade fast. She bit her lip down again, scanning the trees in the background.

I waited for her answer. It never came.

Patience had never been a strength of mine. "You promised."

My words made Bella squeeze her eyes tightly shut, but this time she opened her lips to respond to my burning question.

Her reply didn't gratify me the slightest. "Look, I said I'd be honest. And to be completely, utterly truthful, I have to say I can't answer that question. I'm sorry, but I really can't." She opened her eyes to evaluate the look on my face. I was pretty sure she didn't like what she saw there, because she continued hastily before I could protest. "It's not _my_ secret. I can't tell you what you want to know when _I'm_ not supposed to know, either."

Ignoring her expression that was pleading me to move to another topic, I pressed for more. "What do you mean? Why aren't you supposed to know? Do they know you know?"

"They?" Bella shot back, startled at my knowledge.

"Well… you're talking about the Cullens, right? The whole secretive thing revolves around them."

Bella drew in a sharp breath and went pale; white to the point that I was afraid she'd turned into a ghost. She shook her head slightly, trying to recover from whatever shock I'd given her.

"So that's why…"

I puckered my eyebrows, letting Bella know that I wanted an explanation. She glanced up at me, and continued in a tiny, scared voice, "That's why Edward has been so strange about the whole thing. He knew you suspected… And I've been an _idiot_ not to have understood…"

My eyes widened, a wave of terror washing through me. "They know I suspect something?"

I wasn't quite sure why the news had affected me so heftily. But something about the Cullens made my blood curl and my every hair stand on end.

I couldn't be sure, of course, but being on their bad side had to be _very_ unhealthy.

My petrified expression alarmed Bella. "They won't hurt you!"

I was surprised to see that she'd picked up the reason of my fear so quickly.

_It's called experience. I bet she's had to say that before._

As I waited for my heartbeat to slow, Bella began talking again. "I'm sorry, Amelia, but I still can't tell you anything. It's all quite complicated –"

"– And I have the time," I cut in, angered again by her reserved manner.

"Yes, but that isn't really relevant here. As I was going to say, the whole issue is complicated and it's not my call to decide whether to tell you or not. I'd love to tell you, but… but…"

I sneered, amused by the agonized expression on her face. "But what? It would be too much for me to stomach?"

I had meant it as a joke, but Bella glanced up, letting me know how I'd unintentionally hit the core of her concern.

_Too much for Amelia Betch to handle. Now THAT is one hell of a secret._

I considered that for a minute.

Bella _seemed_ serious enough. Nothing in her manner made me believe she was playing a joke and mocking me. The fear in her eyes was _real_.

"I'm sorry. Please let it drop." Her voice was desperate.

I closed my eyes and sighed.

"Does college have something to do with this… secret?"

"Yes." It was only a whisper.

I could feel that I'd reached her limits. Bella would reveal nothing more.

I let out another sigh. "Fine. My turn, then."

Bella opened her eyes in a flash. "What? Just like that? Usually you're much more persistent."

I tried to smile, but failed. My disappointment was pulling down the edges of my lips too strongly. "And you're _always_ this guarded."

Bella grinned, almost reaching out to embrace me. I pulled away before she got too near, not being in the mood to break my habits.

She understood, and drew back.

"So, your turn, then," she nearly smiled as she repeated my previous words.

"Yeah. My turn." I took a deep breath, focusing only on my heartbeat.

This was going to hurt.

_xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo_

_A/N: I would really, truly appreciate hearing some opinions. I have spent hours on this story and it depresses me to see all the work this unacknowledged. No, I don't expect flattering reviews that gush about the excellence of my work because, quite frankly, I am far away from that status. But I will forever stay on that far-away point if I don't get any constructive criticism. Critique is wonderful. Always dare to share what you're thinking._

_Thank you for reading :) You have 6 and a half chapters to go!_

_-- Revontuli_


	15. Small Steps

"I don't usually talk about this with anyone. Though it's not exactly a secret, as many people already know about the whole issue, but it's painful to bring back up. Jack and my mom have tried to speak to me a few times, but I always refuse. So you can consider yourself very lucky to hear this all from me personally."

I looked up then to gauge Bella's expression. She smiled in encouragement when she saw me, and added a little nod. Her eyes, already wet from our previous conversation, glistened from the small amount of light that fell on us through the forest's canopy.

Seeing nothing in her expression that would give me a reason to stop my tale, I proceeded.

"You see, you're not the first person to ever have tolerated me. There was a time when I was actually deemed quite normal, and my behavior wasn't as… turbulent as it is now. I had a _life_. Imagine that."

I stopped again, this time mostly because of my own inability to continue. Stalling seemed like a perfect idea at the point, and I briefly thought about getting up and running. After all, Bella had refused to open up to me – what right did she have to expect me to tell _her_ everything? I could bolt right now, and there was nothing she could do about it.

But when I glanced up at her face again, I was reminded of the reason I was here in the first place. Her exclamation at the end of our short squabble had hit a sore spot.

_"How dare you judge me like that? You don't know me!"_

_"No, I don't! Because you won't let me!"_

Bella had been absolutely right. I wasn't _letting_ her know the real me.

But was Bella letting me know _her_? She was still a complete mystery to me.

_I don't need to correct you. You can do that yourself._

Stupid ego. You were supposed to be on _my_ side.

But of course, my inner voice was right. Though Bella still covered her little secrets from my eyesight, her hiding was entirely different from mine. She hid her secrets, but her personality shone through every cell.

I hid _everything_, including my own character.

It was time I opened up. Maybe it would even turn out pleasurable.

So I closed my eyes again and sank further down to the ground, trying to find a position that would hinder any trembling. Bella didn't need to see _everything_.

"So I was a… a… teenager. I went to school, got satisfactory grades, and enjoyed just being unchained and alive. Of course I was never quite the perfect child that parents wish for, and my social skills weren't optimal. I've always been rather shy, and never known what to say to strangers..."

Damn, there it was again – the stalling. I forced myself back to the right path.

"But like every other girl, I had a best friend. A-Alex." I swallowed, but tried my best not to let Bella know of my discomfort. "Alex was his name. We spent all our time together, thinking of stupid plans and then putting them to action. Once we hid a toad in our teacher's desk. She got quite a shock when she found it."

I waited for Bella to giggle, but she remained silent. Trying to ignore the firework of emotion in my own head, I continued.

"We were very, very close. Not a day went by when we didn't meet each other somewhere. It was the happiest period of my entire life. It's strange how humans are so easily deceived – because of how perfect my life was going at that very moment, I thought I was indestructible. That's another reason why I don't trust happiness. When you're on cloud nine, you fail to see the injustice of the world around you, and don't realize how breakable fortune is. It happens time after time again. Humans believe they're happiness is permanent.

"And like I said, so did I. I thought I'd be happy forever, and that my life would be perfect until the end of my days. I was horribly wrong.

"In a way, what happened then was good for me. I needed something to wake me up from my trance so that I could properly evaluate the world. It's harsh, but it was actually a good thing that Alex died."

Bella's breath hitched, leaving me to ponder if her reaction was caused by the fact that Alex had died, or by the way I spoke of it. I decided the latter was the more probable answer.

I ignored it, and continued, now talking as fast as I could to get the words out before the waterworks started. "I wasn't there when it happened. My mom had dragged me on a weekend vacation, and I wasn't even in town when I got the news. I still resent my mother for that – how could she deny me the chance to say goodbye to my best friend?

"Once we heard what had happened, we raced back home. Alex was at the hospital in a critical condition, but at least he was still alive. That consolation wasn't worth much, though. He never woke up from the coma. We had hardly arrived at the hospital when he kicked off for good.

"Until this day, we're not completely sure of what happened. Alex had been shot twice while walking home with the groceries – it made an awfully big headline the next day. The whole city only talked about the young Alexander and how he was murdered brutally on his home street. The reporters swarmed his home, and his parents gladly gave interviews to whoever had the nerve to ask. And of course, _all_ of them asked.

"The story was in the news papers for a few days, and during that time, the mound of flowers on the spot where Alex was killed grew daily. People didn't speak when they passed that corner. But soon the police ran out of leads, and the story grew cold. Since there were no more shocking details to reveal, nobody wanted to hear about Alex anymore.

"The flowers on the street withered, the street quieted again, and his parents went back to a subtle mourning when they lost the interest of the press. 'It all went back to normal' is what my mother would say. But it didn't.

"I couldn't understand why everyone suddenly started to hush up about the whole issue. My mom forced me to go back to school, Alex's parents started working again, and everybody lived on as if nothing had happened. Nobody talked about it anymore."

My voice drifted off as I struggled with the tears in my eyes. I wasn't ready to show Bella quite that much yet.

But no matter how hard I pushed back the crying, Bella noticed my anguish. For a second I thought she might grab my hand, but she seemed to think better of it and settled to look out into the forest with me instead.

I could tell something was pressing her mind, and that a speech was forming behind her closed lips. Thankfully, she gave me a chance to recover before she let it out.

But when she did, I wrapped my arms around my knees and lay back against the tree.

"Your parents thought it better not to talk about it. Some people just need a break when they lose somebody they truly liked, and don't want to discuss the whole matter for a while. I'm sure your parents only meant well."

I jumped up from the tree I was leaning against and threw my hands in the air, causing Bella to jump back from my outburst and stare at me wide eyed. "_Some_ people don't want to talk about it, but that doesn't mean _I_ didn't need to! My mom should have known me better. _All_ my friends and family should have! But no, for the first time in my life the truth was exposed to me – humans are shallow frauds that fail to see the true colors of the people around them. My family didn't care that I had just lost my best friend. All my teachers continued like nothing had happened. My other friends never spoke about it. _They should have known! _But how could they have, when they had no idea?

"Beside that point, Alex's death showed me a whole lot of other things, too. The reporters, for example. They were all over the story while it was still hot. I hated them while they were still there; they wrote things about Alex that I'm sure he would have never wanted published, and some of them weren't even true. They used him for their own profit, and treated the whole news like some stupid action movie. I was disgusted by Alex's parents, and the way they seemed almost to enjoy the attention they were getting. That taught me an important lesson – even if you think you know someone, you don't. The world is made of traitors.

"And then, as soon as there was nothing new to shock people with, the reporters turn their backs! And with them, the whole city forgets about Alex. Suddenly, he's a nobody again. I don't know what I hated more – the period when he was in the evening news, or the time when he wasn't even in anyone's head. Alex was only a _product_ to these people.

"The cops didn't care much about the case, either. Sure, they collected a few leads, but gave up as soon as they ended. Then they turned their attention to another case, hoping they'd have more luck with that one. They never found Alex's murderer. It's _revolting_.

"So do you understand me now? Do you see why I turned into such a hideous, cruel person? Blame my parents. When I would have needed it the most, they didn't talk about it with me. But now that I'd rather forget about everything, they want me to see a shrink and all. They always do the _opposite_ of what I need! They have no idea what they're doing!"

My chest heaved from my erratic breathing. The tears had now escaped from their places in my eyes, and my whole face burned bright red. I knew what a sight I must have been.

I knew how _dangerous_ I must have looked.

Once I'd caught my breath again I wished to continue my rant, but Bella cut me off by rising to her feet. She stood in front of me, spreading her arms out as if to assure me that she wasn't going to hurt me. Her eyes were wet.

"I see."

My whole body quivered as I waited for her to explain.

"I meant to say, I see why you're angry. You have a load of undigested issues building up in your chest, and nobody to talk to. But you can't blame your parents."

I was about to protest, but Bella raised a finger and continued before I had the chance to start screaming. "You're right – they had no idea what they were doing. They thought they were doing the right thing by letting you handle the situation yourself. They were unsure of what to do, so they decided to go with the easiest solution.

"But you're wrong about the now part. You say you don't need to talk about it anymore. I say you do."

I shook my head furiously, now seriously considering just running away. I had only told Bella all of this because I'd promised, and didn't want her to play the psychologist again.

_You didn't have to talk to her. But you wanted to._

I bit my lip down in frustration.

Bella continued when she saw that I'd calmed down. "This proves it, don't you think? You're still angry about everything. Maybe you _should_ talk to someone, if even just a little bit in the beginning. You can't live on like this."

She paused before talking again in a shaky voice, looking like she might burst into tears at any moment. "I don't think you're a hideous person. You just had to experience some real injustice at a very early stage of your life. You saw all these people – the press, Alex's family, and your own parents – react the only way they knew how. But you shouldn't scorn these people, Amelia. It's just the way the world functions. Your reaction was different to theirs, but not any more correct."

I shook my head again, trying to free myself from the ridiculous thought that Bella might be right. She hadn't been in my position; she knew nothing of what she was talking about. _Nothing._

But was an outsider's opinion more accurate? There's a huge difference between experiencing something yourself and hearing someone else assess it. I was blinded by my own hatred, and couldn't think clearly enough to properly judge the situation. Bella wasn't in the state of near panic that I had been in back then, a state that I still hung to with all my might.

Could _I_ be the one to blame?

I sank to the ground again, staring ahead of me with blank eyes. I didn't want to believe Bella; I didn't want to believe _myself_. I desperately clung to the notion that I was in panic right _now_. That was why I was having these thoughts.

_It's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault…._

Bella joined me on the ground and leaned against the familiar tree behind us. She, too, stared out into the space, still crying tears that didn't make any sense to me.

"Of course I can't know exactly what you were feeling, but I _can_ imagine. When Edward left me –"

"Edward left?"

She sighed. "Yes. He temporarily left me after we'd been together for a few months. He led me to believe that he didn't love me anymore, when in truth that was exactly his reason for leaving. His… misjudgment caused the both of us a lot of pain, but now that I have him again, I'm starting to realize just how inevitable it was. Being apart for so long opened our eyes, and it would have happened sooner or later, no matter what. We needed the separation to see how much we truly needed each other.

"Anyhow, what I was going to say before you interrupted me was that when he was gone, I felt so alone and out of place in my own world. I had nobody to talk to, and I refused to bring the subject up with anyone. I locked it all in my mind, and that only caused it to eat on my insides more and more each day. I was ruined. Don't do the same mistake."

"I'm ruined." Now Bella had finally comprehended that simple fact. Of course I had known it all along, but hearing it out of my only friend's mouth wounded me deeply.

Realizing what she had just said, Bella quickly started explaining herself. "No, no, I didn't mean it like that! You're not _ruined_, at least not yet. With ruined, I mean you're hiding your true personality and thoughts from your surroundings. You push back all these feelings and leave them to rot. It might be easier at first not to remember, but eventually, it'll consume you. Then there'll be nothing left of you. When I now reflect back to the time when Edward was gone, I notice how many mistakes I made. I probably should have talked to someone, but it hurt too much, so I didn't. I still don't think I'd be able to talk about it if he left me again… But you're stronger than me. You _can_ do it. You have to."

Raising my eyebrows, I turned to look at Bella questioningly. Her tears were still rolling down her cheeks, joining my ones on the forest ground. "I'm stronger than you? Right. Good joke."

"Really, you are," Bella answered my sarcasm with a slightly more even voice "If you have the strength to play the role of a Goth for so long, you also have enough to talk about the reasons of your change. You only need to focus your energy on that instead of pretending."

A silent moment followed. Bella tried to wipe away her tears, but her red face stayed wet despite all her efforts. Eventually, she just gave up and settled to concentrate on her breathing.

I lay completely still, and considered Bella's words. I didn't agree with everything she said; for the first time during our friendship, I could honestly say that she was wrong in some points.

But then again, she was right in many others.

I didn't believe that I was stronger than her. It simply wasn't true. If Bella could take one look in my mind, she would see the insecurity and weakness that my thoughts often fell back to. It wasn't difficult to pretend to be something you weren't; many years of experience had taught me that.

But maybe, just maybe, I could find the energy to talk about Alex with someone. Heck, wasn't I doing it right now? I had never been so open about the subject in my entire life, and thought I would rather be anywhere else at the very moment, I felt an odd relief to have freed my heart from this burden.

A sudden reminder of the reason of our talk crept back into my mind. "You said something back at the house that confuses me."

Bella, startled by my sudden comment, had to blink a few times before catching up with the content of what I'd said. "What exactly?"

"You said I wasn't letting you know me. I wanted to know what you meant with that."

"I meant just what I said." Bella seemed more in control now, her eyes not watering as much as earlier. "By playing your role, you're not letting anyone into your life. I think this is the first time that I truly feel like I'm talking to _you_, and not the Amelia that you created yourself."

Once again, Bella had hit the spot perfectly.

How could I expect her to be my friend if she couldn't be with _me_, but with a clone that I'd constructed?

"You know what? I'll promise you something, if you promise me something back."

Bella became weary as soon as the words left my mouth, but nodded.

"I promise to talk about this with someone, but only if you'll let me come to your wedding."

It took a few seconds for Bella's brain to asses the request, but once it did, she chuckled. "Sure. You were invited anyway. Just remember to keep your side of the deal."

I bit my lip, not quite sure of what I had just promised to do. I was evidently suicidal.

"Don't expect me to make a drastic change from one moment to the other, though, all right? I'll need some time."

Bella chuckled again, and took my hand without thinking. I jumped back from the touch, but decided to leave her palm on top of mine.

It felt too warm to push away.

"Sure, Amelia. Small steps are enough. Just never take a step back."

I smiled for the first time during our long conversation.

* * *

After we'd both cleared away all traces of crying, Bella and I returned to the house, ready to face the intruding eyes of the rest of the Cullens. I knew I'd have to make peace with them if I wanted to be at Bella's wedding, so I bit my tongue roughly down to make sure I didn't slip.

But to my great relief, the house was silent and vacant again when we arrived. Bella and I continued talking, now about less serious themes, and eventually it was time for me to return home. When I was getting into Bella's truck so she could drive me back, Edward appeared on the porch, staring at the both of us with concerned eyes.

Bella turned back to look at him for a few seconds, and was smiling by the time she got into the car next to me. I, too, gazed at Edward, trying to decipher his thoughts from his expression. I wondered if he already knew I'd be attending their wedding.

He nodded once when he met my eyes. I nodded back.

That was when I knew he knew.

The ride back home was almost as usual. Though Bella and I were both still shaken from our previous conversation, we were able to talk about our typical themes with a fair amount of humor and glee. By the time she dropped me off at my house, I was more or less in my normal state of mind.

Jack's cruiser caught my eye when I walked through the driveway, bringing me to an idea.

I took a deep breath before opening the front door.

As I'd expected, Jack was waiting for me on the other side.

He was about to start lecturing me for having left so abruptly earlier that morning, but I cut him off before he could start.

"Can I talk to you about something?"

He looked confused, but nodded.


	16. The Funeral

I prepared myself well for the big day.

For the first time in my life, I was determined to do something right. This time I wouldn't mess things up like I usually did. Bella deserved the perfect wedding, and I was going to give it to her.

Once the day arrived, I felt I was pretty well in control of myself. Talking with Jack had helped a lot, even if it was only a tiny, tiny step compared to what I'd have to face later on. We had barely spoken five minutes, and even then only swiftly passed through the whole topic, too swiftly to go any deeper into my problems.

But it had helped immensely.

No, Jack was still not my best friend. I wasn't suddenly dancing around with flowers in my hands and throwing rose petals at everyone's feet. The sky was just as gray as ever, and the pounding of the rain against the window glass continued to depress me.

Nevertheless, a change in my conduct was clearly distinguishable. An odd feeling of contentment warmed my insides regularly, now; I wasn't blissful and singing cheerful tunes while painting my nails a bright pink, but I was getting there.

Leaving the pink fingernails out, of course.

I had, against everyone's beliefs, gotten myself a dress. I figured it shouldn't be black – I knew _that_ much about weddings – so I got myself a red one instead, and hoped it wouldn't stand out from the crowd. Its flowing cloth fell to my knees, and swayed in the air whenever I took a step. Small stripes decorated the skirt part, and I felt the material hug my skin whenever I sat down.

In public, I let people think I despised it. Privately, I adored the red piece of clothing that I could now call mine. It was so different from everything else in my closet.

Bella would be so proud.

I had even practiced smiling in front of my bedroom mirror every night before the big day. Grimaces were an absolute taboo at weddings, and I didn't want to destroy Bella's bliss by scaring away her guests. But in the end, I had to give up my practicing; there was no hope that I would learn a friendly smile in only a matter of a few days. I decided my best shot was to keep my face neutral, and let the other guests think what they wanted.

Their thoughts had never bothered me before; why should they now? Besides, if they had the nerve to worry about the other guests instead of the actual bride on her wedding day, Bella sure had picked the wrong friends.

But despite all my meditations, I was a nervous wreck by the end of the week.

When I entered the church at two o'clock that Saturday afternoon, I was feeling so many emotions that I was beginning to get confused. How was I supposed to recognize which emotion was true? A thousand different pricks of feeling washed through me; tiny sand corns that simultaneously caressed my insides while rubbing against them roughly.

The first person I noticed in the church was Edward. He was standing in front of all the guests already, his fingers entwined behind his back. His body was as hard as stone; not one tiny movement was perceptible.

But his face revealed the battle that we both seemed to share. His eyes gleamed with the many emotions he was sensing, and the corners of his mouth were twisted up in an anticipating smile.

He, too, was feeling this flood of emotions. The sand rubbed against his heart, as well.

But unlike me, he welcomed it with open arms, even _enjoyed_ the confused state of his mind.

So maybe _all_ my emotions were true, and some just stronger than the others?

I sat down beside Jack in the very last row – after all, there was no need to take too many risks. If I couldn't handle the ceremony anymore, I could easily leave the church without anybody noticing.

Except maybe Bella, who would be watching from the front of the crowd. If I left in the middle of her wedding, her disappointed eyes would follow me right out of the room.

I sighed, and concentrated on keeping myself together. I couldn't leave. I wouldn't.

And then the music started.

The room hushed, and every head turned to face the doors of the church. I, too, turned my gaze in that direction, taking one last deep breath to prepare for the challenge ahead of me.

I hadn't been at a wedding for many, many years. All I remembered was that I _hated_ them. I doubted this one would be any different, no matter who the bride was.

The doors opened slowly, and Bella appeared in her white wedding dress, her face covered behind a thin veil.

Charlie stood beside her, looking alien in his elegant tuck. He led Bella by the arm, and didn't seem too overjoyed about the fact that he would be performing this act in front of the many pairs of curious eyes.

I would have bet anything that Bella wasn't too happy, either.

I couldn't say the same about Edward, though. I turned my gaze to him after I'd inspected Bella, and noticed the multiplied sparkle of his eyes, and the smile that now resembled pure bliss.

Shakily, but amazingly without tripping once on the way, Bella and Charlie made their way to the altar. When they reached their destination, Charlie handed his daughter to the waiting husband-to-be, and then took a step back to his assigned place beside them and the rest of the wedding party.

I could distinguish the shaking of Bella's hand as she took the final step to the side of her love. Edward took those trembling fingers and enveloped them with his own.

The music ceased, and the actual ceremony began.

_"Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this company, to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony…"_

What was I feeling, exactly? Did I have the talent to pick out the separate emotions?

I could try, I supposed. The priest wouldn't end his speech anytime soon.

_"If any man can show just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter forever hold his peace..."_

One emotion was definitely boredom. I felt horrible for admitting it, but a wedding simply didn't hold the charm needed to keep me entertained. But Bella was my friend; I would suffer through the boredom with grace. Or at least as much grace as I was capable of.

_"For be well assured, that if any persons are joined together other than as God's word allows, their marriage is not lawful…"_

Another was… happiness? Yes, I could honestly say that I was happy for Bella. Though she was trembling in front of the audience, she seemed exultant at the fact that she was marrying Edward. They were meant for each other; the more time I spent with them, the more I realized how _right_ their relationship was. Bella belonged to Edward, as much as he belonged to her.

I didn't have to agree with Edward to know that she needed him.

_"Edward, will you have this woman to be your wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony?"_

_"I do."_

Another undeniable emotion I was sensing was sadness. Now this one was a little more difficult to explain.

It was partly because I knew it was over.

Today was the last day I'd get to spend with Bella. I didn't know how I came to this conclusion, but in my heart I knew it was true. Something about the way she had clung to me earlier that week had given it away; she had gone through every topic imaginable in our discussions, and touched me more then she usually felt the need to.

She had been preparing to say goodbye.

_"Isabella, will you have this man to be your wedded husband, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of matrimony?"_

_"I do."_

She was leaving.

Away from me.

Far, far away.

Edward's eyes glittered even more as he spoke his vows.

_"Where there has been cold, you have brought warmth; where my life was dark, you have brought light. Isabella, I pledge before this assembled company to be your husband from this day forward. Let us make of our two lives one, and let us always honor and respect each other."_

Forever gone.

What would I do without her? How could I continue my life as if nothing had changed?

_"From this day on, I choose you, my beloved Edward, to be my husband. To live with you and laugh with you; to stand by your side, and sleep in your arms; to be joy to your heart, and food for your soul; to bring out the best in you always, and, for you, to be the most that I can. Let us make our two lives one, and let us honor and respect each other."_

I couldn't go back.

But neither could she.

Bella's fingers maintained their vibrations as Edward's secure hand enveloped them.

_"Isabella, with free and unconstrained soul, I give you all I am and all I am to become. Take this ring, and with it my promise of faith, patience, and love, for the rest of eternity."_

They looked so perfect there, standing together with the unmistakable gleam in their eyes. It didn't matter that Bella was shaking and hardly standing on her feet, and it definitely didn't matter that the ceremony was as tacky as ever; none of these points distracted anyone from the truth. The bride and groom both radiated everlasting happiness.

I noticed the many swollen, red eyes of the crowd, as the friends and family of my best friend cried from joy at the sight of the two lovers. My own tears fell, too, but for a different reason.

This wedding wasn't a _wedding_ for me. It was Bella's funeral.

_"Edward, with free and unconstrained soul, I give you all I am and all I am to become. Take this ring, and with it my promise of faith, patience, and love, for the rest of eternity."_

I hardly even noticed Bella's voice break in the middle of the last sentence. All I could hear were the sobs of Renée, Bella's mother, who was sitting a few rows ahead of me. All I could see were the glistening gold rings that were now placed on each of the lovers' left hands.

_"We have heard your vows and your promise of faithful love. I now declare you to be husband and wife; in the name of God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen."_

I wasn't quite sure why I was afraid for Bella's health. Something about the tight grip Edward had around her hand made alarm bells ring in my head.

_"May the courage of the early morning's dawning, the strength of the eternal hills, the peace of the evening's ending, and the love of God be in your hearts now and forevermore. Amen."_

It was almost over. Now I only had the wedding reception to survive. I could handle that much, couldn't I?

I wasn't entirely convinced.

_"Edward, you may now kiss your bride."_

When Edward's lips met Bella's, even my cold heart melted.

There was no mistaking the joy in their kiss, and I could imagine sparks flying through the air as their faces met in front of the eyes of all their family. I almost expected a rainbow to appear over their heads.

Why was I still this bitter? Bella had given me something I thought I'd long lost. She had given me a _life_. If I was expecting more from her, I wasn't only being exceedingly selfish, but also unfair. I hadn't been easy on Bella, and I'm sure her last few weeks would have been a lot more peaceful without Amelia Betch hanging around.

I should be grateful for what she'd given me. And now I should allow her to receive her greatest gift, as well.

Even if that greatest gift was Edward Cullen.

So I accepted the fact that Bella was happy, and that she'd made the right decision. It wasn't my job to question her; in fact, I had no right to.

I clapped along with the crowd as I stood up, letting a half-genuine smile lighten up my face. Bella beamed at me when she passed the back row, letting me know how happy she was that I was there. I _had_ made her proud.

And then I watched her disappear through the doors.

Yes, I acknowledged the fact that she had married Edward Cullen, and that she had never been mine.

But even that didn't erase the fact that I had just witnessed her funeral.


	17. Toasts & Small Talk

If the Cullen mansion had been grand before, there was no word to describe its state now.

Alice had done a marvelous job. Every tree was draped in colorful ribbons: gold, silver, red, blue… all colors imaginable glistened in the afternoon light. The vivid appearance of the usually white house replaced the missing sun, and I could almost imagine the clouds clearing away from the sky, and a deep blue heaven taking their place. No rain fell, either; Alice had chosen the day well. She knew what she was doing.

I could see the true quantity of the guests now that we had all escaped the crowded church. The front yard of the house was swarming with people, and I briefly wondered where Alice had even found this many friends to invite. Forks didn't offer much variety.

I didn't recognize many of the guests; apart from the Cullens, I only knew a couple of Jack's police friends, and some families that I'd met at school. In short, I was all alone while my father passed time with his buddies, as nobody wanted to talk to the girl who had been suspended after her very first school day. I crept to the side of the party, and waited for the reception to come to an end.

The bride and groom hadn't arrived yet, and I wondered how long I would have to wait until Bella came to free me from this discomfort. I knew she wouldn't leave me standing alone, no matter how many other guests she had to attend.

"Would you like a drink, miss?"

A well-dressed waiter stood before me, holding out a tray that carried the different juices they were offering. I took one of the multicolored drinks without a word, and continued my sulking.

I raked my eyes over the party to waste my time. I decided to guess whose friend or family member each of the individuals were, to see if Alice had invited only Cullens and neglected Bella's side of the family completely.

Most were rather difficult. After scrutinizing face after face, I found no resemblance whatsoever to either family, and started getting fed up with all the overly cheerful expressions. The majority of the guests were simple teenagers – Bella's and Edward's school friends, I supposed. They laughed and joked around with the drinks, here and there spilling some juice on the perfectly green lawn. I knew I didn't want to spend a minute with any of them, and thanked the wisdom of my choice to move out of their way from the very beginning.

Only one group of people was easy to identify. They stood at a small distance from the rest of the party, and chatted together with neutral faces. They held no drinks in their hands as they stood there, and I started wondering if they wanted to be here at all. Alice bounced over to talk to them every few minutes, but otherwise they were rather isolated from the rest of the celebration.

I knew whose side of the family they were on the second I saw their faces. These women and one man were Cullens.

I knew I was right; no other explanation was credible. Their flawless, white skin; tight, rounded bodies, and stunning features resembled the characteristics of the Cullen family much too closely for them not to be related. Other than their looks, they also had the strange aura of discretion around them; a feeling of immense power and grace that found no competition in the other guests.

But once again, I found myself questioning my own assumptions. The Cullens were adopted, weren't they? They, too, looked all alike in their skin color and manner, but were so different when you looked closer. Yes, they shared the butterscotch eyes, but what else? Not even their hair colors were the same. Each of them was a different height, and differently built.

In this group, too, I noticed slight differences in their looks. One lady – and lady was the only description suitable for this woman – had somewhat darker skin than the rest; the pallor remained, but there was a certain tan undertone beneath it. Her long, brown hair poured down her back beautifully, and her full, red lips reminded me of a porcelain doll. This lady was Spanish, no doubt.

Another woman of the small party was shockingly blond, and her golden locks glittered in the little light of the gray afternoon. Her cheek bones stood high, and her slender body glided over the ground elegantly as she strode to the other side of the group to whisper something into another lady's ear.

The latter lady was taller than the rest, and held her nose high in the air as she watched over the crowd. Her posture was slightly arrogant, but seeing her face erased all negative thoughts about her; a kind pair of butterscotch eyes looked down at me from the distance, and a tender smile spread across her face. She was so beautiful that I nearly tumbled down in awe.

Only one male was among the little group, and judging by his possessive stance next to the Spaniard, I knew they were a couple. He was handsome, too, and had an air of exoticness about him with his dark hair and thick eyebrows. A muscular chest was visible under his chic suit and shirt, and I found myself drooling, yet again, for a man that I had never even talked to.

Somehow, the Cullen family had been blessed with good genes. This level of beauty was _abnormal_.

I was about to continue my scrutiny when the hum of a car engine brought me out of my thoughts. I twirled around to face the long driveway of the Cullen house.

A long, black limousine glided towards the mansion, its hood decorated with white flowers and other ornaments. Its tires hardly rattled against the gravel.

The bride and her groom had arrived.

A pang of emotions washed through me as I watched them get out of their vehicle. One very prominent one was relief, as I knew that I would now have someone to talk to at the dreary party. I was sure that Bella would devote her attention to me, at least to some degree.

Another sharp emotion was envy. I couldn't find a rational explanation for the sour acid that dripped down over my whole body, and had to clench my fists together to gain control over myself again. Something about the way Bella clung to Edward as they walked across the lawn to the cheering guests had triggered the emotion.

As the crowd applauded and ran over to congratulate the young couple, I examined Bella's face to see how she was doing. Her cheeks were burning a fiery red, and I could distinguish a few dried tears on her face, but the beam that radiated off her chocolate eyes suggested that all those details were signs of joy, and not distress.

She smiled timidly at the guests and spoke a few polite words with her friends, obviously not completely comfortable with all the attention she was getting. All along, she clutched her new husband, and he grasped her back more possessively than ever before. I grimaced at the sight, but quickly composed myself. I had _promised_ not to grimace during the wedding and reception.

It took a long while for Bella to finally free herself from the many guests. When she and Edward had finally escaped the clutches of their friends and family, they didn't approach me at all, and only stared at each other deep in the eye.

I had to look away when Edward started running his hand down Bella's cheek. I figured puking was just as inappropriate as grimacing.

After a few minutes, Alice appeared on the highest step of the porch, even then not quite rising above the other heads in the crowd. She gestured towards the white tables in the backyard and shouted with a bright, cheerful voice, "Now that the bride and groom have arrived, we can proceed with the celebrations! Please join us at the table for lunch."

I reluctantly followed the mass to the tables, and picked a seat at the very edge of the row. I pulled the chair back, and was just about to sit on it when a low voice shouted from somewhere behind me: "Hey! That's my place."

I span around with my teeth clenched tightly together to meet the interrupter. "Oh, really! And what makes you think that? Is this spot labeled or something?"

"Actually, it is." I shrank back when I saw the young man who was talking to me. He was _huge_. "Look, right there. Unless your name is Jacob Black too, I suggest you go search for your own seat."

Indeed, a small violet card sat on the plate, and the golden words sprawled over it claimed their owner: _Jacob Black_.

I switched my gaze to the huge man before me, and tried to save my last bit of integrity. "Sorry. I didn't know we didn't get to pick our seats."

I sounded pretty polite, I must admit.

"Sure. No problem." Jacob stepped around me, and grabbed the chair I was still tightly holding. "So, do you mind?"

Surprised by his height and rudeness, I studied the man next to me.

His tallness wasn't the only feature that made him so huge. Jacob's arms were thick, almost burly, and his russet skin only emphasized his impressive muscles as he flexed them slightly, obviously annoyed that I wasn't moving aside. His face was kind enough, I supposed; he was good-looking, but definitely not in the striking way that the Cullens were. He seemed more… natural.

But his face hid more than his pleasant looks. There was a mask over his expression, a mask that I recognized only too well. Edward had the same air about him whenever he tried to hide his dislike, only he was much better at keeping the veil over his head. Jacob looked like he was struggling with his composure.

"Are you all right?" I was surprised by my own interest, but the heartbreaking sadness behind his eyes reminded me of my last years without Alex.

He was startled by my question too, and hesitated before he answered. His tone was somewhat warmer when he did. "Yeah. I'm fine."

Jacob stared at the table as he spoke, denying me the chance to read his eyes.

I wasn't satisfied with his response. I recognized a liar when I saw one; Jacob was _not_ fine, and I thought I knew the reason for that. Perhaps we were both mourning over the same thing…

"Why are you at the wedding? How do you know Bella and Edward?"

"Why should you care?" His hard tone was back, but at least he glanced up at me when he spoke, and continued when he found my persistence. "I'm a friend of Bella's."

"A good friend?"

"Yeah, I guess. Or I used to be, anyway. Now she has _Edward_."

My heart jumped in glee when he spoke Edward's name in disgust. I could see a tight bond forming between us already. "Me too. I mean, Edward was always around when I first met Bella, but she forgets that I exist each time he appears. I'm glad to find somebody who hates him as much as I do."

Jacob looked taken aback. "You don't like him? But... doesn't _everybody_ like the Cullens?"

"Well, I don't," I sneered, peeking to my side to see Bella and Edward already seated at the front of the tables. "And neither do you, apparently."

Jacob cast his eyes down again, and whispered his answer. "No. I don't."

Still holding the chair, I threw my head back to briefly look at the gray sky, and decided that Jacob was one of the more bearable guests at the party. Maybe I could let my frustration out on him. "They're taking Bella away."

Glancing at the young man again, I turned my gaze in time to see him close his eyes. His voice was still no more than a whisper. "I know."

"I have a feeling it might be permanent," I continued my prying, wishing to hear someone else's views on the issue.

I was heavily disappointed. "_Do you mind?_ We'll soon be the only ones standing."

Annoyed that I hadn't gotten the gossip I needed, I finally stepped to the side and left Jacob alone.

As I turned my back to him, I could swear I saw one single tear roll down his tan cheek.

I found my own seat rather quickly, for most of the guests were already seated when I searched the room. I was only a few seats away from the bride, and if I stretched my neck out, I was sure I'd be able to talk to Bella from where I was. It would be uncomfortable, but at least better than the awkwardness of being silent and all alone.

Bella smiled at me when she saw me approach. She had to shout over the loud chattering of the guests. "You met Jacob?"

I ignored the strangely hopeful tone, deciding the reason for it was something I didn't want to know. "Yeah. He's all right."

Bella looked slightly disappointed.

As I sat down, I met Edward's eyes. He beamed at me and smiled, this time more convincingly than ever before. This time he seemed to _mean_ his polite words. "Thank you for coming, Amelia."

I mumbled my congratulations, not entirely sure if he could hear them.

The loud chattering of the crowd made any further conversation impossible, and I felt relieved when Alice finally stood up and silenced the party with a tap on her crystal glass. She smiled hugely as she spoke. "Hello, everybody! I'm glad to see so many happy faces here today to celebrate the union of my dearest brother and my best friend. I would like to thank you all for coming!

"I would also like to congratulate the bride and groom. You see, Bella? Was the wedding really that bad?" A wave of polite chuckles followed, and Bella smiled as she turned a light pink and shook her head. "The food will be served shortly. We will have two different main dishes – lamb with rice, and a vegetarian alternative for anyone who asks for it. But before we begin eating, I'd like to pass the word to my brother Emmett."

Alice sat down, and all attention turned to her robust brother, who was sitting right beside the bride and groom. He, too, had a huge grin on his face. "Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen."

Despite Emmett's serious tone, he just sounded too comical to be taken seriously. I choked back my hysteria.

"It's a great honor to be the best man to such a great brother as Edward. Seeing him happy after so many years is all the reward I need. The young couple in front of us has come a long way, and I think only the fewest understand what a tremendous achievement their love is. Bella and Edward are different in so many ways, but they found a method to overcome these dissimilarities and to concentrate only on what connects them – their love. Some skeptics will say they're too young, and that their relationship won't last over college. I say they are perfect for each other, and that their love will survive forever. I am honored to welcome Bella into our family. Thank you for making Edward happy."

A round of applause followed.

I sank down on my chair, trying to ignore the everything-is-so-perfect ambiance around me. The reception was turning out even tackier than the actual ceremony, I realized in horror. Toasts were the least bearable element of festivities, especially if they centered on love and relationships. Didn't every best man say the same things?

Just like I had feared, the toasts didn't end there. A rather nervous looking Charlie stood up next, and held a short speech about how oh-so-wonderful his only daughter was and how happy he was that she'd found someone to grow old with. I almost felt sorry for the poor man as he stood there, shaking from head to toe and flashing from one red tone to another. Alice had forced him into this, no doubt.

Carlisle stood up last, and made the most sensible toast of the afternoon. In just a few sentences, he congratulated the bride and groom and voiced his great approval of their marriage. No more was said, and once he was done, the party had calmed down remarkably.

The calm, of course, was only a temporary state. When Alice gestured the waiters to bring the food out, the chattering began again.

As the meals were being served, I realized just what an inopportune seat I'd been assigned to – I sat right between the family and the rest of the guests, and was caught in the crossfire whenever something was shouted from the other side of the tables to the bride and groom. Sitting next to Renée was extremely inconvenient, as I soon noticed just how little she resembled her daughter; her mouth never seemed to stay closed for more than a few minutes at a time, and her laughter was loud enough to be heard over all the other noises in the room. Not only was she annoyingly cheerful, but the topics of her conversation never excited me the slightest. First it was the weather, and then she would suddenly start talking about the "good old days" when she'd been Bella's age. I tuned her out quickly, hoping that she would choke on the broccoli she was devouring.

The voices quieted towards the end of the meal, and I figured the guests had finally run out of subjects to discuss. The new calm made talking to Bella possible again.

She seemed to notice it as soon as I did, and was soon addressing me from her spot next to Edward. "Hey, Amelia. I didn't get a chance to say hi earlier."

"Hi."

She smiled. "Hi."

I could tell she was feeling awkward, and that she didn't know what to say to the girl who had just witnessed her funeral. There was nothing left for us to discuss, but at the same time many questions bubbled inside my head, questions that I knew would never be answered.

Bella was still smiling at me warmly, but I could read the sadness in her eyes clearly. This day was both the best and worst of her entire life.

"Thanks for coming."

If Bella was trying to distract me, it sure wasn't working.

"Don't thank me. I begged to be allowed to come, remember?"

"That's right. But thank you, anyway. It means a lot to me."

I just nodded, and continued to gulp down the lamb chop on the porcelain plate with my silverware.

Soon after our short-lived conversation, the music in the background grew louder, covering all other sounds of the party. The guests had finished their meals, and were now tapping the corners of their mouths with their white napkins and turning towards the bride and groom again. I, too, laid down my knife and fork, and glanced at Bella to see what would happen next. Maybe we finally got to go home.

But my heart shot up into my throat when I realized what the next activity was.

It was time to _dance_.


	18. In Mourning

Edward led Bella by the hand to the middle of the now empty lawn, and then drew her closer to himself. Bella reluctantly placed her palm on her husband's shoulder, looking at the ground the entire time and yet again shaking like a leaf in front of the big audience, then sighed once more before looking up into the seeking eyes of Edward. The latter smiled and straightened up.

The music started.

The melody was so unbearably sweet, so heart shattering, that I couldn't help but melt at the sound of the harmonious notes tied together. I stared at the bride and groom openmouthed, and sank on my seat at the sight of their bodies flowing along to the music, twirling and swaying in perfect tempo.

I couldn't believe it, but here was the proof. _Bella could dance._

After some minutes of staring at the lovers in awe, Renée and Carlisle stood up to join them on the lawn. Edward unwillingly released Bella and left her to his father's care, while he took the next dance with the bride's mother. This time the dancing looked rather awkward, as Bella was quite stiff in Carlisle's arms. It didn't take long for them to part again and the rest of the wedding party to join in.

I shrank back, and hoped that nobody would notice the one missing dancer.

But – it appeared to be some tradition in Forks – all my hope was in vain, as I soon saw Bella and Edward approaching me from behind the large mass of people. Their hands were linked, and I could see Bella slightly leaning against Edward's shoulder as they walked, the latter looking thoroughly heavenly with his tux and uneven smile.

"You're not dancing, Amelia!" Bella accused me, smiling under her husband's arm.

I frowned at her, and then rolled my eyes as I saw her laugh at my expression. Of course I wasn't dancing. Had she expected anything else?

"It's all right. I understand. Not everyone likes to dance."

It wasn't that I didn't particularly _like_ dancing. That part wasn't the problem. What hindered me from ever stepping on a dance floor was the fact that I was utterly, absolutely _useless_ at it.

Of course Bella wouldn't understand that. Not when she had the talent that I lacked.

"Mind if I sit down?" Miraculously, Edward had disappeared somewhere into the crowd, and only Bella remained to look down at me with a sad smile. Alarm bells started ringing again in my head – funny how that seemed to happen constantly, nowadays – but I nodded, and let Bella fill in the empty seat beside me. The hem of her wedding dress dropped all the way to the ground.

"I need to tell you something, and ask you for a favor."

I snapped my head up in surprise to see if she was serious. Nobody ever asked me for favors, _ever_.

But remembering the complicated last weeks, I was wary when I answered, not wanting to commit myself to something I wouldn't be able to do. "What do you need? _From me?_"

"It's nothing bad, I promise," Bella assured me, placing her hand over mine. "I wanted to ask you if you could meet me somewhere after the reception. Or in the evening, actually. So that I can say goodbye."

I wasn't oblivious to the tears that were filling her eyes, or the way her lip quivered once it closed again.

I only hoped I didn't look the same.

There was a silent moment, which gave my brain cells the time to restart. Finally I was able to ask: "Goodbye?"

It wasn't that I hadn't expected it. The way Bella had said it out loud had just made it sound so final.

"Yeah." Her voice was just about non-existent, so I had to rely on my lip-reading talents to understand what she wanted to say.

I swallowed once and took a deep breath, hoping to prevent my own voice from breaking. "Sure. What time?"

"Eight o'clock? On the road leading away from Forks?"

_Away from Forks_. I'd never have thought those words would sound so painful.

I gulped back my sob, and nodded in agreement. This wasn't something I was going to miss, not for any price.

Bella nodded too, and quickly stood up and walked away again. Her hand was up on her face, making her look as though she were crying.

I knew who she was looking for in the crowd. And that knowledge made me want to cover my face, too.

* * *

I'm not entirely sure about what happened after our little talk. I know the cake was cut at some point, and all the guests had amused themselves with dancing until late in the afternoon. The wedding party was cheerfully ignorant about the real reason of all the festivities.

What I remember clearly is my want – or rather the gnawing _need_ – to climb onto the table and scream the truth in their faces, so the jolly expressions would disappear. All these people were friends or family members of the bride and groom; how could they be so absolutely oblivious to what was happening around them?

_Stop the celebrations and mourn! Grieve for the loss of your most loyal friend!_

I imagined all the shocked expressions that would appear if I revealed Bella's real intentions. What would Charlie say? He wouldn't let his only daughter be stolen away by some high school sweetheart, would he? He would fight alongside me, and would even put a straightjacket on her if necessary.

But then again, _I_ was the one they would be leading away in a straightjacket if I shouted such obscurities.

Still, the merry, happy atmosphere of the party disgusted me to my deepest, and I soon felt desperate to escape.

Finally some of the gathering started clearing, and I was granted the chance to flee.

Without saying goodbye to the bride and groom – not even mentioning the hostess, Alice – I ran to the crammed driveway of the mansion and called my father with the cell he had lent me. He'd have to leave the party now, too, so he could bring me back home.

As I waited for Jack to pick up, small raindrops started falling to the ground. I put my arms over my head to protect my black-rimmed eyes. I didn't need my make-up to smudge right now. _Pick up, Jack, pick up!_

After twenty-three rings, I had to accept that he wasn't going to pick up.

_"Damn it!"_ I almost threw the phone on the hard forest ground, but thought better of it – after all, it was my only hope of ever getting home. Asking one of the cheerful guests for a ride wouldn't only have been extremely humiliating, but unbearable, too.

So I settled to curse every fiber of the mobile phone instead. "Stupid mobile! You're useless, _useless_! What society is this, if we're so dependant on pieces of rubbish such as yourself? You ugly, worthless piece of plastic that –"

"Need some help?" a familiar, low voice spoke from behind me. I twirled around, horrified to notice that I _still_ wasn't free of all the annoying guests. Small talk wasn't a talent of mine in the first place, and now was definitely not the time to practice.

However, some of that horror washed away when I saw who was approaching me. The gloomy, Indian boy from earlier was walking towards me with his large feet, his footsteps surprisingly silent against the wet leaves and grovel of the narrow street. He still wore the same expression of melancholy, and I couldn't help but notice the tenseness in his hands as he unclenched his fists from the tight balls they'd been forming.

"Jacob." Apparently, he was here to get revenge for earlier, when I had kept him away from his food.

"I'd say your name dramatically here, too, but I can't remember what it was. Did you even introduce yourself?" A hint of humor was audible in his voice, but otherwise it was the same hard, cold tone from earlier that made me feel like there was something vital I was missing.

"Of course I did. I'm not _that _rude." But then an image of a golden rimmed place card came back to me, and I hurried to continue before Jacob could cut in. "Fine. So I didn't introduce myself. But nether did you. I only know your name from that card."

Somehow, the smile that followed didn't look very convincing at all. "So, you finally found your name again in the maze of seats? Or do you still call yourself 'Jacob'?"

"Ha-ha." I had to admit, this man wasn't half bad. He was completely manageable. "I'm Amelia Betch."

"Another police officer's daughter, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess. Forks needs a hell lot of police force for a small town, don't you think? Charlie alone would do. Or actually, I don't know about Charlie, but Bella would keep everyone in line. She can be pretty fierce if she wants something."

The tiny bit of humor that our conversation had built up so far vanished in an instant, and Jacob fell back to the aloof person he was trying to pretend to be. "She can be pretty stubborn, I know. Even when she knows she's doing the wrong thing."

I blinked twice, trying to understand what Jacob was saying. There was more than one meaning behind those words, I was sure. "What?"

Jacob only shook his head and turned to face a red car that was parked at the very end of the driveway. "If you need a ride home, I can give you one. It'll give me a reason to leave."

I backed away, my eyes widening in disbelief. When Jacob saw my incredulous expression, he hastily added, "It's not a date. Trust me. I'm not going to murder you either, if that's what you're scared of."

I had to admit, option number two was the more plausible of the both. But, satisfied with the genuineness of his words, I nodded and followed him to the Chevy.

We didn't talk as we got in. I had a million questions in my mind, but knew better than to fire them at him; Jacob looked irritable enough, and I didn't need to have a fight while I was still getting a ride home. I could spare that part for when I didn't need him anymore.

As I had guessed, the ride home was silent on both parts. I tried my best to ignore the awkwardness of the whole situation that was triggered by the tense way Jacob clung to the wheel, so I looked out of the window, watching the blurring trees as we passed them. A hazy sheen of green seemed to pass the car, even though we were the ones moving. The raindrops on the window glass only obscured the view further, and gave the whole scene a dream-like quality; I felt as though I was in the middle of a fairytale with an undefined ending. Would this princess fail to find her happiness? I _wanted_ a happy-end, but simultaneously I knew the impossibility of that desire.

Bella defined my happiness, and she wouldn't be sticking around for much longer. In fact, I had exactly three hours and twenty-one minutes left to call her my friend.

My pessimistic thoughts were interrupted by a slam of the break. I twisted my head to the left side, only to notice we were home already. Thick tree trunks towered over the shabby, red house as it stood there all alone, vacant and miserable. It was a depressing sight. It only reminded me of my own upcoming isolation.

Unwilling to enter the empty house, my hand paused over the handle. I had to think of something to say, if only to stall my leaving for a few measly minutes.

Jacob didn't notice my reluctance to leave as he stared out into the forest, rubbing his fingers against each other impatiently. He was completely lost in his thoughts.

"Why are you and I the only ones who are not bouncing around in joy, spreading happiness into every soul in town?" I wondered aloud, not needing to think about my words as they came out. Jacob's presence made me feel oddly comforted, and I knew it was because we both seemed to hate the fact that Bella had gotten married.

My random question snapped Jacob back to the present, and the cold mask of detachment returned. "You should leave now. Your parents must be waiting for you."

"No, actually not. My parents are divorced. Mom lives in the south and Jack is still at the wedding reception. It's just me and that stupid, empty house."

I don't know what I was hoping for with that last statement. Maybe I was simply too desperate for company and wanted Jacob to join me inside. Maybe I wanted to squeeze some more information out of him, now that I knew whose side he was on.

Equally, I didn't know why I was so disappointed when he harshly turned me down. "Look, I've got to get back home. It's getting late."

I wouldn't have called four-thirty late at all, but I let it slide. Sighing at the thought of the silent house, I stepped out of the car and angrily slammed the door shut behind me. Jacob drove off almost instantly, leaving me to stand in the rain while I watched his red Chevy disappear into the rainy mist.

Jacob wasn't all that bad. I knew we would be able to get along just fine if we both gave it some effort. He wasn't the brightest star in the evening sky, but he was quiet and thoughtful enough for me, and mature enough to not judge me for my appearance. It was either that, or then he was blind.

I could feel a new friendship building up between us; a bond that was still invisible and by no means certain, but a definite possibility.

Sighing again at the sight of my now soaked clothes, I hauled myself to the porch. Even the dreary house was better than the rain.

Who was I kidding, anyway? Sure, Jacob and I could _get along_ if we wanted to, but that wasn't anything close to enough to replace the friendship I'd had with Bella. There was no way anyone would ever be able to stun me like she had, or keep me entertained while I wallowed in my own misery. My happy phase was _over_.

For years I had rebelled, protested, and hated, never letting sunlight enter my dark existence. I had pulled everyone down the pit with me.

And now God, or whatever force that existed up there, was getting his revenge.

_The forest will answer you in the way you call to it,_ I remembered my grandmother once saying. It was depressing to realize just how right she was.


	19. A Better Time

It wasn't quite dark yet by the time I reached the road we had set our meeting to take place on.

The gloomy color of the sky and the shadows cast by the trees gave the impression of nighttime, however, and I soon found myself wishing that I had brought a flashlight with me. I was starting to shiver from the damp chilliness of the air, the thin rubber of my rain jacket not quite isolating the cold. Taking deep breaths, I rubbed my hands together, and hoped the friction would keep me alive until the arrival of my soon non-existent best friend.

I had left quite early in the afternoon after I'd decided to walk the way to the road instead of letting Jack drive; he had returned home only in the later hours of the day, and didn't look alert enough to steer through the dark mazes of trees. Besides that trivial fact, I felt I needed the walk to clear my head up, before and after the meeting. I knew I would need some time to calm down after telling Bella goodbye forever. Surely Jack would understand if I came home later than usual?

The walk had sure done its job. With all my shivering and dripping, I almost forgot what I was there for. While my body tensed up from the chill of the wet air, my mind was able to relax for the moment and forget the dire farewell that was soon to come.

That relief, however, was only momentary, as my mind immediately did twenty summersaults when I saw a silver Volvo approach me from the far end of the straight road. The purpose of my trembling came back to me in an instant.

I tried to keep myself still when the car edged closer, not wanting to show any weakness – no matter how hopeless the task was.

When the car had finally reached me, Bella stepped out slowly, keeping her eyes on the gray concrete. I, too, found it unbearable to look at my lost best friend, and turned my gaze to the thick, murky forest, wanting the ground to swallow me while I was still whole.

All my earlier plans of suicide were meaningless compared to this. _This_ stunt was going to kill me. And I wasn't even the one causing the pain on myself.

I cut off my breathing. I couldn't stomach the shaky intakes of air that seemed to echo through my whole body, as if I were already hollow.

"I think you know why we're here." Bella's voice was amazingly even as she spoke, but the aloofness of her tone scared me.

"Yeah. It's goodbye." I tried to keep the same level of detachment in my voice as Bella, but failed after the very first syllable. My hands still rubbed against each other, not for warmth this time, but for solace.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Bella lift her head and take a step closer to me in a tender manner.

But I panicked and backed away, crossing my arms tightly across my chest.

If I was going to have to shut down after this meeting, I would have to start practicing already.

Bella startled at my reaction and stopped moving, turning to look back at the car over her shoulder. I realized a second too late that she had been searching for courage in Edward, who was obviously waiting in his shiny Volvo.

Grasping the presence of the man I despised more than anyone else in the entire world, I pulled together all my strength and turned my eyes to Bella. If I was going to break down, I might as well do it with integrity.

"Let's get this over with, all right?"

My mind was torn between two options – to get the meeting over with fast so I could run away, or to prolong the moment and cherish the last few minutes I had with my best friend. Both alternatives terrified me.

Without trying to touch me again, Bella let her arms fall to her sides and attempted a smile when she spoke. "I'm happy I got to know you, Amelia. The last few weeks have been… interesting. Not necessarily always great, but definitely enlightening. Thank you."

I nodded.

Seeing I wasn't going to answer in any other way, she continued. "I'm sorry it has to end this way, I really am. I hate leaving you in the dark after everything you've been through, but there's no other way. Our friendship was beautiful; it was just –"

"– at the wrong time?" I cut in, trying to bury the icy pain that was burrowing its way though my soul.

Bella bit her lip down, and nodded.

_At the wrong time_. That was exactly what our friendship had always been. If I'd have come to Forks a few years earlier, or even just a few months, everything would have been so much smoother. But the way things were, we'd been flying towards the inevitable end at a high speed, knowing fully well where the road was leading but still not wanting to accept it.

"This is the end of the road." Both of us knew it wasn't the gray highway I was talking about.

"But every end is also a new beginning. I know this one is the beginning of a new life for me, but how about you?"

She didn't need to say what she was thinking out loud. I knew what she was really referring to without having to hear it.

Bella was inquiring if I would return to my old self once she left, and if I'd just leave behind all the new discoveries I'd made about myself and others. Would I simply close this part of my life and go back to the Amelia I'd been before?

I didn't know the answer to that myself. Only time would tell if I had the strength in me to keep on the right course.

Bella seemed to understand my silence, and nodded.

It was silent for a long moment after that. But though no words were spoken, our bodies betrayed both of our inner workings – the tears rolling down our cheeks were proof of the affection we held for each other, the unsteady breathing revealed our torment, and our shaking hands showed the longing we both seemed to share, the longing to reach out and embrace each other.

But we withstood the craving, and didn't move any closer.

Even at the climax of our distress, we never moved from our places on the ground, as if some force had fastened us onto the wet road. We stood completely still.

I supposed my giggle that then escaped my lips was so unexpected that it threw us both off track.

"It's always like this, huh? You can touch me, you know. I'm not made of glass."

I didn't mention that she had been right in the notion that I'd never wanted her to touch me, but that fact was trivial.

Bella giggled too, relieved that the tense mood had passed, and folded me in an embrace. I hugged her back, trying to cling to her so she would never leave.

I wanted to scream at her to say, to beg on my knees, or even _threaten_ her to at least postpone her departure, but stopped myself on time.

Bella deserved to be happy.

And Forks couldn't offer her anything that could make her stay. The only place that could attract her was wherever _he_ was.

Alongside the small flicker of envy, a new emotion gently planted itself in my heart.

_Hope_.

Hope that one day, I would find the man who would entice me. Hope that I would learn to live with myself as I was, and stop the pointless self-pity that only smothered me more.

Bella had made it, and so could I.

Pulling away from her squeeze, I smiled as I looked into Bella's eyes. They were probably redder than mine.

Suddenly, I didn't need to follow through any plan of the length of our conversation. The period of our goodbye didn't matter anymore; the pieces just fell in place.

_Now_ was the moment for adieu.

"So… you're leaving for college?"

The familiar look of insecurity flashed over her eyes. "Yeah."

"And you're not going to tell me where you're_ really_ going, huh?"

I expected her to turn her head, or perhaps to laugh at my ridiculous question. She did neither, but answered guiltily: "Nope."

Her smile was genuine, playful. She _knew_ I thought something was odd about the Cullens. And for the first time, she was playing along.

But two could play the game. This time, it was _my_ turn to surprise her by giving up.

"Then college it is," I stated, smiling at her relieved expression.

And we embraced each other for one final time.

No words of separation for eternity were spoken. No thoughts of suspicion were expressed.

We both knew where the journey ended, and we both knew that there was no need to say it. We were never seeing each other again.

Eternity was just another word that I used far too often to describe our parting.

With tears in my eyes I watched Bella climb into the car that would take her away from me forever. Edward winked at me from the driver's seat, and I smiled back. _The_ _fight is over, Eddie. See you in afterlife._

And he cracked a smile. I blinked twice at his unexplained expression.

He then shook his head and revved the engine.

Waving and crying furiously, Bella Cullen drove off into the night.

From the distance, I could see Edward whisper something in her ear, and they both laughed at the statement, whatever it may be. That was the last image I had of them – the exceptional, young woman with her glorious husband, laughing while driving away from my life.

Their flawless beauty caused me to fall into another crying fit, but my thoughts stayed on the track that hope had appointed them on.

Would I ever find another Isabella Swan? I didn't think so.

Could I be one myself? No chance in hell.

But could I _try_ to be like her? Yes. Yes, I could.

And maybe, just maybe, I, too, would get my happily ever after.


	20. Epilogue : Hidden Confession

_Fear less, hope more;  
Eat less, chew more;  
Whine less, breathe more;  
Talk less, say more;  
Love more, and all good things will be yours._

x-x-x-x

When I returned home late that night, my mind was so groggy that I thought I'd pass out right there and then. I dragged myself through the silent house – thankfully not having to deal with my father's scolding for the evening – and fell on my bed in utter exhaustion.

But right as I was about to let go of my conscious mind, a new object on my desk caught my eye. A rectangular form lay there in the dark, making me push aside my fatigue for the moment and alluring me from my bed.

A book perched on my ruined desk, a black bookmark sticking out of its covers. Rubbing my eyes, I grabbed it and brought it closer to my face.

I nearly choked when I saw the familiar title of the book. I turned to the first page quickly, only to find what I'd expected to see – a small group of words were scrawled over the blank page in Bella's messy handwriting.

_Stay good for me. I'll miss you.  
Love,  
__Bella_

I couldn't hold back my joy when I brought the book closer to my face and read the first page of the story with eager eyes. All my weariness was forgotten in that brief moment of delight when I noticed that our previous goodbye had not been our last one.

_This_ farewell was the one that mattered.

How had she gotten inside? A cold wind blew in through the open window beside my closet, but I discarded the thought that followed immediately. Even the mere idea of Bella climbing up the wall to my room on the second story was hilarious.

Well, what did it matter? Inspiration flooded through me as I took a second look at the unexpected present.

I scurried to my bedside table and lit the lamp, illuminating my dark room once more. I sank in my bed, threw back the covers, and buried myself in them, setting the book on my pillow as I adjusted myself into a comfortable position on my stomach.

Letting my hand trace the edges, I lowered my nose to the first page and sniffed at the paper. I had always loved the smell of freshly printed paper, and the way the first pages seemed to stick to each other when they were turned around for the first time. Each new book was a treasure, and each turn of the page a new experience. There was a thrill to reading that I had never quite forgotten, not even in my years of rebellion.

This book in particular promised to be a pleasure from the beginning to the end. It didn't matter that I'd read it before; the words would have a completely new meaning to them after what I'd gone through in the past few weeks.

Reading my first book after Alex's death was exactly the kind of break I needed.

Relaxing my every muscle, my eyes skimmed over the cover again. I wanted to memorize every thread of its shell, as much as I wanted to do the same for the insides. I was going to enjoy this book from the very first letter.

'**Dracula'  
by Bram Stoker**

Bella never failed to amaze me.

* * *

A/N: That was the last chapter!

Thank you to all you dear readers and reviewers :) I'm so sorry for the slow updates -- editing and loading up chapters is such a hassle and I've been swamped with school work. Also, this story has not attracted the attention I'd hoped for. I don't usually whine, and I'm fine with just a couple of reviews per chapter, but when you look at the stats I think you might agree with me that I have _not _been getting much feedback at all. 20 chapters, hundreds of reads, but only 18 reviews? This story is one of my big favorites among the ones that I've written, so it really gets me down to see that people aren't saying anything about it. The good, the bad, the undecided -- I want to hear it all. So if you've remained silent thus far, please consider leaving me a note :) I value all opinions.

Thank you!

P.S: I don't own 'Dracula' by Bram Stoker, as you may have already known ;)


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